Divorcing: Catholic wife/Step-Mother needed

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Gwendolen said:
That relationship did not survive. I do not recommend it, and any delay in obtaining an annulment might be well spent figuring how to help your kids heal and building up YOUR relationship with them as much as possible without adding a romantic attachment, that to be honest, will be another person wanting you to invest yourself/time in a relationship, leaving less energy for your kids. It would be nearly impossible to develop/maintain a partnership any other way. As well, it is very worth extending the effort to make sure their relationship with their actual mother is a strong as possible under the circumstances. A family therapist might be the way to go on that one.

There are a lot of other things I want to say, but without knowing more about your family set up, such as whether or not you are the primary caretaker for the kids, their current contact with their mom, etc, I can’t make the words come out right.

I do wish you the best, and will pray for you, your wife, and your
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Thanks. Sounds wise.
 
Your kids do not need a step-mom, but you might need a wife. Don’t confuse the two.
 
divorce is hard on the kids, doen’st matter who initiated it, and doesn’t matter how bad the mom was, there is always a little part inside the kids that hopes and prays that their parents will eventually work things out.

I’m not going to go so far and say you may never finde someone else in your life or that all step-parenting is bad, it isn’t always. but it takes time. jumping in to something new so soon is not a good idea

take caer of your children the best you can. if the time ever comes, then you will know.
 
Your children can find healthy female examples in many places.

There are Catholic organisations that focus on girls, such as American Heritage Girls (some dioceses have stepped away from the Girl Scouts). You can find them here: https://www.americanheritagegirls.org/

You can also enrol them in activities that foster and encourage self confidence and team work, such as team sports like soccer.

Domestic help may be the easy way to go when it comes to day to day life.

Personally, I don’t think running into a new relationship would be at all wise. I think everyone, including your children, have to grieve and process the change that is happening.

I wish you all the best and will pray for you. 🌷
 
I occasionally consider the question of what would/should happen in the case of my untimely demise. (Our kids are 15, 13 and 5, so roughly your kids’ range.)

I think my husband would benefit a lot from remarriage.

However, having dealt with my oldest for a few years as a late tween/teen, I think that any step-mom would be instantly in hell dealing with her. I’m not sure about Middle Kid (although he probably would dislike losing his dad’s attention and having a stranger at home). Our youngest is 5 and a girl, has never met a stranger, and I think she would be very likely to bond very fast with a step-mom and it could be very beneficial for her.

I suspect that the OP’s kids would have similarly varied responses.

If you do get an annulment, take it easy, and realize that (as others have said), your kids don’t need a step-mom. They do need stability and your undivided attention for at least a couple years.

Best wishes!
 
anikins said:
Your kids do not need a step-mom, but you might need a wife. Don’t confuse the two.
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I agree with this.

The OP perhaps think about this first. You may need a wife. Children usually, make that most of the time, I am saying that maybe because there are exceptions, do not need step mum, regardless if their mother is still alive or not.

You’re saying they need a step-mum, perhaps there are many things that your wife did, which need someone to take over. Unfortunately, nobody can replace a mother satisfactorily.

God bless.
 
I know a man whose mother died giving birth to him. He and his three other siblings were raised by a devout Catholic live-in nanny. His father did not remarry, and died when this man was nineteen.

This man has been a priest for more than forty years.

It can be done. May the Lord bless you and your family during this delicate time, and beyond.
 
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Kids in general follow the faith of their father. It is important that your kids stay close to you, that you always have time and energy for them (that would be divided wooing a new woman). Stay single until your kids are grown.
 
Give yourself credit for the example you provide. The kids must know how you tried to keep the marriage together, and the love you have for your wife.
 
Have they been raised in the church? Why exactly is your wife leaving?

I would guess your kids have godparents and the older ones have confirmation sponsors, yes? They can be their guides.

Are you just squeamish about teaching girls about periods or something?
 
Kids do not need step-mothers, and please don’t marry someone for that purpose. That wouldn’t be fair to the woman.
 
Sounds like a fantasy like … “The Sound of Music”!

I recommend healing your wounds. Making yourself the best man you can be. Chase God, and look around to see who’s chasing God with you.
 
You may want them to have a new stepmum. But they don’t need one.

Why, after divorcing, are you so eager to marry again? How will your next marriage be different from the previous one? You need to evaluate and examine why your marriage went on the skids and into divorce and do some emotional growing before you even think about taking another woman for your wife.

It sounds to me like the want and need for a new companion is really yours and not your kids.
 
jswranch said:
My poor girls have NO EXAMPLES of how a woman handles her emotions in a healthy way.
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The type of woman you would find who would rush into a relationship with a man with 5 kids is not likely to be the emotionally healthy example you would like them to see.

Do you trust that Christ is able to do exceedingly above all we could ask or think, according to HIS power at work within your girls? If Christ’s power is enough to redeem us & make us a new creation, isn’t it enough to renew the minds of your children? The fruit of the Spirit growing in them will overtake their unhealthy example. You be healthy & Spirit-filled, keep them attending worship & surrounded by those who are filled with Christ, & pray the God in His grace will cover what they (& you) lack. Blessings to you through this grief.
 
birthjunkiemom said:
The type of woman you would find who would rush into a relationship with a man with 5 kids is not likely to be the emotionally healthy example you would like them to see.
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There is that.

A sensible woman would proceed with extreme caution.
 
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