Divorced, Remarried, Widow

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My first marriage ended through divorce and later I was remarried. Then my second husband died. When I attend Mass how should I be answering people about my maritial status? Am I lying when I say I’m a widow? Thanks, KChan
 
Hi im sorry to hear about your husband dying.Sorry you had to go through a divorce you certainly had your share of sadness & difficulties.You dont mention whether you received a decree of nullity for the first marriage.In any case you are a widow.So thats all you need to describe yourself to other parishioners.
I dont know enough details (nor should i) but a chat with your parish priest will be very useful to you.I know you can receive Holy communion as you are,if your marriage to the first husband was not annulled then through the eyes of the church you are still married to him.But …i am not an expert just a regular person like yourself.You are loved by God & i will keep you in my prayers.God bless
 
Thanks for your reply. I haven’t even started RCIA yet, I’m serious about becoming Catholic but I suppose I still fall into the catagory of “checking things out,” however some inquiries seem less than casual. (i.e.,"Are you married? I have a son about your age who’ll be here to visit in August!’) In the future I don’t want to appear to have been deceptive about this. In the present I don’t like to give folks TMI when I don’t need to.
 
Good luck with RCIA when you start, you are a wonderful addition to the church and God loves you and is guiding you to Him.
Dont worry about people you meet who are politely enquiring/being friendly.You are not being deceptive.I dont tell everyone i meet all my personal business.My sister is divorced & has 4 kids only got them baptised last year.All sorts of people asked her questions to begin with but only the priest needed to know every detail.As she made friends(lots of them) she has confided in the one/two she thinks need to know her private life.im sure it will be the same for you.God bless you my sister in Christ im very excited for you, for your future.Pray to God He will guide you.
Speak to the priest in confidence about any concerns/fears you may have.You are so welcome sister.
God Bless
 
You could tell well-meaning inquirers that you are widowed, and turn down offers of dates with a mention that you are not yet ready to consider that. They will safely assume that you are still grieving, and the annulment, if it happens, remains your private business.
 
That’s true and therefore a perfect response! Thank you, KC
 
Dear Kim and all:

In regard to becoming Catholic, doesn’t much depend upon how the OP’s original marriage was performed? Doesn’t the Church recognize the validity of some non-Catholic marriages but not others? That was my understanding, but I might be wrong.

Even if your first marriage is valid in the eyes of the Church, since you are no longer in a man/woman relationship then you are not in a state of sin since the Church doesn’t recognize your divorce. If the Church does recognize your first marriage as valid, then I would think you would be required to get an annulment before remarrying again if that should one day be your desire.

Would others here please correct me if anything I wrote is incorrect?

Thanks.
 
Hello Don Kim and all
I think Don you have made some interesting points but i think if you read my 1st response to kim you’ll see i’ve already mentioned that.Kim is fine as she is (as far as the church is concerned) a widow.She needs to speak to the priest though and if she wishes to have a further relationship in her life she may need to seek A Decree of Nullity.I thought i had explained this in my first response.Only the priest needs to know her personal business and he will be able to advise accordingly.I hope thats ok Don?I hope you agree with what i already advised Kim?
Kim I hope you enjoy being in RCIA & joining the church.We are so happy for you & excited.God bless you.
 
tbcrawford said:
Hello Don Kim and all
I think Don you have made some interesting points but i think if you read my 1st response to kim you’ll see i’ve already mentioned that.Kim is fine as she is (as far as the church is concerned) a widow.She needs to speak to the priest though and if she wishes to have a further relationship in her life she may need to seek A Decree of Nullity.I thought i had explained this in my first response.Only the priest needs to know her personal business and he will be able to advise accordingly.I hope thats ok Don?I hope you agree with what i already advised Kim?
Kim I hope you enjoy being in RCIA & joining the church.We are so happy for you & excited.God bless you.
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Dear TB,

Yes, I agree. I see no impediment with the OP converting to Catholicism. There might be an issue if she ever wants to marry again, which, as you indicate, she would have to discuss with a priest. This assumes her first husband is still alive in the event.

Thanks.

Don
 
As the head of our Parish’s RCIA program, I work very closely with our parish advocate for annullments, and the tribunal at the diocesean level.

Based on what the OP has stated, the responses you have received so far have been correct.

In the eyes of the Church, the first marriage is considered valid, even though it ended in divorce. The second one isn’t/wasn’t, because the cause for annullment of the first one was not investigated.

The Church initally considers all first marriages valid, including civil marriages, because a sacramental bond could exist even though the ceremony itself may have been a civil one.
There is an investigative process involved which looks at many factors, including which members of the marriage were baptized or not, was one individual baptized Catholic,etc.

Previous posters were correct when they stated that should there be a possiblity of another marriage in the future, you should speak with your priest, or parish advocate for annullments to get that taken care of. (currently, in our diocese, that can take 18 months or so)

On a personal level, I agree with previous posters that there would be nothing wrong with telling people (if you choose) that you are widowed, but in the eyes of the Church, you are technically divorced.

God Bless you on your journey.
 
Thank you to everyone for your replies. I am aware of the process for annulment, I hope I won’t ever need one (unless Pope Benedict makes “consecrated widows” official!) I mostly was worried what the average Catholic parishioner would make of things. My worst nightmare: Elderly widows A and B look at me and think, “Sneaky harlot, she said she was a widow, she was just another fornicator. Boo hiss hiss.”
You guys were correct, and it has been confirmed to me, that it is not dishonest to say I am a widow and the rest is no one’s business but mine and the Monsignor’s.
Thanks again for your help, God Bless! KC
 
God bless you KC and enjoy being part of the church.I am excited for you and will keep you in my prayers.You are correct your business is private only your priest and God need to know.My love to you my sister in Christ
 
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