divorce

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bonga_scrobie

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my ex wife divorced me not the other way around, why should the church punish me for her actions?
 
It doesn’t. How is it that you feel the Church is “punishing” you?
 
I take it to mean that you feel the Church is punishing you for her action of divorcing you by not permitting remarriage, correct?
 
bonga_scrobie said:
my ex wife divorced me not the other way around, why should the church punish me for her actions?
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I know how you feel, especially if you are going to apply for a decree of nullity (annulment). It seems to add pain to the pain, by stirring up painful memories that you would rather forget. I don’t know anyone in real life who hasn’t found the annulment process easy and pain-free.

However, the Church doesn’t view marriage lightly, unlike your ex-wife and the rest of society.
 
Did you apply for an annulment and it was declined? If that is the case, you are not being punished. You are still able to participate in the Sacraments (presuming you have not remarried).
 
bonga_scrobie said:
thats exactly right i havent even looked for someone else
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You’re barking up the wrong tree. **God **ordained the sacrament of marriage to be indissoluable. You blame the Church for proclaiming God’s law. That’s the Church’s entire reason d’etre.
 
Did you agree to the divorce? Did you sign the papers?

Then you are just as guilty of divorcing her as she is of divorcing you. She may have been the one who asked for it, but you agreed to it.

Without the full story it is really hard to offer you any help
 
Maureen1125 said:
Did you agree to the divorce? Did you sign the papers?

Then you are just as guilty of divorcing her as she is of divorcing you. She may have been the one who asked for it, but you agreed to it.

Without the full story it is really hard to offer you any help
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No fault divorce allows one spouse to leave the other without consent. No need to sign papers at all, really. You cannot stop your spouse if he or she wants to leave.
 
Annulment is granted easily only in the US, and not necessarily is good resolution. Also unfortunately the annulment does not makes distinction between the innocent and faulty party, thus is some way promotes divorces.

The’ why God is punishing the innocent party’ question is reasonable. The only answer is what is for any suffering: we do not know God’s ways, we believe in the eternal retribution.
 
laszlo said:
Annulment is granted easily only in the US, and not necessarily is good resolution. Also unfortunately the annulment does not makes distinction between the innocent and faulty party, thus is some way promotes divorces.

The’ why God is punishing the innocent party’ question is reasonable. The only answer is what is for any suffering: we do not know God’s ways, we believe in the eternal retribution.
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Sadly I have also read that. With Catholics in the US comprising only 6% of total Catholics in the world they seem to account for about 85% of global annulments. However, I don’t know the statistical details. There may be more to it than meets the eye.
 
laszlo said:
Annulment is granted easily only in the US, and not necessarily is good resolution. Also unfortunately the annulment does not makes distinction between the innocent and faulty party, thus is some way promotes divorces.

The’ why God is punishing the innocent party’ question is reasonable. The only answer is what is for any suffering: we do not know God’s ways, we believe in the eternal retribution.
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this reflects a grave misunderstanding of annulment.
This is a canon law investigation, requested by one party to a failed marriage which is now beyond hope of reconciliation, as is his right under canon law, to determine if the marriage was valid at its inception. It is not an adversarial process like a civil divorce, it does not assign blame, it does not punish anyone, it is not necessarily easy in the US or anywhere else. It does not promote divorce because the tribunal will not even look at a marriage that is still intact and is only begun after a civil divorce has already happened. It is a means of assuring one’s rights under canon law, and proceeds always with a presumption that the bond will be defended and on the assumption that the bond is valid until proven otherwise.

The Church does not punish the party who did not initiate the annulment investigation in any way, she simply establishes fact, either they were and remain validly married or they are not.

OP still has not given any specifics as to how he feels the Church has hurt him. He seems to be blaming her for the actions of his spouse.
 
Do not blame the Church for granting the most anulments in the United States. Did you not consider the possibility that Catholics in the US might be less informed about marriage and choosing appropriate spouses than in other countries? I am not saying this is a good thing but before one is to judge the huge discrepency, they should first consider the reasons for it, which might very well be legitimate and not because people in the US receive special treatment.
 
thistle said:
Sadly I have also read that. With Catholics in the US comprising only 6% of total Catholics in the world they seem to account for about 85% of global annulments. However, I don’t know the statistical details. There may be more to it than meets the eye.
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Do not blame the Church for granting the most anulments in the United States. Did you not consider the possibility that Catholics in the US might be less informed about marriage and choosing appropriate spouses than in other countries? I am not saying this is a good thing but before one is to judge the huge discrepency, they should first consider the reasons for it, which might very well be legitimate and not because people in the US receive special treatment.
 
wjp984 said:
Do not blame the Church for granting the most anulments in the United States. Did you not consider the possibility that Catholics in the US might be less informed about marriage and choosing appropriate spouses than in other countries? I am not saying this is a good thing but before one is to judge the huge discrepency, they should first consider the reasons for it, which might very well be legitimate and not because people in the US receive special treatment.
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I agree. The way I look at it is this: the ratio of INVALID marriages taking place is in direct proportion to the annulments. Many people have told me what a joke pre Cana was for them, which doesn’t help. Also, many people do not become Christian until they have made many mistakes and their desire to put things right with God leads them to the process of annulment to find their standing with our Church. To the OP, pray over the matter with all your heart and Our Lord will give you peace. It may not be as quickly as you would like, but have faith, He will handle it for you. He can make good things out of those meant for evil.
 
wjp984 said:
Do not blame the Church for granting the most anulments in the United States. Did you not consider the possibility that Catholics in the US might be less informed about marriage and choosing appropriate spouses than in other countries? I am not saying this is a good thing but before one is to judge the huge discrepency, they should first consider the reasons for it, which might very well be legitimate and not because people in the US receive special treatment.
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That’s why I said I don’t know the details behind the statistics but you don’t either so you are simply speculating on why the number in the US seems disproportionately high.
However, I do not believe that Catholics in the US are less informed about marriage than the majority of Catholics who live in developing countries. Seems like a cop out to me.
 
I would highly suggest going through the annulment process - it is painful to get things together but on the same token - it also does provide a certain healing process. On the same token the length of the process seems to correspond with a good length of time that one should go without dating while one heals from a divorce - there are no coincidences with God. Remember dating is a discernment of marriage not a contact sport.

Also you can still receive Eucharist unless you have remarried without decree of nullity or are in a state of mortal sin.
 
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