Do all men lose control over seeing "desirable" women?

[erine]

How sad that you think this way about men.

I have a wonderful husband. He is the world’s kindest, most generous, most patient, understanding, funniest man that has ever existed (and he looks darn good too!). Not once has he ever made me feel like anything less than the most important woman in the world to him. Of course he sees beautiful women all the time. I see handsome men all the time too. Not only are these people physically attractive but often times they are smart, funny, successful, and kind too. But it doesn’t matter because we are devoted to each other.

I’m sure women catch his eye as they walk past, but I’ve never caught him checking someone else out. Either he’s the sneakiest man in the world or just extraordinary wonderful, because his eye doesn’t even flinch off of me (even when she’s pretty enough that even I turn and look). And he would be appalled at the idea of flirting with another woman, no matter how attractive she is. I give him the same respect.

Interestingly, my male friends and relatives are the same way. I don’t think that I could be friends with someone that shallow and superficial as to hurt their partner’s feelings like that or even leave them for someone more attractive!

I know that truly good people are hard to find, but I can’t imagine that I have the only one in the world. Keep looking and never settle for someone who makes you feel like they would rather be with the sexy little thing that just walked in the door than with you.

I’m glad you have a happy marriage but the patronizing “how sad” line is rather insulting. I don’t hate men I don’t feel anything I observed things that happened to me. The title was mostly to get attention so people would respond. Really I want very badly to be with a man and I fall deeply in love with them which is why I get hurt. I grew up in a very abnormal setting so I simply wanted to gauge if I was overreacting or needed to raise my standards.

 

[erine]

:console:

If you don’t mind getting support from a borderline feminist… I used to not believe in love. But I think it exists! I’ve met lots of kind, considerate, and ultimately loyal people of both genders, and I can’t help bit think the same things can be true of romantic partners.

It’s hard to see it when you’ve been conditioned against it, and it must be very hard when your friends have left you. But your guy friends don’t represent all guys, and there are lots of people out there who won’t leave their friends behind. If guys didn’t have some control over the decisions they made regarding women, you wouldn’t see those decisions labelled sins. That means that there definitely are men who are willing to control themselves.

I pray that things start going better for you. Until then… It may sound cheesy, but Jesus is one man who won’t ever leave you. :nun2:

Thank you

 

[OurLadyPray4US]

And he definitely wouldn’t play us off each other.

In my experience, women can be really full of drama, competition and intrigue even in the absence of a man to compete over. You can have a class of 35 men who will get along just fine (that was my experience in high school - 35 boys and 1 girl), whereas once you put together several women, they will fight and create a really hostile atmosphere for each other. I was the only man in a class of 20 at the uni, and some (not all) of these 19 women had rivalries and a lot of drama going on all the time.

I have similar experience with partying. If you have a party with less women and more men, you will have a nice evening and everybody will feel alright and in a good mood. But a party with an opposite balance, more women than men, tends to be less successful. The women will be in a sour mood and they will spoil the evening. For whatever reason, women just can’t handle each other and can’t get along as nicely and peacefully as men do - at least in my personal experience.

Many of the power plays between women start already with the way they dress - they dress overly sexual, immodest and indecent, to grab attention.

Regarding jerks who would play mind games on women - yes, I’ve met a few of them. There was one who made a bet that he could hook up with 7 women and date 7 women simultaneously. Later on at university he would brag about his sexual conquests, giving graphic descriptions to his buddies about the women he “conquered”.

So, yes, you need to watch out to only date decent men who will respect you. And you need to make sure you don’t attract the wrong kind of men by dressing immodestly and you should avoid getting caught up in senseless rivalries with other women. There are decent men out there who are looking for a decent woman. If you come across as a good, solid, modest and peaceful woman, these men will notice you.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I’m glad you have a happy marriage but the patronizing “how sad” line is rather insulting. I don’t hate men I don’t feel anything I observed things that happened to me. The title was mostly to get attention so people would respond. Really I want very badly to be with a man and I fall deeply in love with them which is why I get hurt. I grew up in a very abnormal setting so I simply wanted to gauge if I was overreacting or needed to raise my standards.

