Do cradle Catholics struggle with Confession?

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Thank you all for your fast responses. I look forward in reading more as the day continues.

To clarify:
If people notice that I call the Catholic church a denomination, I say it is one because if one was to look at the history of Christianity, they will see that Christianity is like a big family tree. It is divided into many different branches and we are part of that branch. Catholicism is not a religion, it is a large big branch of the Christian family tree.

-Also I have a great minister at my church. He is super awesome. If readers were looking for a church or a good listener he has a great reputation around the Montreal area. I’ve approached him with several questions outside the confessional.

It’s the sacrament of confession, and everything associated with it, that bothers and makes me extremely uncomfortable. It seems like Catholicism is a more accountable denomination verses the others I have attended. Does others feel the same way?
 
SecretGarden said:
Thank you all for your fast responses. I look forward in reading more as the day continues.

To clarify:
If people notice that I call the Catholic church a denomination, I say it is one because if one was to look at the history of Christianity, they will see that Christianity is like a big family tree. It is divided into many different branches and we are part of that branch. Catholicism is not a religion, it is a large big branch of the Christian family tree.

-Also I have a great minister at my church. He is super awesome. If readers were looking for a church or a good listener he has a great reputation around the Montreal area. I’ve approached him with several questions outside the confessional.

It’s the sacrament of confession, and everything associated with it, that bothers and makes me extremely uncomfortable. It seems like Catholicism is a more accountable denomination verses the others I have attended. Does others feel the same way?
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To your first point, the other denominations branched off from us, so they are the branches. In your analogy, we are the tree.

You say it makes you uncomfortable. I think that is normal and to be expected, it is not easy to say what we did wrong, to admit we are sinners, especially in our feel-good society. I’m not sure what you are saying though…Are you saying you are uncomfortable with the actual act or uncomfortable with the theology behind it? Those are two different issues.
 
The things I always hated about confession at the parish I was baptized in (I’m an adult convert) are:
  • Only having two opportunities to go to confession each week (4:15-5p, 6:15-7p)
  • Getting there at 4p only to have 10 people already there
  • Waiting until the 3p wedding wraps up at 4:30p for confessions to start
  • Always feeling like people were looking at me when I was waiting in line
  • That nervous feeling of “Will I get in today or not?”
  • The ache in my back and legs for standing there for almost an hour not moving
  • Getting into the confessional to hear the visiting priest say, “Do you speak Spanish? I only speak a little English.”
  • Getting no spiritual direction from said priest
  • Hoping I got all my sins, because I confessed so infrequently I started to forget them before I could confess them
When I switched parishes (to an FSSP parish), every single one of these problems went away:
  • Confession 30 minutes before and after each mass
  • Other than on First Saturdays and all Sundays, rarely having a line
  • Being able to recollect kneeling in the confessional instead of standing in a long line
  • Gratefulness for being able to confess as soon as my soul felt a little squicky
  • The ache in my knees from being in the confessional a long time listening to amazing spiritual direction
  • Getting into the habit of doing very thorough examinations of conscience due to frequent confession
I used to go to confession maybe once every month or two, but would have gone more frequently had the opportunity been there. Now I go every week, usually at the same time, which I have found has truly elevated my spiritual life in ways I did not know were possible. Mortal Sin has virtually been eliminated from my life due to the graces given to me in the confessional, and yet I find endless ways to improve in virtue and love in Christ through the spiritual direction given to me by the priests.

And I always recommend listening to this homily from Audio Sancto for people who are afraid of confession. And if you’re still scared, listen to it again.

The Sacrament of Penance (Part 1)
 
Oh BOY do I feel you.

Where I live there are no ‘set confession times’ so you ALWAYS have to make an appointment and I just find it so awkward and difficult.

I’m not a cradle Catholic but I just wanted to say that I struggle with the same things you mentioned.
 
How do you handle it nickybr38? I think we ended up joining the church within a few months of each other? Therefore we are still newbies. How often do you go? How did you adopt this part into your christian faith?

The theology behind it, I am uncomfortable with as well as making an appointment. My pastor is easy to talk to about other stuff. I’m blessed to have an amazing minister. I’m uncomfortable making an appointment with this. In theory there is a box that one can go to, because confessions are available 15 minutes before every mass at my church but no ones uses it. Plus my buses are every hour so I get to mass about 5 minutes before mass begins and he is gone by that point. In theory, I could go to another place, but there is no guarantee the minister will be able to have a good understanding of English. This is Quebec and English speakers are the minority here. The parishes are divided along linguistic lines. The idea of standing in line to enter some box is even worst. I’m not a fan of small enclosed spaces.

