Divorced, Ex- married and had a baby

  • Thread starter Thread starter bellatrix
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
B

bellatrix

Guest
Hi,
I am looking for some answers.
It’s been almost 2.5 years since my civil divorce (June 2014) from my ex- husband! We both are Catholics and married in Church!
I found out he was cheating on me since before our marriage with a non- Catholic girl. I tried to work it out with him and things just got worse. So we had a civil divorce. I did not go in for an annulment as it was too much stress for me, I was devastated.
I have remained single so far but found out in October 2016 from him that he had Civil married the girl he was having an affair with and that she had just had a child.
He now has asked me for an annulment so as to enable him to have his child baptized.
He has changed his nationality and is moving out of country soon. I do not have any objections to this.
My questions are…
  1. Can he get the child baptized without having to go through the annulment being that he is short on time? He said he had spoken to some priest who said the matter could be expedited within a month. Is that possible?
  2. Can he get it done in a parish other than the one he is from without an annulment? for eg. He was baptized in Church A, but belongs to Church B parish.He said he was going to try getting his child baptized in Church A!
  3. What would be the documents he would require to produce to have his child baptized?
  4. I will be anyway starting the process of annulment. I do not want to stay married to him. And also if I do meet the right person, I might want to marry again in Church. But he is going to leave the country soon, would that affect the process?
  5. Do we both need to approach the Church for an annulment or just me?
    Thank you!
 
His marital status in the Church is not directly tied to baptizing the child as a Catholic. Canon Law does not prohibit a child’s baptism because of the parent’s marital status.

Regarding a decree of nullity, either of you can file. If he moves away, it may take a little longer to complete the paperwork, hard to tell as if he is motivated it may not matter.

It is best to talk to your pastor at your parish or your diocesan tribunal about your questions, they will be able to speak to the local timelines.
 
A baby can be baptized regardless of a parent’s marital status, so not sure what he’s talking about. Now, perhaps, he wants to marry baby’s mama? You can file for annulment even if he’s in another country and I would given he was already being dishonest prior to the marriage, you have grounds.
 
WingsOfEagles said:
A baby can be baptized regardless of a parent’s marital status, so not sure what he’s talking about. Now, perhaps, he wants to marry baby’s mama? You can file for annulment even if he’s in another country and I would given he was already being dishonest prior to the marriage, you have grounds.
Click to expand...
Thank you.
Yes I do believe he had some ulterior motives when asking me for an annulment. I have just gotten to know from a common friend that his child’s Baptism is scheduled for the end of this month and also there will be a party.

Just another question. Would I need to prove his dishonesty. All the evidence that I have of his adultery, I have destroyed as I did not wish to live with the toxicity in my life anymore. So I have no hard proof as such!
 
bellatrix said:
Thank you.
Yes I do believe he had some ulterior motives when asking me for an annulment. I have just gotten to know from a common friend that his child’s Baptism is scheduled for the end of this month and also there will be a party.

Just another question. Would I need to prove his dishonesty. All the evidence that I have of his adultery, I have destroyed as I did not wish to live with the toxicity in my life anymore. So I have no hard proof as such!
Click to expand...
You’re welcome. Sounds like you’re blessed to have him out of your life.

I don’t think you have to “prove” his dishonesty as you would in a court of law, but I’m not quite sure of the process. Perhaps, someone who has been through this or is a priest can answer this better than me.
 
OP, please speak to your pastor about contacting your local diocese’ marriage tribunal. They can answer your questions. It sounds as though you have a good case for a decree of nullity.

I am very sorry that this happened to you!
 
One does not prove anything in the annulment process. You go through the interview, fill out the paperwork, turn in a list of witnesses and the tribunal will do the rest. Annulments are not granted just on the grounds of infidelity during the marriage, but on the state of mind at the time of the wedding. Your goal here should be for the annulment to be granted, not on the motivation of your ex. See a priest ASAP to get things started. Soon, this will be behind you and you can on with the rest of your life.
 
Catholic1954 said:
One does not prove anything in the annulment process. You go through the interview, fill out the paperwork, turn in a list of witnesses and the tribunal will do the rest. Annulments are not granted just on the grounds of infidelity during the marriage, but on the state of mind at the time of the wedding. Your goal here should be for the annulment to be granted, not on the motivation of your ex. See a priest ASAP to get things started. Soon, this will be behind you and you can on with the rest of your life.
Click to expand...
Thank you for clearing up the question of what you have to “prove”. I believe OP stated that the infidelity occurred even prior to their marriage (without her knowledge), so the husband’s vows could be viewed as always dishonest.
 
