Divorced; Interracial and Inter-faith

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Just giving the short and straight to the point type of thread

Divorced Catholic female wanting to date a divorced (2) Baptist male, both have children. Live in same southern town, some friends and family members know of us.

Have tried to stop everything (calls, texts, emails, & hang out) but hard when enjoy each other’s company so much. He worrys on all possible topics on us and I take it bit by bit & day by day.

I feel like I’m :yup: :nope: :extrahappy: :banghead: :ouch: :juggle: all at the same time every day
 
jbene1866 said:
Just giving the short and straight to the point type of thread

Divorced Catholic female wanting to date a divorced (2) Baptist male, both have children. Live in same southern town, some friends and family members know of us.

Have tried to stop everything (calls, texts, emails, & hang out) but hard when enjoy each other’s company so much. He worrys on all possible topics on us and I take it bit by bit & day by day.

I feel like I’m :yup: :nope: :extrahappy: :banghead: :ouch: :juggle: all at the same time every day
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I generally encourage people to date only those who share their faith.

I would also encourage people only to date if they are free to marry in the Church. And, of course, only date people who are free to marry in the Church. That means that at the very least, you both would need an annulment from all you previous marriages.

Racial differences often imply cultural differences. As someone who had an inter-racial marriage, I found that these differences create difficulties that are often difficult to overcome. And these difficulties, for me anyway, never went away. I should add that in my case, my former room-mate (ex-wife, marriage annulled) was also from a different country and English was not her first language. That difference complicated communication.
 
First - only date those who are free to marry.

Second - only date those who share your faith - like it or not, 60+% of 2nd and subsequent marriages end in divorce. Why add disparity of faith to that unbalanced equation?

Third - as long as two people are human, they are of the same race. Cultural and moral differences are vastly more important than th color of one’s skin.
 
rpp said:
Thank you very much. Previous marriage for myself was interracial. Yes, it was difficult but workable. It was the personalities & pride that did the marriage in. Various is the spice of life. You’re is too boring for me.🙂

Why do we need to have an annulment to date?? Neither one of us is ready to jump into the marriage fire at this time. One step at a time. It is God that needs to forgive the divorces, not the Church. No matter how hard we both tried to keep the marriages for the kids & the other spouses were the ones that went to the courthouse & lawyers, 😦
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Not sure if I said this. Was married for too long & with kids. No annulment for this woman. Thank for the advice.
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Seems to be some misunderstanding about annulments. There is no length of marriage or number of children that would disqualify you from requiring an annulment. Until you have one you are not free to date. Please talk to your priest asap.

God Bless.
 
I don’t care at all what the color of the skin is of any man who marries my daughters, I would like him to be Catholic however. I really believe your faith, or lack of faith, is fundamental in a strong relationship. It would be impossible for me to live with a person who didn’t put the right to life before all other issues. It would be hard for me to share my life with someone who didn’t believe in the fundamentals of catholic teachings.
Is this person open to sharing your faith and working towards a strong life together, or is this just two people hanging out waiting to see how things go. As a divorced person are you willing to put time into a relationship that might go nowhere or are you ready to start looking toward the future to a life together? There are a lot of questions that you have to ask yourself about your future in considering this relationship.
I pray that you can find happiness and that your family and commuity will support that happiness!
 
Why do we need to have an annulment to date?? Neither one of us is ready to jump into the marriage fire at this time. One step at a time. It is God that needs to forgive the divorces, not the Church. No matter how hard we both tried to keep the marriages for the kids & the other spouses were the ones that went to the courthouse & lawyers,
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You need an annulment because the Church says you do. The Church needs to determine if you entered into a sacramental (binding ) marriage. Until it’s determined otherwise, it’s assumed that you are validly married in the Church, and therefore not free to date. Again, please seek advice of your priest ASAP.
 
kage_ar said:
First - only date those who are free to marry.

Second - only date those who share your faith - like it or not, 60+% of 2nd and subsequent marriages end in divorce. Why add disparity of faith to that unbalanced equation?

Third - as long as two people are human, they are of the same race. Cultural and moral differences are vastly more important than th color of one’s skin.
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Thanks, but we are both free to marry (Man’s Law of Divorce).

I will keep my faith that the Lord God will forgive me for enjoy another man’s company (no more emotional or psychological abuse). If I marry again, I hope the Modern Catholic Church thoughts will allow me some happiness before see my true Judge, Jesus Christ. Love and Marriage may be our future and if we work hard, we can truly have heaven on earth No annulments due to two young adults and little girl (his) and two young men (mine), not fair to them and us.

Your third advice is very true.
 
shannyk said:
Seems to be some misunderstanding about annulments. There is no length of marriage or number of children that would disqualify you from requiring an annulment. Until you have one you are not free to date. Please talk to your priest asap.

God Bless.
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Then I think that I have a true problem. The two priests that I trust and believe: one has passed and the other is in Massachusetts.

Looks like I should stop this whole thing now with him. To me, annulment would be an dishonor to the children and the love that we once had for the ex’s. The marriages and divorces did happen. Got to live with it.🙂
 
jbene1866 said:
Looks like I should stop this whole thing now with him. To me, annulment would be an dishonor to the children and the love that we once had for the ex’s. The marriages and divorces did happen. Got to live with it.🙂
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the annulment has no effect whatever on the status of the children
the annulment would state as fact what one believes when asking for the judgement: that the marriage was invalid from its inception. If you truly believe your first marriage was valid, then it is still valid, and civil divorce notwithstanding, you are still married, and not free to remarry, or even to date or entertain the idea of another romantic entanglement. Race should not even be a factor in this discussion.
 
jbene1866 said:
Then I think that I have a true problem. The two priests that I trust and believe: one has passed and the other is in Massachusetts.

