Do catholics *have* to have kids?

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mjb472012

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I’ve heard that married couples must try to have children for their marriage to be a valid sacrament. I’ve also heard that its a valid marriage as long as the couple is accepting of children if they come, but don’t purposely want to have them.
My fiancee and I are getting married and won’t use artificial birth control. But neither of us desire children. But if its God’s will that we have them, then we will graciously accept them.
What is the Church’s teachings on this matter?
Does being “open to life” mean you must have and want children? Or does being “open” mean that regardless of your wants, you’ll accept God’s will for your family over your own?
We intend to incorporate NFP stuff and fertility tests to determine when she’s fertile. During these times, we will abstain. (She doesn’t want kids due to extreme illnesses that run in her family)
 
mjb472012 said:
I’ve heard that married couples must try to have children for their marriage to be a valid sacrament. I’ve also heard that its a valid marriage as long as the couple is accepting of children if they come, but don’t purposely want to have them.
My fiancee and I are getting married and won’t use artificial birth control. But neither of us desire children. But if its God’s will that we have them, then we will graciously accept them.
What is the Church’s teachings on this matter?
Does being “open to life” mean you must have and want children? Or does being “open” mean that regardless of your wants, you’ll accept God’s will for your family over your own?
We intend to incorporate NFP stuff and fertility tests to determine when she’s fertile. During these times, we will abstain. (She doesn’t want kids due to extreme illnesses that run in her family)
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Based on this article in the Catechism,
1660 The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman form with each other an intimate communion of life and love, has been founded and endowed with its own special laws by the Creator. By its very nature it is ordered to the good of the couple, as well as to the generation and education of children. Christ the Lord raised marriage between the baptized to the dignity of a sacrament (cf. CIC, can. 1055 § 1; cf. GS 48 § 1).
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the lack of desire for children may be an (name removed by moderator)ediment to a valid marriage. A serious discussion with your pastor about this situation seems to be in order.
 
you need to talk to your priest.

a permanent intention against childrren is an impediment to valid marriage. whether or not that is your situation is something you, your fiancee, and priest need to discuss.
 
Something to consider in discussions with your priest on this…

You say that your fiance is concerned due to serious illness in her family…Would she be open to adoption?
I’m not sure about specific teachings on this…but it would seem that open to adoption would indicate being open to life…
But as others have said…you and she need to discuss this with your priest in pre-cana.

Peace
James
 
i’ve never understood why people would want a sacramental marriage if they didn’t want kids.
if your goal is for any civil reasons, such as tax benefits or citizenship then why not just do a civil ceremony and leave the church out of the equation.
 
carolynpetty said:
i’ve never understood why people would want a sacramental marriage if they didn’t want kids.
if your goal is for any civil reasons, such as tax benefits or citizenship then why not just do a civil ceremony and leave the church out of the equation.
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Because I want God to be the foundation of my marriage. I don’t want to leave God or the Church out of my life and marriage. I don’t care about tax benefits either.
 
mjb472012 said:
Because I want God to be the foundation of my marriage. I don’t want to leave God or the Church out of my life and marriage. I don’t care about tax benefits either.
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Then you have to be open to life in the marriage.

Canon Law:

Can. 1055 §1 The marriage covenant, by which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of their whole life, and which of its own very nature is ordered to the well-being of the spouses and to the procreation and upbringing of children, has, between the baptised, been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.
 
mjb472012 said:
Because I want God to be the foundation of my marriage. I don’t want to leave God or the Church out of my life and marriage. I don’t care about tax benefits either.
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It is perfectly understandable to want to be married in the church, but not to want kids. If you are Catholic I can see why you want God as a part of your marriage. There are many Catholics that had no business having children for many different reasons. God knows how you feel and why you feel the way you do.

I am glad you seem open to having children, but it is by far the biggest decision of your life and the life you are bring into the world, You should know without a doubt that you want children and everything that goes with it. Are you willing to face a lifetime with a child that has a serious illness? Are you ready to be as selfless as you need to be because that person is counting on you? The questions go on and on. Do not go by the thought that if you get pregnant, it was God’s will. God doesn’t want drug addicts and evil people to have children, but it happens everyday.

I had children because I wanted them, but that doesn’t mean it has been all loving and niece everyday. There are days when I question what in the world was I thinking, and any truly honest parent will tell you the same thing.I commend you for being able to say you don’t want children. Some day you might change your mind and that is how God will let you know you should have children, not because you happen to get pregnant.
 
JRKH said:
Something to consider in discussions with your priest on this…

You say that your fiance is concerned due to serious illness in her family…Would she be open to adoption?
I’m not sure about specific teachings on this…but it would seem that open to adoption would indicate being open to life…
But as others have said…you and she need to discuss this with your priest in pre-cana.

Peace
James
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While adopting is a very noble act it is not AT ALL related to being open to life** in marriage.** The promise to lovingly accept children is directly related to the fruits of the marital act and the gift of fecundity.

That being said, it is possible, in the face of serious health issuses, to delay pregnancy until such time as treatment is found. However, as has been said before, the intent to **permananently **avoid having children as a fruit of the marriage is an impediment to validity.
 
If God wills us to have children, then I’ll joyfully accept them and all the responsibilities that come with being a dad. We also won’t try to prevent pregnancy from occurring with condoms, vasectomies, or anything else. We’d just prefer not to have kids. But let God’s will be done, not ours. I’ll pray about this and ask that God would open the hearts and minds of me and my fiancee to have children if its His plan for us.
 
Corki said:
While adopting is a very noble act it is not AT ALL related to being open to life** in marriage.** The promise to lovingly accept children is directly related to the fruits of the marital act and the gift of fecundity.