For the record, there was originally one church that as Christianity spread, it eventually divided into the east and west. East became Catholic, west became Orthodox. It broke up after that.
 
SecretGarden said:
How do you handle it nickybr38? I think we ended up joining the church within a few months of each other? Therefore we are still newbies. How often do you go? How did you adopt this part into your christian faith?

The theology behind it, I am uncomfortable with as well as making an appointment. My pastor is easy to talk to about other stuff. I’m blessed to have an amazing minister. I’m uncomfortable making an appointment with this. In theory there is a box that one can go to, because confessions are available 15 minutes before every mass at my church but no ones uses it. Plus my buses are every hour so I get to mass about 5 minutes before mass begins and he is gone by that point. In theory, I could go to another place, but there is no guarantee the minister will be able to have a good understanding of English. This is Quebec and English speakers are the minority here. The parishes are divided along linguistic lines. The idea of standing in line to enter some box is even worst. I’m not a fan of small enclosed spaces.

For the record, there was originally one church that as Christianity spread, it eventually divided into the east and west. East became Catholic, west became Orthodox. It broke up after that.
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You are correct, my fellow Canadian (just had to throw that in there 😃 ), in that we joined around the same time.

For me the first confession was the hardest. I agonized the week before. I was in tears almost every night just thinking about it (I have done very horrible things in my past).

Finally I fell to my knees and begged for help… somehow when it came time to Confess I had the strength to speak all of my sins without breaking down.

These days I struggle to go. I really, really do. There are just so many issues when it comes to Confession that I have to work through (more spiritually and emotionally then theologically, I’ve gotten to the point where I accept the theology behind it). Every time I go I have an internal battle.

The way I get through it is to pray. I basically beg the Holy Spirit to help me and of course He always comes through. This is the one thing I literally cannot do on my own, I have to be carried into that confessional each and every time, but I submit myself fully to Christ and to the Spirit and they in turn help me to do this.

I also have a ‘confession buddy’. When I need to go to Confession I call her and we make an appointment together. This way I’m never going alone AND it’s harder to back out when I know she’s relying on me just as much as I’m relying on her.

Anyway, I think we might have slightly different issues with Confession but in the end there are others who are struggling along with you.
 
nickybr38 said:
Oh BOY do I feel you.

Where I live there are no ‘set confession times’ so you ALWAYS have to make an appointment and I just find it so awkward and difficult.

I’m not a cradle Catholic but I just wanted to say that I struggle with the same things you mentioned.
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I’ve discussed this with others before, and everyone feels like you. Priests used to be much more respectful of penitents. In fact, since your anonymity to the priest is one of your rights as a Catholic, you should never have to call to make an appointment! That is ridiculous!

Priests think that if you make an appointment, go face-to-face, and act all lovey-dovey, it makes it somehow more meaningful to the penitent. For many of us, nothing could be further from the truth. We want to be made right with God, and the Priest acts in Persona Christi … he shouldn’t put so much emphasis on himself or even on our identities.

If there have to be appointment times, they should be IN ADDITION TO regularly scheduled confession times. You should complain to your Diocese about this.

To the OP, you should not refer to your Priest as a “minister”. The Catholic Church is not a “denomination”, the thousands of denominations that exist came into being primarily after the Protestant Reformation. Just plain history.
 
opus101 said:
To the OP, you should not refer to your Priest as a “minister”. The Catholic Church is not a “denomination”, the thousands of denominations that exist came into being primarily after the Protestant Reformation. Just plain history.
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I slip up and call my mother’s minister her ‘priest’ sometimes. The terminology is hard to let go. Heh. 😊 OP, don’t worry! You’ll get used to the new words and terms… although it will take awhile I’m sure.
 
Every time.

But then, every time I’m glad that I went. Don’t let it stop you. Just remember that the anxiety you feel beforehand is just that.

There’s no way to describe/quantify/compare the experience of having the voice/face of Christ articulate that you are absolved. It’s that good.

😉
 
SecretGarden said:
Thank you all for your fast responses. I look forward in reading more as the day continues.

To clarify:
If people notice that I call the Catholic church a denomination, I say it is one because if one was to look at the history of Christianity, they will see that Christianity is like a big family tree. It is divided into many different branches and we are part of that branch. Catholicism is not a religion, it is a large big branch of the Christian family tree.
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While I appreciate your view here - especially as you come into the Church from a “denomination”, any comparison of Christianity to a Tree puts Catholicism (Along with the E.O. as the Trunk - not the Branches.

