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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
Last time I checked…
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Cat
Guest
You are definitely over-analyzing your husband.
I’m a 57-year-old woman who has been married for 35 years, and I’m going to give you some advice, woman-to-woman: stop doing this.
Do NOT get into the habit of analyzing everything your husband says and does, and ascribing all kinds of motives to his words and actions and making assumptions about him.
Just accept him as he is and enjoy every moment that God gives you with him. Have fun and be friends with him.
If he does or says something you don’t like, just let it be. Unless it is painful to you, or violent, or degrading (truly degrading, not just a phrase that he uses that makes you “feel” degraded)–then just learn to ignore it. Many marriages begin to unravel because a spouse habitually does some silly little thing (e.g., cracking their knuckles) that irritates their spouse and then it grows and becomes a huge fight and then all kinds of other accusations are hurled, and the whole thing eventually blows up and leaves the marriage in shambles.
Don’t do this. Be kind, forgiving, tender-hearted, reasonable, charitable.
I’ll be blunt with you: If you do not follow my advice, it’s very likely that you will eventually drive your husband away from you.
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Sophie_Lawrence
Guest
I’m a wife, stay at home mom. If my husband calls and says, “I’ll take you to dinner” or “Would you like to go to dinner?” or “Let’s go to dinner” The only thing I would think of is, “Yay Dinner! that I don’t have to cook!”
I’ve been married 17 years. It’s not worth nit picking phrases that are not meant to be insulting. Go eat, and enjoy yourself.
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Simca
Guest
Thanks for everyone’s comments.
Really, I’m happily married to my soul-mate of almost 35 years.
One time when he said ‘‘I’ll take you to dinner’’ I asked him if he’d be eating too, and we had a good laugh. But I was just wondering if anyone else says this too, because he’s always said this. He’s just a good guy for the most part, and I don’t really over-analyze his every word and didn’t mean to convey that.
He’s my one and only, and forever.
Really, I’m happily married to my soul-mate of almost 35 years.
One time when he said ‘‘I’ll take you to dinner’’ I asked him if he’d be eating too, and we had a good laugh. But I was just wondering if anyone else says this too, because he’s always said this. He’s just a good guy for the most part, and I don’t really over-analyze his every word and didn’t mean to convey that.
He’s my one and only, and forever.
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NotAllHere
Guest
I have never said anything like that. I grew up in a family who rarely ate out.
I let her decide when to go out to dinner — she often has a better idea what our budget is than I do.
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Hoosier_Daddy
Guest
My wife and I went out on a long over due date night last night. We went to the movies. She asked if we had time for dinner. This is one of the first times we have left the kids with a non- relative for any length of time (we have 4 and one on the way) So I was uncomfortable with dinner and a movie. So I said probably no on dinner. After the movie was over we ended up having time to go to dinner at a nice Italian place on our way home. When we were at dinner we discussed this thread. And laughed. Then when we got into the car to go home. I jokingly said “well, you got your dinner after all” And then we laughed and laughed some more. Not because we were making fun of the thread or the OP, but because of our shorthand we have developed over the years and have become quite comfortable with. Our marriage is a well oiled machine and we are always on each other’s team. Even if we don’t like the playcall being barked out at the line of scrimmage.
I would like to be able to afford to go out for dinner with my wife, also we have never had a day, evening or night off from our children in three and a half years so I guess we will wait another 15.
Maybe it is just the way he says it and doesn’t mean anything bad by it.
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LongingSoul
Guest
35 years is a marvelous achievement BTW!
You should do an experiment and one evening say to him ‘Cmon, I’ll take you to dinner’. It’s probably just something that his father said to his mother under the old regime of men and women but doesn’t mean the same thing to him now.
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Anglewannabe
Guest
I think it depends on context. When I first read your post, what came to mind is when a man opens a door, he is NOT saying ‘you are not strong enough to open a door’, he IS saying ‘I think you are worth respecting.’
I can’t help but think it is the way some man like to show chivalry. But I do admit, there are times as a woman it can come across as a bit weird.
I can’t help but think it is the way some man like to show chivalry. But I do admit, there are times as a woman it can come across as a bit weird.
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JSSD
Guest
I don’t think I’ve ever phrased it like that to my wife (11 years), or vice versa. I think we’d both be thrilled to hear it. Not because we don’t “date” often enough, but more often the conversation is as follows:
“What do you want?”
“I don’t know. What do you want?”
“I don’t know.”
And then we easily spend 20 minutes trying to figure out what to eat.
“What do you want?”
“I don’t know. What do you want?”
“I don’t know.”
And then we easily spend 20 minutes trying to figure out what to eat.
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Ms_Manners
Guest
I’ll say.
We’re not from an English-speaking country, so my husband usually says “Are we going to dinner?” since in our language it would be a suggestion or an invitation.
“I’m taking you” version also exists, only it puts more emphasis on the fact that you will not have to participate in the cost. In a relationship it would be sort of a romantic gesture.
To illustrate, husband/wife situation aside, if we were talking about movies with friends, in the first example you’d expect everyone to pay for themselves, you’re just suggesting something fun, and in the second the person issuing the invitation would be paying for everyone.
The problem some women I know usually have with the “I’m taking you” wording is that it implies an old-fashioned order in which the man takes the lead. If the wife is unemployed or a housewife, it would point out the fact that the man makes the money and supports her.
Men I know rarely think about it that much, they are feeling romantic or just want to eat out.
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LongingSoul
Guest
Yes, it could come across as a subtle power play in the subconscious. I know that my husband will often say things like “I’ll put the air conditioning on for you”. That means that he wants the aircon on himself but wants me to feel that I’m incurring the cost. Perhaps it is Gods way of teaching me a lesson in humility because I do take pride in being frugal and doing without things to save money. It irritates me but I usually let it go.
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Ms_Manners
Guest
What would he do if you thanked him, but said that it wasn’t necessary?
Why does he feel the need to make it seem like he is doing you a favour?
My husband will say similar things, but he means to say that he will take care of it and I don’t have to. I am home and logically do more around the house. He works, but still sometimes he feels bad about leaving things up to me, so he likes to give me a break from chores.
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LongingSoul
Guest
Oh I often will say “I’m only going to be in and out of here so I’m not bothered” but he will still put it on for himself anyway. It’s a way of wording things that pricks an irritation in me but I’ve learnt to let it go just as quickly as it arises.
My guess is it is a subconscious thing. When we met I had been living an independent life in a city 7 hours drive from my family home, for 7 years since I was 17, had spent 6 months in Europe when I was 19, was totally taking care of myself. He still lived at home and was looked after by his Italian mother. I think of it as his way of establishing a heirarchy in the old way of things. I don’t know really.
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shainski
Guest
Why don’t you just say it to him sometime?
If you are in a household where your finances are combined, it won’t make any difference who signs the credit card slip.
If my wife said to me “I’ll take you to dinner.” - I would just say “where are we going?”
If you are in a household where your finances are combined, it won’t make any difference who signs the credit card slip.
If my wife said to me “I’ll take you to dinner.” - I would just say “where are we going?”
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