That being said, it is possible, in the face of serious health issuses, to delay pregnancy until such time as treatment is found. However, as has been said before, the intent to **permananently **avoid having children as a fruit of the marriage is an impediment to validity.
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Corki -
Thanks for clarifying…

Peace
James
 
We intend to incorporate NFP stuff and fertility tests to determine when she’s fertile. During these times, we will abstain. (She doesn’t want kids due to extreme illnesses that run in her family)
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Pope Pius XI taught specifically that a eugenic concern (fear of serious congenital illness or deformity) could constitute a valid reason to avoid conception for long periods. This is a sticky situation since a very important judgement is being made that could drastically affect your salvation, and you don’t want to go into it lightly. Personally, if I were in your situation, I would NOT go any farther into this without really qualified help from a Priest-theologian. I’m talking about a big gun, not someone on the internet and not your local parish priest. Every diocese should have priests licensed to practice moral theology, our little bitty diocese has two Licentiates in Moral Theology incardinated here. I’d be asking them.
 
mjb472012 said:
I’ve heard that married couples must try to have children for their marriage to be a valid sacrament. I’ve also heard that its a valid marriage as long as the couple is accepting of children if they come, but don’t purposely want to have them.
My fiancee and I are getting married and won’t use artificial birth control. But neither of us desire children. But if its God’s will that we have them, then we will graciously accept them.
What is the Church’s teachings on this matter?
Does being “open to life” mean you must have and want children? Or does being “open” mean that regardless of your wants, you’ll accept God’s will for your family over your own?
We intend to incorporate NFP stuff and fertility tests to determine when she’s fertile. During these times, we will abstain. (She doesn’t want kids due to extreme illnesses that run in her family)
Click to expand...
If you don’t want children, why did you marry? It is one thing to marry and find out you cannot have children or accept the infertility of the spouse and still marry. BUT, it is another to marry without any desire for children.

You would have lied during your martial vows if you truly got married without a desire to have children. I also don’t see how you can be open to children but not desire them. So I am speaking from the perspective that two are the same.
 
mjb472012 said:
If God wills us to have children, then I’ll joyfully accept them and all the responsibilities that come with being a dad. We also won’t try to prevent pregnancy from occurring with condoms, vasectomies, or anything else. We’d just prefer not to have kids. But let God’s will be done, not ours. I’ll pray about this and ask that God would open the hearts and minds of me and my fiancee to have children if its His plan for us.
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But your child would then have been a person you preferred not to have 😦

Also, God has already spoken. He has made it clear that he wants you to WANT to have children. That is why you are married. Whether God will satisfy that desire is a different story.
 
=mjb472012;10110859]I’ve heard that married couples must try to have children for their marriage to be a valid sacrament. I’ve also heard that its a valid marriage as long as the couple is accepting of children if they come, but don’t purposely want to have them.
My fiancee and I are getting married and won’t use artificial birth control. But neither of us desire children. But if its God’s will that we have them, then we will graciously accept them.
What is the Church’s teachings on this matter?
Does being “open to life” mean you must have and want children? Or does being “open” mean that regardless of your wants, you’ll accept God’s will for your family over your own?
We intend to incorporate NFP stuff and fertility tests to determine when she’s fertile. During these times, we will abstain. (She doesn’t want kids due to extreme illnesses that run in her family)
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AWESOME QUESTION:thumbsup:

One ONLY has to kleave it up to God to choose children or no children! But that point is essential:)
 
Eufrosnia said:
If you don’t want children, why did you marry? It is one thing to marry and find out you cannot have children or accept the infertility of the spouse and still marry. BUT, it is another to marry without any desire for children.

You would have lied during your martial vows if you truly got married without a desire to have children. I also don’t see how you can be open to children but not desire them. So I am speaking from the perspective that two are the same.
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We marry because we love each other and want to be husband and wife. If marriage was purely about having babies and nothing else, then elderly people past childbearing years wouldn’t ever marry. The marriage vows say that you’ll be “open to children” which we are if its God’s will. It doesn’t say that you have to WANT them or else your marriage doesn’t count, does it? Accepting kids if they come isn’t the same thing as wanting to have kids.
 
Burdensome1 said:
Pope Pius XI taught specifically that a eugenic concern (fear of serious congenital illness or deformity) could constitute a valid reason to avoid conception for long periods. This is a sticky situation since a very important judgement is being made that could drastically affect your salvation, and you don’t want to go into it lightly. Personally, if I were in your situation, I would NOT go any farther into this without really qualified help from a Priest-theologian. I’m talking about a big gun, not someone on the internet and not your local parish priest. Every diocese should have priests licensed to practice moral theology, our little bitty diocese has two Licentiates in Moral Theology incardinated here. I’d be asking them.
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Interesting…I wonder how that teaching might vary…It’s one thing for an already married couple to find themselves in such a dilemma…but it might be different for a couple not yet married…

As you say - needs to be seriously discussed…

Peace
James
 
mjb472012 said:
We marry because we love each other and want to be husband and wife. If marriage was purely about having babies and nothing else, then elderly people past childbearing years wouldn’t ever marry. The marriage vows say that you’ll be “open to children” which we are if its God’s will. It doesn’t say that you have to WANT them or else your marriage doesn’t count, does it? Accepting kids if they come isn’t the same thing as wanting to have kids.
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Elderly people past child bearing ages probably shouldn’t marry just for the sake of getting together for sexual love though. There are other ways to express love. Perhaps that is what has caused such scandal.

Anyway, what does it mean that you are open to children but would not like to have children though? Can I be open to getting married but not desire it? Would it be right to do so?

I see your point with having kids potentially when you weren’t expecting. But this would be different from having sex with the idea of not wanting but then having. Right?
 
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