Divorced, remarried, going to church, what about communion?

[desert_lily]

I’ve led a very complicated life. I got married in the Church in the 60s, even though I really didn’t practice the faith too much. Four years and two children later, I got a civil divorce. About 15 years later, when I really was not practicing the faith, I got remarried outside the Church, and that marriage lasted for about 10 years before a civil divorce. Almost eight years ago, I started going back to mass at the time I was living with someone (life is lonely…). I eventually got a civil marriage, but was no longer going to mass. In early 2008, I started going back to mass, I have been going weekly since. My spouse also comes with me. My husband was married before as well (was married in the Catholic Church and then got a civil divorce.) When at mass, I see other people being able to go to communion, but I know I can’t. My husband has suspected that I would like to receive communion, and I know it hurts his feelings - if I want to receive communion, I must first be out of my relationship with him first (right?). I love him very much, but I do so yearn to receive Our Lord after so many long years. I don’t know what to do.

Certainly, there must be some possibilities? What if I led a chaste marriage with my husband (we’re in our late 60s anyway)? If per say I would actually discontinue my marriage, would I have to get a civil divorce first? What if we were just separated? (I’m just going over my options)

My husband has hinted that even if we were to separate, I couldn’t receive communion anyway because I am divorced from my first husband from a Catholic marriage, so it doesn’t matter. Is this true? Suppose I could make full amends without “reviving” my first marriage, could it be possible then? Or, does it really matter? So long as my first husband is alive (alive and well, with a lapse religion, and a re-marriage), I can never, ever receive communion…?

PLEASE HELP! And, if possible, could you refer me to proper websites, books etc? I have tried to talk to a priest, but we live in a rural area with a missionary priest coming in on just Sundays, and he doesn’t have the time to talk.

 

[Seatuck]

I’ve led a very complicated life. I got married in the Church in the 60s, even though I really didn’t practice the faith too much. Four years and two children later, I got a civil divorce. About 15 years later, when I really was not practicing the faith, I got remarried outside the Church, and that marriage lasted for about 10 years before a civil divorce. Almost eight years ago, I started going back to mass at the time I was living with someone (life is lonely…). I eventually got a civil marriage, but was no longer going to mass. In early 2008, I started going back to mass, I have been going weekly since. My spouse also comes with me. My husband was married before as well (was married in the Catholic Church and then got a civil divorce.) When at mass, I see other people being able to go to communion, but I know I can’t. My husband has suspected that I would like to receive communion, and I know it hurts his feelings - if I want to receive communion, I must first be out of my relationship with him first (right?). I love him very much, but I do so yearn to receive Our Lord after so many long years. I don’t know what to do.

Certainly, there must be some possibilities? What if I led a chaste marriage with my husband (we’re in our late 60s anyway)? If per say I would actually discontinue my marriage, would I have to get a civil divorce first? What if we were just separated? (I’m just going over my options)

My husband has hinted that even if we were to separate, I couldn’t receive communion anyway because I am divorced from my first husband from a Catholic marriage, so it doesn’t matter. Is this true? Suppose I could make full amends without “reviving” my first marriage, could it be possible then? Or, does it really matter? So long as my first husband is alive (alive and well, with a lapse religion, and a re-marriage), I can never, ever receive communion…?

PLEASE HELP! And, if possible, could you refer me to proper websites, books etc? I have tried to talk to a priest, but we live in a rural area with a missionary priest coming in on just Sundays, and he doesn’t have the time to talk.

Make an appointment with the pastor at the parish where you have been attending Mass.EDIT I see you said you tried that. Call up the next nearest Parish or the Diocese and get someone to help you . Keep coming to Mass! The Holy Spirit is Obviously working with you two. Divorce isn’t necessarily what keeps you from Communion- sin and remarriage outside the church do.Anyway there are some options for you . But you need some spiritual direction to get through them.

 

[1ke]

You and your husband need to make an appointment with the priest. Catching him after Mass, especially if he is off to another parish to say Mass, is not the time. This may require you to travel to him or him to you on a weekday.

You and your husband need to both read up on Church teaching regarding marriage, and seek to validate your marriage in the Church. This will require you to **both **submit your prior marriages to a tribunal investigation for validity.

If you two were to live chastely until this is all sorted out, you may be able to return to the Sacraments, under the guidance of your priest.

Your husband is incorrect regarding divorce being an impediment to the Sacraments. It is not. It is remarriage that is the problem.

I suggest you buy the book Annulment: The Wedding That Was by Michael Smith Foster and read it together.

Make an appointment with your priest, tell him all the details, and let him guide you through the tribunal process or refer you to someone who can do that.