Divorced

[styrgwillidar]

I can see how some of my earlier posts may have seemed judgmental to others. I’m sorry if anyone felt that way. I know that often decrees of nullity are sought for reasons other than wanting a “Catholic divorce.” I guess I have been pretty bitter for the last year and some odd months - believing that I am now called to live the sacrifices that my faith sometimes entails, going online to seek some kind of support (or even the knowledge that I’m not the only one facing this), and having virtually every source drum “annulment” into my ear. Living in a world that ceaselessly reinforces the message that your life is empty and incomplete if you don’t have a romantic (or, anymore, sexual) partner. People not even knowing how to talk to me because that is not a part of my life. Trying to live the hard truths, and even among the people at church hearing them say, “Well, you know, the Church teaching is just out of touch with reality. They have no right to tell you marriage is forever.” Physical touch has always been the only way I feel love - I can know that someone loves me by the kindness they show me, but the emotional emptiness only fills up when someone hugs me, cuddles with me - the sadness is only comforted when someone holds me. But I don’t dare pursue that kind of touch - feeling as lonely as I do, I’m afraid of where my mind and heart would take that. And in the Church in this part of the country, it is hard to find someone who can relate to the periodic continence involved in NFP (they pretty much disregard Church teachings in this respect), much less someone who can relate to looking ahead into a celibate future, swimming entirely against the cultural current. I am embracing this because I believe that God can show me a life I never knew could happen, and people can see through me that there is happiness even in the suffering that faith can often demand. But right now it hurts, and I don’t know how to be happy, and I don’t know how to deal with the pain. I guess I’ll stop my tirade for now.

Well, I can only speak for myself, but you didn’t come off as judgmental to me at all. It’s was a very disorienting and confusing time for me. I didn’t understand the why of things, and I needed to, the annulment process- having independent folks opinions helped. A good time to go through the process is when you don’t really care about the answer, just the truth. You never know, the first step is sitting down with your priest who may see no grounds and you’ll have an answer and be more at peace.

You have found a good friend-- you need them right now. You need a sounding board. You need someone to talk to, but you have a legitimate concern that it may go beyond the boundaries of friendship. If you’ve been upfront I don’t see a problem, there are bright lines you won’t cross.

It is hard because even my Catholic acquaintances would inquire whether I was dating, had people in mind who might be a good friend for me. Not to mention other folks who simply don’t understand or relate to the Catholic position on marriage. The idea that one didn’t just make a promise to a human being, we made a vow before God.

As for happiness- Enjoy the little things. (Zombieland Rule 32)

Truly- a sunrise, a flower, the ability to breath deeply, the ability to feel a breeze on your face, your children’s smile, the ability to see, to walk… when the large things start to overwhelm you take a moment to just appreciate something small and thank God for it.

 

[pianistclare]

I hope you will think about this:

Annulment is a healing thing. Not a destructive thing.
Discuss THIS with your priest or Spiritual Director.
It just could be the kindest thing you two do for each other.

Be assured of our prayers.