Divorced Mother Taking Communion/Wine

[mrose1]

The OP’s clarification that the initial marriage was never granted a Decree of Nullity is of utmost importance here. The OP’s mother’s attempt at procuring a 2nd “marriage” renders her cut off from the Sacraments of the Church. At this point, giving or not giving her Communion has nothing to do with assuming Christian charity about whether she went to Confession recently: she cannot go to Confession (more properly, she cannot receive valid absolution). This sort of issue is not one which can be worked out in a Confessional.

Those who divorce, are not grated a decree of nullity, and then attempt remarriage, cannot receive the Sacraments of the Church. Period.

 

[praxising]

That divorce was painful for you, but not really your business. No one knows what happens between a husband and wife but they, themselves. Certainly not a child. I hope you’ll ask her to forgive you for holding on to a childish grudge for all these decades.

Uh-huh. So you went through what most of us went through when our parents divorced. The divorce was not your business. You are clueless about what went down between those people. What are you mad at her for, exactly? Living in a basement,? Did she live there, too, or leave you in the cellar while she ran off to Bermuda with a rich real estate developer? Get drunk every night and pass out on the concrete floor?

You don’t get to judge her. You do get to have your feelings about it, but you also need to grow up get over it. Therapy. Mourning. Closure. Moving on.

You’re going to rat out your mother? Wow, you are still really mad, aren’t you? You never thought of telling her to chose another minister in future should it happen again?

Praxising, I do not believe you are giving me the most charitable benefit of the doubt here. Did not St. Ignatius in his Spiritual Exercises implore us to do so else hold our tongues?

OHHHHHHHHH - well, I’m just a big ol’ sinner, I guess.

It’s a message board and you need to consider the possibility that the one person you need to hear from here, to get past this continual state of sin you are generating in terms of your mother, is me.

What he’ll advise re: my mother is what I’ll be interested in.

I’m absolutely positive that’s true.

 

[Cristiano]

Uh-huh. So you went through what most of us went through when our parents divorced. The divorce was not your business. You are clueless about what went down between those people. What are you mad at her for, exactly? Living in a basement,? Did she live there, too, or leave you in the cellar while she ran off to Bermuda with a rich real estate developer? Get drunk every night and pass out on the concrete floor?

You don’t get to judge her. You do get to have your feelings about it, but you also need to grow up get over it. Therapy. Mourning. Closure. Moving on.

OHHHHHHHHH - well, I’m just a big ol’ sinner, I guess.

It’s a message board and you need to consider the possibility that the one person you need to hear from here, to get past this continual state of sin you are generating in terms of your mother, is me.

I’m absolutely positive that’s true.

From the way you address the OP you sound quite angry; however, that it is not a justification to discount what the OP has said. A divorce affects the kids and as human beings we have the right and obligation to judge behaviors. The OP should not judge her mother (e.g. hell vs. heaven) but she has every right to judge behaviors associated with the divorce and after the divorce. Children are victims of divorce and saying to just go to therapy is really making justifications for bad behaviors. Therapy can be very useful in healing but it does not remove the accountability of the source of the problem.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

Hi,

I guess I should have mentioned that my mother remarried without getting her previous marriage annulled. I understand that the problem is the remarriage. Perhaps my mother and stepfather are living chastely – that’s definitely a topic I’m not going to broach

If I had been given more time or if I was scheduled to be a Eucharistic minister on a rare Sunday when my mother and stepmother were attending, and if it wasn’t Mother’s Day, I would have made them aware not to come to me for communion. But then I would have had to deal with their hurt feelings, real or not, and all that baggage we sometimes get from our parents.

But because it happened all so suddenly under such adverse circumstances … that’s why I’m wondering whether or not I did the right thing.

Yes, I know I cannot judge her nor do I know the state of her soul. That’s why, I guess, I ultimately gave her the Blood.

There seems to be some differences of opinions whether this is a “sign” or not. I understand that God would not use the sacrament in such a way but, as has also been pointed out, I don’t know for sure if my mother is abusing the sacrament.

Thank you all for your thoughts and opinions. Much food for thought for me.

I’m scheduled to serve again in two weeks. I’ll talk to my priest before then to find out what he (and presumably, the Church) thinks on this subject.

I have the same issue with my dad and stepmom…although I’m not an EMHC…but I know, and my stepmom has told me, that she is not…will not get an annullment from her previous marriage. So…it does bother me…especially when my husband was just in RCIA and had to wait so long to receive communion. It does make me sad…

That being said…ultimately it is her decision…she knows what the Church says but continues to persist…all I can do is pray for her…which is really all that you can do.