WingsOfEagles said:
Thank you for clearing up the question of what you have to “prove”. I believe OP stated that the infidelity occurred even prior to their marriage (without her knowledge), so the husband’s vows could be viewed as always dishonest.
Click to expand...
Thank you everyone for your advice.
Yes that is right he was having an affair with the girl before we were married, and now that we are divorced, he has married her.

I spoke to the priest that handles annulments on the phone. Told him the situation. He said that the Baptism would not be allowed without an annulment. I am not sure as to the reasons why, I told him I wasn’t against it. He said I should go meet him personally next week.
I think it has to do with law of the land maybe.
I will update next week!
 
Catholic1954 said:
One does not prove anything in the annulment process. You go through the interview, fill out the paperwork, turn in a list of witnesses and the tribunal will do the rest. Annulments are not granted just on the grounds of infidelity during the marriage, but on the state of mind at the time of the wedding. Your goal here should be for the annulment to be granted, not on the motivation of your ex. See a priest ASAP to get things started. Soon, this will be behind you and you can on with the rest of your life.
Click to expand...
Thank you.
Yes I do wish to put this behind me.
 
bellatrix said:
**
I spoke to the priest that handles annulments on the phone. Told him the situation. He said that the Baptism would not be allowed without an annulment.** I am not sure as to the reasons why, I told him I wasn’t against it. He said I should go meet him personally next week.
I think it has to do with law of the land maybe.
I will update next week!
Click to expand...
Ok, I was looking into why this might be. It has to do with whether or not the priest believes the couple actually intends to set a good example and bring the child up Catholic. I’m guessing that right now, your ex’s marriage situation does not give off that vibe. If the priest didn’t require the annulment, they’d probably go on forever just being civilly married.

That being said, yes, this varies greatly on locale. Some priests will baptize children of parents who are in no way practicing, but have grandparents who are and are insistent.
 
bellatrix said:
Hi,
I am looking for some answers.
It’s been almost 2.5 years since my civil divorce (June 2014) from my ex- husband! We both are Catholics and married in Church!
I found out he was cheating on me since before our marriage with a non- Catholic girl. I tried to work it out with him and things just got worse. So we had a civil divorce. I did not go in for an annulment as it was too much stress for me, I was devastated.
I have remained single so far but found out in October 2016 from him that he had Civil married the girl he was having an affair with and that she had just had a child.
He now has asked me for an annulment so as to enable him to have his child baptized.
He has changed his nationality and is moving out of country soon. I do not have any objections to this.
My questions are…
  1. Can he get the child baptized without having to go through the annulment being that he is short on time? He said he had spoken to some priest who said the matter could be expedited within a month. Is that possible?
  2. Can he get it done in a parish other than the one he is from without an annulment? for eg. He was baptized in Church A, but belongs to Church B parish.He said he was going to try getting his child baptized in Church A!
  3. What would be the documents he would require to produce to have his child baptized?
  4. I will be anyway starting the process of annulment. I do not want to stay married to him. And also if I do meet the right person, I might want to marry again in Church. But he is going to leave the country soon, would that affect the process?
  5. Do we both need to approach the Church for an annulment or just me?
    Thank you!
Click to expand...
My comments are only about parishes and not about the circumstances you have described about your husband.

The parish of a Catholic is the one in which they are resident. For baptism, marriage and funerals they can only be done in a different parish if the priest in the parish of residency gives permission in writing to the priest the other parish.
 
thistle said:
My comments are only about parishes and not about the circumstances you have described about your husband.

The parish of a Catholic is the one in which they are resident. For baptism, marriage and funerals they can only be done in a different parish if the priest in the parish of residency gives permission in writing to the priest the other parish.
Click to expand...
Thank you.
That is true in most cases, well atleast for marriage it is. But for Baptism, it isn’t the norm here.

The girl he married is not Christian. And he isn’t a practicing Catholic either.
Besides that, I do not believe he has approached the right authorities for the annulment. He did say to me that the priest he spoke to promised to get it done within a month. I live in another state now, so it wasn’t possible for me to verify this. The ex wasn’t even aware of the procedures. Which is why after 3 days of trying to get the Priest at the Bishop house on the phone, when I finally spoke to him, he confirmed what I already knew, and said that no way was it possible for the annulment to get done in a month. Procedures take time.

I didn’t say this before. I believe the ex has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He has no patience for procedures. Everything should have a short cut, according to him, and believes that following the rules, waiting in queues, etc is beneath him. He has always been verbally and emotionally abusive.
It wouldn’t surprise me if he tried to find ways around this too.
He even haughtily said that he doesn’t need the annulment anymore. It makes me wonder as people have been invited for his child’s Baptism party.
 
bellatrix said:
Thank you.
That is true in most cases, well atleast for marriage it is. But for Baptism, it isn’t the norm here.