Looks like I should stop this whole thing now with him. To me, annulment would be an dishonor to the children and the love that we once had for the ex’s. The marriages and divorces did happen. Got to live with it.🙂
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A decree of nullity doesn’t deny the fact that the marriage (legal) happened, all it does is say that as far as the Church is concerned there was something in existance at the time you spoke your vows that made those vows invalid and that ‘something’ didn’t come to the Church’s attention until now.

It doesn’t negate the lives the two of you had with your respective exes, nor does it change your children’s status.
 
Lovemyfaith said:
I don’t care at all what the color of the skin is of any man who marries my daughters, I would like him to be Catholic however. I really believe your faith, or lack of faith, is fundamental in a strong relationship. It would be impossible for me to live with a person who didn’t put the right to life before all other issues. It would be hard for me to share my life with someone who didn’t believe in the fundamentals of catholic teachings.
Is this person open to sharing your faith and working towards a strong life together, or is this just two people hanging out waiting to see how things go. As a divorced person are you willing to put time into a relationship that might go nowhere or are you ready to start looking toward the future to a life together? There are a lot of questions that you have to ask yourself about your future in considering this relationship.
I pray that you can find happiness and that your family and commuity will support that happiness!
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Sorry, He’s a Baptist man with children. We support each other’s faith, being that we are both Christians and working towards a stronger life together, here and afterwards with God. Our Judge is Jesus Christ and we can both stand in front of him knowing that he is our Saviour.

Thank you for your pray for love, happiness, and faith of our families, friends and community.😃
 
puzzleannie said:
the annulment has no effect whatever on the status of the children
the annulment would state as fact what one believes when asking for the judgement: that the marriage was invalid from its inception. If you truly believe your first marriage was valid, then it is still valid, and civil divorce notwithstanding, you are still married, and not free to remarry, or even to date or entertain the idea of another romantic entanglement. Race should not even be a factor in this discussion.
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Never mind the children or race. All the marriages were valid in the eyes and heart of the people invited to see a beautiful creation of two people coming together.

Looks like if I decide to remarry at any future time that it will not be in my nearest Catholic church.
 
Phemie said:
A decree of nullity doesn’t deny the fact that the marriage (legal) happened, all it does is say that as far as the Church is concerned there was something in existance at the time you spoke your vows that made those vows invalid and that ‘something’ didn’t come to the Church’s attention until now.

It doesn’t negate the lives the two of you had with your respective exes, nor does it change your children’s status.
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Thank you for your words. It makes me more comfortable if that time comes to be that we want to get married. God can only tell us when that will be in the future.
 
jbene1866 said:
Never mind the children or race. All the marriages were valid in the eyes and heart of the people invited to see a beautiful creation of two people coming together.

Looks like if I decide to remarry at any future time that it will not be in my nearest Catholic church.
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Unfortunately that’s probably the case. But I don’t see why that would bother you since you don’t seem to believe the Church has any authority to speak on these matters.
 
montanaman said:
Unfortunately that’s probably the case. But I don’t see why that would bother you since you don’t seem to believe the Church has any authority to speak on these matters.
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The only reason I feel like this, I started this day thinking that I finally finded a great guy who I can TALK to about religion, our families & friends, the exes, life and us.

Thank you all who are not supportive of a non-abusive relationship for the both of us. I hate to inform the masses but everyone deserves one person to be happy with friendship or marriage.

We hadn’t even had a true date, with no kids, family or friends. You have us annulling our previous spouses just so that we can date, never mind a future marriage.

We have alright talked to his Pastor about this and still need to talk to a Priest. To tell you the truth, I’m more worried about Lord Jesus than the Catholic Church at this moment with this decision.👍
 
jbene1866 said:
Why do we need to have an annulment to date?? Neither one of us is ready to jump into the marriage fire at this time. One step at a time. It is God that needs to forgive the divorces, not the Church. No matter how hard we both tried to keep the marriages for the kids & the other spouses were the ones that went to the courthouse & lawyers, 😦
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You may be civilly divorced but you are still presumed to be married because marriage is indissoluble. It is confusing to use the term “annulment” because it implies that the marriage is being MADE null, when in fact all a “decree of nullity” does is to DECLARE that the marriage NEVER happened in the first place because of some defect that existed at the time of the marriage.

This is NOT about how “hard you tried.” It is about the a marriage that has not been demonstrated never to have existed.
 
jbene1866 said:
Then I think that I have a true problem. The two priests that I trust and believe: one has passed and the other is in Massachusetts.

Looks like I should stop this whole thing now with him. To me, annulment would be an dishonor to the children and the love that we once had for the ex’s. The marriages and divorces did happen. Got to live with it.🙂
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It is NOT true that a decree of nullity would in any way dishonor your children or your spouse. At this point you really do not KNOW whether the marriages actually “happened” or whether a pre-existing impediment, unknown at the time made the marriages impossible despite your good faith. What you DO know is that you are NOT divorced, except in the civil court, which has no authority at all over the Sacrament of Matrimony. All the civil courts do with regard to Christian marriages is to recognize that they are legal.
 
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