Divorcing parents and gay brother

[BloodySushi]

I really haven’t had anyone to talk to about things that are going on in my family life. Umm, well, to begin with my parents have wanted a divorce for about five years now and they can’t stand to be around one another and are always saying bad things about the other to me. I have a really hard time dealing with it as I love them both and don’t want to be involved. Any advice on what to do would be great. I am currently seeing a counselor about this and we’ve talked about a few things, so this isn’t really the biggest issue for me.
I’ve also just learned that my younger brother is gay, he’s only 15 and I really don’t know what to think. I used to think it didn’t matter if people were gay, as long as they weren’t promiscuous. However I’ve seen the teasing and stuff he gets for acting “girly”. I love my brother very very much and I tell him I still love him even if he is gay. But it feels really weird to know your brother is gay and there’s nothing you can do. And then your religion condemns the people you love. I don’t know what to think. I can’t really tell him not to be gay because then he’ll think I don’t love him or don’t understand him. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want him to have a bad life. I’ve heard so many stories about gay men getting AIDS, STDS, and all the emotional problems.
I don’t know what kind of help I’m looking for, I just am wondering if anyone else has experienced similar circumstances. Perhaps if it’s not too much trouble for you, maybe you could include my family in your prayers, because frankly, I don’t know what else there is to be done.

 

[Scottgun]

I really haven’t had anyone to talk to about things that are going on in my family life. Umm, well, to begin with my parents have wanted a divorce for about five years now and they can’t stand to be around one another and are always saying bad things about the other to me. I have a really hard time dealing with it as I love them both and don’t want to be involved. Any advice on what to do would be great. I am currently seeing a counselor about this and we’ve talked about a few things, so this isn’t really the biggest issue for me.
I’ve also just learned that my younger brother is gay, he’s only 15 and I really don’t know what to think. I used to think it didn’t matter if people were gay, as long as they weren’t promiscuous. However I’ve seen the teasing and stuff he gets for acting “girly”. I love my brother very very much and I tell him I still love him even if he is gay. But it feels really weird to know your brother is gay and there’s nothing you can do. And then your religion condemns the people you love. I don’t know what to think. I can’t really tell him not to be gay because then he’ll think I don’t love him or don’t understand him. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want him to have a bad life. I’ve heard so many stories about gay men getting AIDS, STDS, and all the emotional problems.
I don’t know what kind of help I’m looking for, I just am wondering if anyone else has experienced similar circumstances. Perhaps if it’s not too much trouble for you, maybe you could include my family in your prayers, because frankly, I don’t know what else there is to be done.

I will certainly pray for you. And you are right in that there is not much you can do other than tell people the truth. Pardon me, but I must address this part here:

And then your religion condemns the people you love.

The Church does not condemn you brother simply for being attracted to the same sex. It does condemn the act however. No matter how gay he thinks he is, there is absolutely nothing forcing him to (and sorry for the bluntness) unzip his pants and anally violate, or be anally violated by, another man. This is a free choice he makes, and choices are either right or wrong. Tell him charitably what the right choice is and pray that he makes it.

 

[LSK]

I want to assure you that you are not going through this tough time alone. Many people on this forum and in the Catholic Church deal with the issues you described in their own families.

It is important for you to know that the Church does not condemn someone for suffering from same-sex attraction. What it condemns is homosexual sexual activity. Once someone has declared themselves to be ‘gay’ the important thing to remember is that there is a good chance they are buying into the same lies about the behavior that many women bought into during the 60’s - sex, any kind of sex, feels good therefore it must BE good and putting parameters around the behavior (hetersexual sex only, only within marriage, etc) is somehow restrictive, exclusive, unnatural and bad. If, however, your brother is thinking he is a homosexual because he is a gentle and ‘effeminate male’ who suffers from same-sex attraction so now he MUST have sex with men in order to declare his independence, you are right to worry about his physical safety and the safety of his immortal soul.

I am so sorry that your parents are behaving selfishly by putting you in the middle of their fighting and divorce. That is not fair. However, I will tell you right now that you have a choice in how you are going to handle this situation. You can, lovingly, remind them each time they start to rag about the other one that they are talking about your mother or father, that it hurts you tremendously when they do that and that you have decided to no longer participate in those type of conversations. Ask your therapist to help you come up with a great standard line to use, over and over again. Adults can be dumb as a box of hair when it comes to how much they are hurting their children.

You are not alone, my darling…hang in there. Prayers are definitely wafting heavenward for you.