Do all husbands say this?

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Simca

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Instead of saying ‘‘would you like to go out to dinner’’ or ‘‘let’s go out to dinner’’

They say ‘‘I’ll take you to dinner’’ … and you’re not having a bad day or anything

Is it because they think they’re doing you a favor? That they don’t really want to go?

What do both men and women think?

sounds silly, but THANKS !
 
I think it’s just a choice in wording, unless there’s something else weird going on with his behavior.* In similar circumstances, I would say that “I’ll take you to dinner” is the same as “Let’s go to dinner.” It’s expressing a preference, but it can also be, “I would like to do this for you,” “I am doing this as a sign of love to you,” etc. Those are not bad things for a husband to do!

Personally, if my husband said that to me, I would interpret it as, “We’re going out, and I’m giving you/us a break from not only cooking and cleaning up, but I’ll take a turn doing the decision making too.” For me, that would be a treat, because I usually decide that stuff. (I already told him that what I want for my birthday next month is to a) not cook or bake my own cake and b) not plan the day’s activities. To me, that makes my birthday a “day off” and I’m looking forward to it.)

*The weird behavior stuff I can think of would be: if he’s typically condescending, ignores likes/dislikes of his wife, is kind of full of himself, etc. I don’t usually subscribe to the whole idea that subtle differences in language have these huge psychological implications, but manipulative people probably do pick their words pretty carefully, if they’re any good at manipulation.
 
Simca said:
Instead of saying ‘‘would you like to go out to dinner’’ or ‘‘let’s go out to dinner’’

They say ‘‘I’ll take you to dinner’’ … and you’re not having a bad day or anything

Is it because they think they’re doing you a favor? That they don’t really want to go?

What do both men and women think?

sounds silly, but THANKS !
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I think, as a male, that this level of verbal analysis is seriously over-thinking things. If a husband’s offer “I’ll take you to dinner” (vs. the “collegial” “let’s go out” ) is seem as domineering, patriarchal, or evidence of male dominance, I think we’re in trouble. Maybe the poor guy is just offering to pay from his own pocket instead of the joint credit card? I really think there are bigger relationship fish to fry.
 
Upon reading your post, it caused me to reflect and consider exactly what I say to my wife. I am sure that sometimes over the course of almost 25 years, I have probably used the wording, “I’ll take you to dinner.” I know for me, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to go. I also don’t believe I’m doing my wife a particular favor. It is just a language choice for me. I would not be quick to offer going to dinner if I didn’t actually want to go. When we were first married, I would “force” myself to do things I have no interest in (basket bingo ONCE comes to mind). It didn’t serve either of our interests in that example. She tired of trying to entertain me, and I wasn’t very good company. So, over the years we’ve found what works and what does not work. Basket bingo…OUT…dinner…we’ll go so long as we both agree to it and wish to go to dinner, knowing we will be good company for each other. Even if I express my desire to go to dinner in the manner you have described. I think it helps us, also, that how I choose to express the desire to go to dinner, in its larger context. She knows from years of experience, that I love her completely and totally. My actions toward her have told her that I don’t see myself simply as her caretaker, and decider-in-chief as to our nightly plans. If I misspeak, or say something in an inarticulate way, from time to time, she is able to see the bigger picture. In our marriage, we have found actions really do speak louder than words. I’m not trying to imply that words don’t matter because they do. I try and be respectful and considerate. In all these years, there have been times when I’ve forgotten to be as respectful and considerate as God calls me to be. In those times, I have sought forgiveness from my wife and from God through the sacrament of reconciliation. But, as her husband, when I’m at my best, and love her as Jesus Christ loved His church, it makes those small missteps on my part matter less. I hope this answers your question without rambling too far into the nonsensical forest.
 
"There’s nothing in the refrigerator, would you like to go out for dinner, tonight?
 
Simca said:
Is it because they think they’re doing you a favor?
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Quite possibly. I’ve said things like “Let me take you to dinner” when I think she needed it, or as a way to express love.

If you don’t want to go, ask him whether he wants to go, or if he’s offering for your sake. If the latter, thank him. 🙂
 
Simca said:
Instead of saying ‘‘would you like to go out to dinner’’ or ‘‘let’s go out to dinner’’

They say ‘‘I’ll take you to dinner’’ … and you’re not having a bad day or anything

Is it because they think they’re doing you a favor? That they don’t really want to go?

What do both men and women think?

sounds silly, but THANKS !
Click to expand...
Depends on the nature of the relationship. When I say something like that it isn’t for the reasons you state. I think it is part of the male-female dynamic for some of us, imo. Instead of asking a question I know the answer is likely going to be “yes” I’ll use a statement.