The girl he married is not Christian. And he isn’t a practicing Catholic either.
Besides that, I do not believe he has approached the right authorities for the annulment. He did say to me that the priest he spoke to promised to get it done within a month. I live in another state now, so it wasn’t possible for me to verify this. The ex wasn’t even aware of the procedures. Which is why after 3 days of trying to get the Priest at the Bishop house on the phone, when I finally spoke to him, he confirmed what I already knew, and said that no way was it possible for the annulment to get done in a month. Procedures take time.

I didn’t say this before. I believe the ex has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He has no patience for procedures. Everything should have a short cut, according to him, and believes that following the rules, waiting in queues, etc is beneath him. He has always been verbally and emotionally abusive.
It wouldn’t surprise me if he tried to find ways around this too.
He even haughtily said that he doesn’t need the annulment anymore. It makes me wonder as people have been invited for his child’s Baptism party.
Click to expand...
You be be interested in this link regarding guidelines for baptism:

annunciationevv.org/Guidelines-for-Baptism

This extract is from these guidelines:

"Are you living in a parish other than the one in which you wish to have your child baptized?

You are required to take your Baptismal Preparation in the parish in which you reside and then receive a testimonial letter from your Parish Priest to have your child baptized in another parish. This requirement respects the reality that pastors normally have sacramental jurisdiction only over their own parishioners. Therefore, when one seeks a sacrament outside of one’s parish, the proper pastor’s permission is necessary. Furthermore, the invitation to connect with one’s own proper parish first is founded on the hope that the faith-life of the family and of the one(s) to be baptized will be lived in community and not in isolation.
 
He now has asked me for an annulment so as to enable him to have his child baptized.

He doesn’t need your permission to get an annulment. Nor does he have to be married in the Catholic Church to get his child baptized.
 
poche said:
He now has asked me for an annulment so as to enable him to have his child baptized.

He doesn’t need your permission to get an annulment. Nor does he have to be married in the Catholic Church to get his child baptized.
Click to expand...
Apparently he does need the annulment for the baptism. Not my permission to file for one, but HE doesn’t have the grounds/ meet the requirements for filing for annulment. That is what was told to me… I met the priest at the archbishop house.
It’s about him being capable (or not) of raising the child Catholic.
 
Marital Status

Your marital status will be clarified during the baptismal preparation process. Baptism is not denied if the parents are unmarried or not married in the Roman Catholic Church. However, there may be reason to postpone Baptism if parents are not practicing the Faith, or have no intention of living a Catholic life in harmony with the Gospel. If your status is not in harmony with the Roman Catholic understanding of sacramental marriage, please inquire as to how we may help you enter into proper sacramental marriage or, if need be, seek a declaration of nullity by the Church.
 
bellatrix said:
Apparently he does need the annulment for the baptism. Not my permission to file for one, but HE doesn’t have the grounds/ meet the requirements for filing for annulment. That is what was told to me… I met the priest at the archbishop house.
It’s about him being capable (or not) of raising the child Catholic.
Click to expand...
OK… so, the real requirement is the (canonical!) requirement of raising the child in the Catholic faith. The particular prudential judgment that the pastor is making is that, if the parents aren’t married and your ex doesn’t even have an annulment, the pastor believes there is no chance that the child will be properly catechized or will participate in the life of the Church.

That’s kind of different than the assertion “a person has to have an annulment and/or be married before getting their baby baptized.”

It’s still kind of confusing, though: it’s as if you’re saying “the pastor says ‘no annulment, no baptism’” but also saying “sorry… you don’t qualify for an annulment.” A refusal of that sort just doesn’t sound right… 🤷
 
I honestly have no idea!

The ex husband is Civil married to a Non Christian. A Muslim to be more specific. But he is Catholic. And wants his child to be Catholic.
I want his child to be baptized!
But he is still married to me according to the Church.
I think therein lies the issue. If I interpreted what I read correctly, it means if he was unmarried and wanted the child baptized, that wouldn’t be an issue.
So for my particular case, he needs to get an annulment so that he can get his child baptized.
I don’t get it tho. Despite the mess, that innocent child should not be denied a baptism.

I might have misunderstood the pastor about the “grounds for annulment” part. I will reconfirm with him tomorrow. What I do know is that since the ex was having an affair with the woman he married since before our marriage, “it makes a valid case”.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top