Divorced mother in law - remarrying

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My inlaws are civilly divorced and have not received an anullment; they were married in the Catholic Church. My mother in law has talked of getting remarried with someone else.

Can I in any good conscience attend said wedding, knowing full well that it is invalid and it puts their souls on the line?
 
That’s a tough one and I really think you should speak to a trusted priest. I think you have an obligation to tell your MIL what the Church teaches on this subject. But the fact is, she may already “know” what the Church teaches but may not understand it or believe it. My husband was a baptized Catholic married to a baptized Catholic in the Catholic Church. They were married 5 years and had two children. She divorced him and a year later he met me and two years after that we were married in a Protestant Church. I was not even baptized and what little I knew about religion was from Protestant churches. My husband knew he could not marry in the Catholic Church, but I don’t think he fully understood the seriousness of the situation. Eventually things worked out–10 years after our civil marriage, my husband’s first marriage was annulled, we were married in the Catholic Church, and I was baptized and confirmed. But looking back, if my husband’s family had refused to attend our wedding, I would not have understood and it would have caused a lot of bad feelings. So, I’m just saying there is a “fine line” to tread here. You don’t want to participate in your MIL’s sin and yet you don’t want to burn any bridges that might lead her back to the Church. Speak to a good priest (or two), tell your MIL what the Church teaches and how you love her and are concerned for her salvation, and pray for her as much as you can. I hope you can find a good priest to help you make the best choice possible.
 
Mike2010 said:
My inlaws are civilly divorced and have not received an anullment; they were married in the Catholic Church. My mother in law has talked of getting remarried with someone else.

Can I in any good conscience attend said wedding, knowing full well that it is invalid and it puts their souls on the line?
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When we attend weddings, we are showing our support to the couple getting married. So, you cannot attend the wedding.

You might speak with your spouse about this and ask her to visit with her mother to make sure MIL knows the Catholic teaching. You might go a step further and let her know that you and your wife will not support this behavior (which is adultery…unless they actually receive an annulment) with complaisance, flattery, or adulation…as such may give scandal.

This site gives a great in-depth explanation…and is less opinionated than my own words.
cuf.org/faithfacts/details_view.asp?ffID=137
 
I will add that knowing what I know today and where I am in my faith at this time, I would not attend a wedding such as you’ve described. I just wanted to tell what happened in my case and how I would have felt at that time if my husband’s family had not attended. At the same time, I was not even baptized so not really even a Christian (except that I had asked Jesus into my heart in the third grade). Thus, I would not have understood if my husband’s family had not attended and it may have alienated me from them. However, in your case, MIL should know Church teachings and she should understand somewhat (even if not fully) why you don’t want to attend. Perhaps the best solution would be to not attend the wedding but to be kind to MIL’s new husband after the marriage–treat them in a Christian manner and pray for them. Again, I would STRONGLY advise you to speak to a good, traditional minded priest whose opinion you trust.
 
Talk to your priest. A lot of people on here say that a Catholic can’t support or participate in an invalid wedding, but that has not been my experience. My wedding will be invalid and not only has my fiance’s family been given permission by their priest to attend, several of them are participating in it. Even his cloistered nun sister is writing something to be read during the ceremony.

I think that talking to a priest about your specific circumstances would be helpful. At least with my fiance’s family the big question that the priest focused on was whether or not avoiding the wedding would do more harm than good when it came to our souls and the good of the family and any future children we may have.
 
It’s true that talking to a priest is a very good idea. Make it clear that you want to do the right thing, not the easy thing. If he clearly understands that, then you can rely on his advice if he tells you that you can attend the wedding if necessary in order to maintain the relationship. At the very minimum, in such a circumstance (which is rapidly approaching for me too with a close relative), I’d not agree to be in the wedding party, but I would probably attend after first politely making clear to the relative that you’re worried about her, you pray for her and that you hope she’ll at least explore the tribunal process to see if her previous marriage really was a sacramental union. Your duty is NOT to be her spiritual policeman, just to be a witness. As long as she knows where you stand on the permanence and sanctity of marriage, being there for her in spite of your reservations is an act of love, not enabling. Just don’t chicken out of the hard part of talking to her about it.
 
There are situations in which some priests will counsel some people to go to the wedding for the sake of preserving the relationship. The argument is that if the relationship is at least intact, you have a better chance of being able to influence them in the longer term, than if the relationship is completely severed. Other than that situation, one should not attend an invalid wedding, and I believe in ALL situations, one is not permitted to participate as an official witness to the wedding (which means you can’t be in the wedding party, even if you do attend). Whether your situation is the type where not going will result in the obliteration of the relationship, and whether it is necessary in to compromise and attend this particular wedding, we couldn’t tell you. That is where the trusted priest might be of some help to you. The other factor is if you have children. It is one thing to attend an invalid wedding as an adult, knowing that what is happening is not right. It is quite another to bring a child to something that causes them to be confused about right and wrong. Again, that’s not to say it is completely black and white. But there is a heavy weight towards not attending.

Personally, I wouldn’t touch it with a 10 foot pole, and I’d be very straightforward with my mil about it (actually as the son in law, you would probably be best to have your wife do the explaining, and you be her support). I definitely wouldn’t let my kids witness the wedding. Of course, I know that many people are not as straightfoward with their families about their faith as we are. I am a firm believer in letting people know the real me. So it does not come as a shock to anyone when I make unusual decisions based on my faith. One side of the family is very big on integrity, and understands that following your conscience is a matter of integrity. The other side of the family is getting used to us being really different in how we think, and they are starting to understand that we are capable of loving them despite our differences, and they are capable of loving us, even though they think we’re crazy. And we have declined 2 weddings, and we have gotten past it.
 
Thank you all for your responses & advice. I’ll consult a priest and pray a lot about it. It is definitely not a comfortable feeling. I have strong leanings towards not going, because my mil knows the Church thinks its wrong.
 
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