It wasn’t meant to be patronizing. It is actually very sad that for whatever reason you feel like you need to post this question. I’m not belittling your experiences or telling you that your apprehensions are silly. But there are somany wonderful men out there and its a shame that you haven’t met many yet.

 

[bsroufek]

Do you really believe this nonsense that “all men” “lose control” when seeing a desirable woman?

That would make marriage impossible, which would make God a liar or an unrealistic tyrant to sacramentalize marriage.

We are all and each responsible for our actions, otherwise sin wouldn’t be an offense to God and how could God judge us?

Don’t believe everything you read/hear as supposedly scientific or discovered by a study.

Indeed, some men are “slave to sin”, as Jesus said, but don’t believe “all men” are.

Also, even Scripture describes some women as “beautiful woman” or “very beautiful woman”; how could the holy writers know this unless they looked? There’s a difference between looking and lusting.

 

[Joy2day]

Do you really believe this nonsense that “all men” “lose control” when seeing a desirable woman?

That would make marriage impossible, which would make God a liar or an unrealistic tyrant to sacramentalize marriage.

We are all and each responsible for our actions, otherwise sin wouldn’t be an offense to God and how could God judge us?

Don’t believe everything you read/hear as supposedly scientific or discovered by a study.

Indeed, some men are “slave to sin”, as Jesus said, but don’t believe “all men” are.

Also, even Scripture describes some women as “beautiful woman” or “very beautiful woman”; how could the holy writers know this unless they looked? There’s a difference between looking and lusting.

 

[Joy2day]

1. You want a man who loves God more than he loves you.
2. You want a man who loves you more than he loves any other human.
3. His love will be proved by what of himself he gives to God and what of himself he gives to you.

Make no substitutions or changes to this recipe.

excellent.

OP - please note, if a man ‘drops’ you cause of some ‘hot’ skirt - he doesn’t love you!! So then he can just watch you - walkin’ out that door, sister! Once a ‘good girl gone bad - she ain’t never comin’ back’.

 

[Euwe]

So am I living in a fantasy world to want to marry a guy who has self control even when beautiful supermodel flirty women enter the room or even flirt with him? I don’t mean a man who doesn’t notice or admire beauty, but I mean so many men I know seem really immature in that they suddenly fall in love and respect a woman they don’t even know just because of appearance. Then they lose interest in the one they are with. I’ve been on both ends of the situation countless times and it’s always frustrating. To me it seems like it’s immature guys that make feminine beauty into a goddess. After a certain age I would hope men admire and appreciate a beautiful woman, but not become her instant slave and act like their wife/gf never existed.

To my imagining, a man that is in control of himself might notice her, admire the beauty sure but if he is with me as his gf/wife I would still be treated as the woman in his life and he would be strong enough not to completely forget about me for a minute because of a hot girl. It wouldn’t be a deception but our bond and inner attraction would be deeper than any fleeting beauty. It would all be like some private joke and I wouldn’t get insecure because I wouldn’t have to doubt our attraction and love. And he definitely wouldn’t play us off each other.

I ask because with one exception (a guy I can never be with now) most of my guy friends or guys I dated do not seem to have this self control, and they are well past teenage years when it might have been cute. I feel strongly called to marriage and not celibacy and I’m really concerned. I was abused as a child and told I was uglier than all the other girls and no one would ever love me. I’m not ugly but I have trouble getting out of myself and to me if a guy forgets me for a bit because of some hot girl I feel like I’m just a replaceable object of no value. I go into a really bad place emotionally and lose all trust. I find it difficult to believe he loves me after that and I get panicky.

The thing is everyone around me seems to think guys are just like that and you can’t hold onto them and so forth. But I have seen marriages where the husband isn’t like that, and even if the world’s hottest most sexiest feminine charming catholic philanthropist supermodel walked in he would only have eyes for his woman.

