Do American catholics just simply give up on gay friends?

[wilson124]

This is impossible for me to believe. Here you are discussing it with people.

And can we drop the “homophobic” label for those who may just think it is wrong.

It feels different when you discuss it with strangers than discussing with people you met in person. “Homophobic” doesn’t pertain just to actions but also feelings.

Chick-fill-a that protested against gay marriage is probably not homophobic but people who drop you just for admitting being gay most likely are.

 

[wilson124]

I am sorry that they have marginalized you and acted so contrary to the teachings of Christ.

Prayers for you to find real friends who understand the kind of unconditional love that the Blessed Trinity has for each and every one of us.

I am ok. Thanks

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

but people who drop you just for admitting being gay most likely are.

You continue to assume that about these friends, and it may possibly be true. But it could very well also be true that they just do not like you and you got a little dramatic and clingy. It kind of sounds that way to me.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

I have a cousin who was close like a brother to me. He is gay. Now before I was Catholic, and before I took my faith and life seriously, we hung out all the time. And he was unbelievably fun. He was funny, he lived like a rock star and he threw unbelievable parties. Real “Wolf of Wall Street” type stuff.

We don’t really speak now. And what would be talk about? How our lives are completely different? How I am a faithful Catholic with a wife and four, soon to be five, kids that homeschools and he is dating a “boy” half his age?

So what exactly do you see happening in the future with supposed strait friends? When you first posted you criticized how they live their faith (or don’t live their faith) Which is pretty common in college. But if they truly lived their faith, if they really did, how would that look if you are making your sexual orientation an issue? Would you expect them to have conversations with you trying to offer advice on how to stay chaste? Would you in turn give them advice on how to remain chaste? Would you nurture each other to become more holy? Or would you each expect the other to have to support whatever you are in to. Because true friends, real Christians, help each other to become more holy, not think less of someone because they have SSA or are struggling in their faith. As much as you want to point the finger at the “other” you might want to look at how you judge them as well. And you might want to explore why some might be turned off not necessarily by your homosexual inclinations, but rather by the way you choose to express them.

 

[wilson124]

You continue to assume that about these friends, and it may possibly be true. But it could very well also be true that they just do not like you and you got a little dramatic and clingy. It kind of sounds that way to me.

It sounds like first because before I admitted they were more likely to respond regardless of how far they wanted to distance themselves.

 

[wilson124]

Would you expect them to have conversations with you …

Talk about politics, such as why they think Mitt Romney was better choice than Obama. Or why he would never vote Democrat even though he previously admitted he is “biased Republican”. How he likes his job. How he likes place where he lives now, etc. I was not friends with them in the beginning because we talked about sex or sexual orientation. Etc.

Also I was little nervous when I was in college, it seemed to me they were spreading rumors to their friends when I had classes with them. Their friends started to act weird even before I raised my concern about them to them.

A first good sign was when acquaintances not associated with them accepted my friend request on Facebook, but those associated with them did not accept. And I know it was not because they did not know me. Something felt not right.

I even talked to my lawyer about it and he said that might had been civil case for libel/defamation of character lawsuit but if I won anything at all it would likely end up in peanuts.

Anyway what they did I do not think was Catholic despite the university I went to was private Catholic.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Talk about politics, such as why they think Mitt Romney was better choice than Obama. Or why he would never vote Democrat even though he previously admitted he is “biased Republican”. How he likes his job. How he likes place where he lives now, etc. I was not friends with them in the beginning because we talked about sex or sexual orientation. Etc.

Also I was little nervous when I was in college, it seemed to me they were spreading rumors to their friends when I had classes with them. Their friends started to act weird even before I raised my concern about them to them.

A first good sign was when acquaintances not associated with them accepted my friend request on Facebook, but those associated with them did not accept. And I know it was not because they did not know me. Something felt not right.

I even talked to my lawyer about it and he said that might had been civil case for libel/defamation of character lawsuit but if I won anything at all it would likely end up in peanuts.

Anyway what they did I do not think was Catholic despite the university I went to was private Catholic.

And this is where I am confused. Are you a citizen? Because you said you would only vote democratic because of these friends? It sounds to me like you wish to engage in volitle subjects which lends itself to my first inclination which is that you like drama.