 

[Lance917]

Lay people are not Eucharistic Ministers. You cannot confect the Eucharist.

Lay people, who, in extraordinary circumstances are called upon to help with Holy Communion, are called Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion.

Sorry, I just saw the phrase being used a lot here and as far as I could tell it wasn’t corrected.

Yes, you are correct of course. Chalk up my use of the term “Eucharistic Minister” in this thread to laziness and habit.

Thanks again to all who’ve posted with helpful comments!

 

[Claire_from_DE]

The OP’s clarification that the initial marriage was never granted a Decree of Nullity is of utmost importance here. The OP’s mother’s attempt at procuring a 2nd “marriage” renders her cut off from the Sacraments of the Church. At this point, giving or not giving her Communion has nothing to do with assuming Christian charity about whether she went to Confession recently: she cannot go to Confession (more properly, she cannot receive valid absolution). This sort of issue is not one which can be worked out in a Confessional.

Those who divorce, are not grated a decree of nullity, and then attempt remarriage, cannot receive the Sacraments of the Church. Period.

Perhaps they are living chastely and have permission to receive Communion…

 

[PJM]

Hi all.

I’ve been a Eucharistic minister at my parish for the past two years and right now I feel a little confused. I’m in my mid-forties and my mother (in her sixties) and step-father came to my church and will stop over my house later for brunch. She and my father divorced when I was thirteen. She regularly takes communion, which irks me, but I have never said anything to anyone about it. My mother-in-law, also a woman with divorce in her past, attends church weekly but abstains from receiving communion for that specific reason.

I was not scheduled to serve today but they were shorthanded and I was asked to sub. I agreed with a heavy heart because – what if I was assigned to give out the Body of Christ and my mother came to me? It was all I could think about during the lead-up to communion.

It turns out I was given the Blood of Christ, and, yes, my mother and step-father did come to me. I performed my duties as I would to any stranger in line, offering the cup to them as I would any other.

But I still feel a bit odd. Is this a sign, perhaps, to forgive her for what she did all those years ago, seeing how it is Mother’s Day and I was asked to substitute as a minister when I wasn’t scheduled? I normally don’t see her on a day-to-day basis but we have an okay relationship, though that divorce is still a sore spot in my heart.

Any thoughts? Would you have done anything different?

Divoriced Catholic who 1. Reamin in the STATE OF GRACE [w/o Mortal sin] and 2. remain single can still receive the Sacraments.

Remarried catholics without Annulments CANNOT.

Hope that helps you. IF you know of a problem discuss it in detail with your Pastor and allowm HIM to make the judgment call.

God Bless,
Pat

 

[laszlo]

You have some obligation to tell your mother privately that she is not supposed to receive Holy Communion due to his status living w/o valid marriage; and also to ask her not to came to you, to receive the Holy Communion.

In other hand you are not supposed to make public scandal based on your private information, so if she came to you do as you would do to anyone else.

As for forgiving her, if she left you in the time when you needed her: you must not hate her. On other hand you should not approve her behavior as natural. It was sin, and apparently still unreconciled. Accepting her to lunch, is sufficient sign of the required ‘forgiveness’. I think.

Hi all.

I’ve been a Eucharistic minister at my parish for the past two years and right now I feel a little confused. I’m in my mid-forties and my mother (in her sixties) and step-father came to my church and will stop over my house later for brunch. She and my father divorced when I was thirteen. She regularly takes communion, which irks me, but I have never said anything to anyone about it. My mother-in-law, also a woman with divorce in her past, attends church weekly but abstains from receiving communion for that specific reason.

I was not scheduled to serve today but they were shorthanded and I was asked to sub. I agreed with a heavy heart because – what if I was assigned to give out the Body of Christ and my mother came to me? It was all I could think about during the lead-up to communion.

It turns out I was given the Blood of Christ, and, yes, my mother and step-father did come to me. I performed my duties as I would to any stranger in line, offering the cup to them as I would any other.

But I still feel a bit odd. Is this a sign, perhaps, to forgive her for what she did all those years ago, seeing how it is Mother’s Day and I was asked to substitute as a minister when I wasn’t scheduled? I normally don’t see her on a day-to-day basis but we have an okay relationship, though that divorce is still a sore spot in my heart.

Any thoughts? Would you have done anything different?