Am I just too possessive? Please enlighten me as to what is normal. I need to know if I have to change or just find better guys. I hate the age we live in because I want a traditional marriage and family so badly and I live in the worst time and place in terms of odds for that, what with gender roles, naked women on billboards, divorce, etc.

It sounds to me that the men that you’re referring to aren’t mature either in age or in outlook, or possibly both.

I’m a happily married man in my 40’s. My wife is a very very good looking woman.
Women half her age comment on her beauty.
I am regularly told, by other men and by other women, how lucky I am to have her as my wife. I know that I am very lucky in that regard.

It is perfectly normal for a man to appreciate the physical appearance of a beautiful woman.
If a man is single, he should by all means act on that feeling of being attracted to that woman.
But if a man isn’t single, he should not act on that attraction.
If he cannot do this - he should be honest enough to admit his fault.

 

[Joy2day]

Helping you out.

youtube.com/watch?v=S8zo5szZ1Qo

 

[joshvanrad]

For the sake of brevity: No.

 

[bmaj]

So am I living in a fantasy world to want to marry a guy who has self control even when beautiful supermodel flirty women enter the room or even flirt with him? I don’t mean a man who doesn’t notice or admire beauty, but I mean so many men I know seem really immature in that they suddenly fall in love and respect a woman they don’t even know just because of appearance. Then they lose interest in the one they are with. I’ve been on both ends of the situation countless times and it’s always frustrating. To me it seems like it’s immature guys that make feminine beauty into a goddess. After a certain age I would hope men admire and appreciate a beautiful woman, but not become her instant slave and act like their wife/gf never existed.

To my imagining, a man that is in control of himself might notice her, admire the beauty sure but if he is with me as his gf/wife I would still be treated as the woman in his life and he would be strong enough not to completely forget about me for a minute because of a hot girl. It wouldn’t be a deception but our bond and inner attraction would be deeper than any fleeting beauty. It would all be like some private joke and I wouldn’t get insecure because I wouldn’t have to doubt our attraction and love. And he definitely wouldn’t play us off each other.

I ask because with one exception (a guy I can never be with now) most of my guy friends or guys I dated do not seem to have this self control, and they are well past teenage years when it might have been cute. I feel strongly called to marriage and not celibacy and I’m really concerned. I was abused as a child and told I was uglier than all the other girls and no one would ever love me. I’m not ugly but I have trouble getting out of myself and to me if a guy forgets me for a bit because of some hot girl I feel like I’m just a replaceable object of no value. I go into a really bad place emotionally and lose all trust. I find it difficult to believe he loves me after that and I get panicky.

The thing is everyone around me seems to think guys are just like that and you can’t hold onto them and so forth. But I have seen marriages where the husband isn’t like that, and even if the world’s hottest most sexiest feminine charming catholic philanthropist supermodel walked in he would only have eyes for his woman.

Am I just too possessive? Please enlighten me as to what is normal. I need to know if I have to change or just find better guys. I hate the age we live in because I want a traditional marriage and family so badly and I live in the worst time and place in terms of odds for that, what with gender roles, naked women on billboards, divorce, etc.

No, you’re not too possessive! That is coming from someone with a long, traditional marriage and family. Unfortunately even that doesn’t ever guarantee that the husband’s eyes won’t stray toward other women. Sad to say, but my husband’s eyes definitely do stray, and sometimes they get so fixated on the other women that he’ll keep staring in their direction until they’re out of sight, even when I’m sitting or walking next to him. And if, God forbid, I should mention it, a horrible argument ensues with him denying even looking and accusing me of nagging him and being “ridiculous.” I don’t remember him ever doing that while we were dating, though. Wish I’d paid more attention to see if he did.
Keep looking in all the right places for good men who will treat you well, and then take it step by step to get to know them (and see if they stare at other women in your presence!). The ones like you have sadly encountered aren’t even worth a second thought on your part. You deserve much, much better. Prayers heading your way. Meanwhile, enjoy the search as much as you can, and don’t give up!