You wish to discuss politics with people and bring your sexuality into the discussion. Then you use a weapon (your vote) to “get them back” For their opinions. My friend, you have more issues than your issue with these friends. You need to make peace with yourself before you can even entertain hope of healthy friendships. This sounds like typical superficial childish stuff that is common amount youth that are trying to figure life out.

My advice, be Holy, Forgive, and move on.

 

[wilson124]

And this is where I am confused. Are you a citizen? Because you said you would only vote democratic because of these friends? It sounds to me like you wish to engage in volitle subjects which lends itself to my first inclination which is that you like drama.

You wish to discuss politics with people and bring your sexuality into the discussion. Then you use a weapon (your vote) to “get them back” For their opinions. My friend, you have more issues than your issue with these friends. You need to make peace with yourself before you can even entertain hope of healthy friendships. This sounds like typical superficial childish stuff that is common amount youth that are trying to figure life out.

My advice, be Holy, Forgive, and move on.

Theyre not my friends anymore! Also where did I mention I bargained with my vote? I did not say that.

 

[seaton2005]

I am Polish born recent immigrant and grew up in Poland as Catholic. In college, I met guy who I spent a lot of time with and thought were gonna be best friends (well maybe not 1st but somewhere in top 10). I visited him dorm apartment where he also lived with his roomate and I used to spend a lot of time with both. We talked about a lot of different topics. Both of them grew up here in Illinois, but one of them has parent that came here from Italy.

But somehow every-time I went to church on college campus on Sunday, I never saw them practicing. Yet on Facebook status they claimed to be Christian, Catholic. Soon after long summer break, when i tried to catch up with them in fall the problems started there. One of them was actually willing to stay in touch but his friend/roommate wasn’t. When confronted he always gave me excuse, ah he doesn’t have time, etc etc. When I tried to argue why he treats me like he did not have reasonable explanation.

It did not help when I was for some time lonely and did not have many other friends. Somehow I still cared about them. So when I wrote an angry letter to him in which I admitted I am gay and I thought that was the reason he excluded me, his first reaction called me back and lets talk about it with compassionate tone. But later soon he just changed his mind and told me to leave him alone. He did not want to talk. I never really hit on him or his friends but neither talked a lot about girls. I dunno maybe in guys especially straight guys circle this is mandatory to talk about girls. But I neither wanted to join any gay circle. Also prior to break up, I leaned toward more conservative political spectrum (and they were conservative) but after our relationship ended for good I started to vote Democrat.

Absolutely not! Who cares if they are gay or straight? Does it really matter?

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Also prior to break up, I leaned toward more conservative political spectrum (and they were conservative) but after our relationship ended for good I started to vote Democrat.

So, you are a recent immigrant who obviously gained citizenship right? You say that after your relationship ended you started to vote democratic. Why? Was it the gay rights agenda? The abortion agenda?

But you are the one who linked it to your friends, not me. I am just going by what you say and a lot of it does not stand up to the probable truth.

And this is two year old politics we are hashing out here. If I had a friend who was hounding me about MItt Romney 2 years ago I probably would cut contact too.

Are you aware of the current political climate?

 

[LatinByzCath]

In American culture, “gay” can mean different things to different people. To some, saying you’re “gay” is like saying “I’m in sexually active relationships with men.” To others, it merely means you like men and not women. Depending on how a friend understands “gayness” dictates how they will react.

I would never abandon a friend, however I have had to stop friendships because my friend was doing something harmful to themselves without wanting to stop, and since they weren’t reachable, I had to cut them off, so they did not drag me down with them. I am speaking about friends who abuse drugs and alcohol, are promiscuous, etc.

As a Catholic with same sex attraction, it’s your vocation to be celibate, if you want to remain in communion with the Church and such. If you tell people you’re “gay”, you might have to explain to them that you are not in active relationships and that you are celibate for your faith.

I keep my sexual preferences to myself, to avoid this type of thing. As much as our culture may tell you otherwise, it’s okay to keep personal information (like the gender you want to have sex with) to yourself.

 

[pnewton]

I even talked to my lawyer about it and he said that might had been civil case for libel/defamation of character lawsuit but if I won anything at all it would likely end up in peanuts.
.