For example “oh, by the way we are going for a scenic drive tomorrow.” because I know she will say yes and I already know that she is free at that time. If I’m unsure of either I’ll phrase it as a request instead of a statement.

And no, it isn’t about being controlling but simply cutting to the chase.
 
i love my wife, but i hate going out to dinner. i always offer to pick up take out on the way home from work. i’m just too tired to get dressed up and compete for a table in a crowded restaurant. and the prices are outrageous these days. her is how i phrase it, ‘would you like me to pick up dinner on the way home tonight’? she loves to cook and almost always says no.
she would prefer to dine out though, i think there is something romantic about it for her.
 
bisco said:
i love my wife, but i hate going out to dinner. i always offer to pick up take out on the way home from work. i’m just too tired to get dressed up and compete for a table in a crowded restaurant. and the prices are outrageous these days. her is how i phrase it, ‘would you like me to pick up dinner on the way home tonight’? she loves to cook and almost always says no.
she would prefer to dine out though, i think there is something romantic about it for her.
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We don’t have to get dressed up to go to a neighborhood restaurant.
 
My husband does and I like it. We have completely joint finances, so it has nothing to do with money. And he really loves going out to dinner.

I think he says that he’ll take me to a movie or out to dinner as a way of saying that he loves me and he wants have that same dynamic we had when we were dating. 🤷 We’re both pretty traditional within our own marriage.

He’s a great guy and I really take that kind of wording as a compliment. He wants to do something nice and treat me like a lady. Why argue?😃
 
When my husband would say this, I took it as him wanting to do something nice for me. Sometimes he’d say “let’s go out for dinner” which was also nice, but had less of a ring of thinking primarily about doing something nice for me.

It was a case of the underlying primary thought. Either was nice, but the first showed more that he was thinking of me.

yes, the money still came out of the same budget, but that did not take away from the fact that he was doing something nice for me.

Birthday gifts, candy etc also came from the same budget, but they were still actual gestures of love and caring when we would exchange them. It didn’t take away from that.

It wasn’t necessary for him to get an extra part time job and use those funds to prove that he was doing something special for me.

Admittantly there were times when “going out” felt like one more thing to do at the end of the busy day and I requested we order in instead.
 
If my husband said this to me, I would just go and get my coat! I must admit that I wouldn’t be too concerned how he communicated to me that he wanted us to go out to dinner, since it would mean that I would not have to cook it.
 
I see it as a “throwback” to the pre-marriage days. Saying “I’ll take you to dinner” is like the pre-wedding days when each had their own bank account.

It’s like going on a date, something different from day to day marriage.

Saying “let’s go out to eat” is more like its part of the “day to day” marriage.

Neither one is bad, but subconsciously might be part of the word choice. Saying “I will take you to dinner” may mean he sees it more as a date than simply eating dinner.
 
As a male, it is a little daunting to know the extent to which my words are analyzed. But having said that, I would not say I would take my wife to dinner because I really don’t think of it in those terms. We go together. So, I would be apt to say “Let’s go here” or let’s do this or that."
 
When my husband says those words instead of of you want to go out it means that he knows that I would like that for whatever reason. I think it is a language of love and consideration.
 
Well why don’t you just ask him what he means by the statement? It could be that he just wants to treat you and isn’t selecting the right words.
 
Simca said:
Instead of saying ‘‘would you like to go out to dinner’’ or ‘‘let’s go out to dinner’’

They say ‘‘I’ll take you to dinner’’ … and you’re not having a bad day or anything

Is it because they think they’re doing you a favor? That they don’t really want to go?

What do both men and women think?

sounds silly, but THANKS !
Click to expand...
It does sound silly. If I want to go to dinner with my wife and I ask her, and she wonders about the wording, then we would have bigger things to discuss than what restaurant we are going to.

Honestly, I am so blessed to be married to someone who is not reading into every way I word things.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
It does sound silly. If I want to go to dinner with my wife and I ask her, and she wonders about the wording, then we would have bigger things to discuss than what restaurant we are going to.

Honestly, I am so blessed to be married to someone who is not reading into every way I word things.
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Are you totally sure your wife is a human female?
 
Regardless of how I word it, I’m trying to do something nice for my wife.

I would not want to be judged harshly as if I had some evil ulterior motives.
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
It does sound silly. If I want to go to dinner with my wife and I ask her, and she wonders about the wording, then we would have bigger things to discuss than what restaurant we are going to.

Honestly, I am so blessed to be married to someone who is not reading into every way I word things.
Click to expand...
👍
 
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