You talked to a lawyer about suing people based on Facebook friendship? Maybe that reveals more to this story than just you being gay. The problem may not be “everybody but you.”

 

[wilson124]

You talked to a lawyer about suing people based on Facebook friendship? Maybe that reveals more to this story than just you being gay. The problem may not be “everybody but you.”

LOL. Those friendships started before Facebook and I thought about suing based on spreading unfavorable rumors about me.

I am pretty sure you would be pissed off too if your selection of a classmate lab partner in school was limited because somebody who did not like you did not keep their mouth shut.

And on other side, people who would rather sue you, use force or dominate than talk to you through don’t deserve better than same courtesy.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

LOL. Those friendships started before Facebook and I thought about suing based on spreading unfavorable rumors about me.

I am pretty sure you would be pissed off too if your selection of a classmate lab partner in school was limited because somebody who did not like you did not keep their mouth shut.

And on other side, people who would rather sue you, use force or dominate than talk to you through don’t deserve better than same courtesy.

You got a lot of issues there buddy. I hope things get better for you.

 

[wilson124]

Yep. I will put out another revelation. When I was 6 or 8, i had high fever and lied in bed in my parents bedroom that had picture on wall of Mother Mary with baby Jesus. When I was sick it was speaking to me not so nice words for 8 year old that I was gonna die. Was that really her or devil’s tricks? I wonder what everyone thinks about it? It was picture of Mary of Kalwaria Zebrzydowska or Our Lady of Calvary.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Yep. I will put out another revelation. When I was 6 or 8, i had high fever and lied in bed in my parents bedroom that had picture on wall of Mother Mary with baby Jesus. When I was sick it was speaking to me not so nice words for 8 year old that I was gonna die. Was that really her or devil’s tricks? I wonder what everyone thinks about it? It was picture of Mary of Kalwaria Zebrzydowska or Our Lady of Calvary.

I’m am sorry but it seems you have left the realm of logical discussion. Perhaps you could start another thread. for each issue you wish to bring up.

Perhaps some introspection is due on your part to perhaps try to grow socially and spiritually.

 

[Heathcliff80]

Wilson124, I truly feel for you. As a newcomer to a foreign land and looking for friendship and faith you have experienced alienation.

There are some things which may ease your mind though:

Here in the UK I have quite a few polish friends who are also gay catholics. Many attend mass frequently and lead devout lives that give no scandal so the vast majority of people don’t have any issue. Quite frankly there are more important issues such as the economic situation and its impact on poor families.

Having travelled Europe I am used to many Europeans being very tactile, this is simply a cultural thing and your US ‘friends’ may never have experienced that.

Your political choices are strictly for you. I gather people get very worked up in the US about politics (following one party is the equivalent of child sacrifice it would seem) so I would keep it private and if anybody asks just say it is a private matter and none of their business.

If you read through many of the threads on CAF, you will see that many people will give up on gay friends (for reasons which seem to be clouded judgement at best). I do not think this is representative though. I hope you find a parish which will feel like a home and discover new friends. Are there any parishes which offer a mass in Polish near you? Many are held in cities in the UK. That may also help you in your journey of faith and friendship.

Praying for you.

(As to your last post - a fever can bring about hallucinations and who knows ehat forces could have been at work. )

 

[pnewton]

If you read through many of the threads on CAF, you will see that many people will give up on gay friends (for reasons which seem to be clouded judgement at best).

Perhaps judging others, based on posts and with no personal knowledge, after one week here is not the best way to show one’s own good judgment.

 

[Heathcliff80]

Perhaps judging others, based on posts and with no personal knowledge, after one week here is not the best way to show one’s own good judgment.

FYI - I have been here longer than a week, what you see is a new register.

Also there are many posts which quite openly state that the person gave up on their friend or family member because they are gay - there was no other reason. Reading over the posts carefully has led me to that belief. Please also note I was not judging them as an individual but the process that had led them to that point.

 

[eddie_too]

wilson124

if you have not done so already, t\please look in to a faithful Roman Catholic organization called Courage.

Courage exists primarily for the purpose of helping Catholics experiencing same-sex attraction live their lives embracing the virtue of Chastity on a daily basis.

good luck to you and I will keep you in my prayers.