Take a look at This Chart as an example. The only two early anomalies of the Assyrian and Oriental Orthodox appear to be leaning toward rejoining the Church and all the of the “Protestant churches” are “Branched off” of the Catholic…

This is why, As Catholics, we can legitimately claim that we are NOT a denomination. As you go along here at CAF, you will find that whenever you refer to The Church as a denomination, someone will likely take issue with it…

Not complaining, just reporting…😃

Peace
James
 
I use to get uncomfortable. But I am discerning a call to the priesthood so I go frequently to free my soul to let it grow in grace.

For me, it is now comfortable to hear I am forgiven.

I go to a parish nearby for confession. I think that it can be considered a modern parish. For instance it has no organ, just a digital piano. They have a 11 am mass with guitars and tambourines. But the thing I love about it is the confessional. It has a room for the priest only, and a room for the parishioner. So it is very anonymous.

This is what I suggest for people who are uncomfortable.
 
I suppose I am a “cradle” Catholic.

Anyway, I’ve always been very self-deprecating, so confession is like a slice of heaven for me. You mean I get to talk about all the horrible things I’ve done AND be forgiven?

:yyeess: sign. me. UP!

My older sister cried at her first confession. But I couldn’t wait to get in there (6 or 7 years old). I think I even told the priest a story about how much I didn’t like my older sister.
 
Two forces in play with this matter, one is that a person may be in mortal sin thus not allowed the sacrament of confession, secondly with repeat offenders a Priest can choose not to allow absolution. Parishioners many times then go to another church where they won’t be known so they can do confession.

You must be willing and have intent to chane the direction of your life.

Merry Christmas.
 
Half a moment…
charliedrake said:
…one is that a person may be in mortal sin thus not allowed the sacrament of confession, .
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This has to be a typo. When a person is in mortal sin, it is **imperative **that they receive the sacrament of confession.
charliedrake said:
…secondly with repeat offenders a Priest can choose not to allow absolution…
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You should qualify this. Only in the most RARE cases would someone be refused absolution. I confess about masturbation all the time.😊
 
charliedrake said:
Two forces in play with this matter, one is that a person may be in mortal sin thus not allowed the sacrament of confession,
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I really wish you would be more careful in how you express your statements.

I assume that you mean unrepentant mortal sin in which case it is highly unlikely that the person is going to go to confession…After all if they are not repentant, they would not be thinking that the need confession.

If the person IS repentant1456 Confession to a priest is an essential part of the sacrament of Penance: “All mortal sins of which penitents after a diligent self-examination are conscious must be recounted by them in confession, even if they are most secret and have been committed against the last two precepts of the Decalogue; for these sins sometimes wound the soul more grievously and are more dangerous than those which are committed openly.” (Emphasis Mine)[/INDENT]
So - your statement above, as written is blatantly false.
secondly with repeat offenders a Priest can choose not to allow absolution. Parishioners many times then go to another church where they won’t be known so they can do confession.
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I am repeatedly amazed that you seem to “Know” (or think you know) what “many parishioners” do with regards to this very personal matter of sin and confession.
I would really like to know what your credentials are for making such declarative statements…
You must be willing and have intent to change the direction of your life
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Indeed - that is the whole point of our Christian faith, both in and out of the confessional.

Merry Christmas to you too.

Peace
James
 
SecretGarden said:
It’s the sacrament of confession, and everything associated with it, that bothers and makes me extremely uncomfortable. It seems like Catholicism is a more accountable denomination verses the others I have attended. Does others feel the same way?
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Accountability is a really, really good thing. For starters, it’s a good way to humble ourselves. It’s also a good way to notice of how you are living, to change and to grow, to keep from backsliding, to live more than an ordinary life.

If you desire to be more than you are, to actually grow in holiness, confession is one of those things that can help, especially if you find a good confessor. A good confessor will become a mentor. (I’m not talking about spiritual direction in the confessional, but when a priest gets to know you and know your heart, he can mentor you during this time. I’m in and out fairly quickly, yet because my priest knows me, he can make suggestions that help me grow. Even his penances are designed with that in mind.)

It’s not about beating yourself up over your sins. It’s about a desire to be closer to God, to grow in holiness. Confession is such a great gift for this.

Having said that, for a time I got very nervous going to confession. In part that’s because it’s awkward going to anybody and telling them all the reasons you’re not so great! With friends, I can show my “good side”, but I can’t hide behind that in the confessional. That’s one way it helps to keep us humble. Now I am less nervous, but still, going to somebody I respect and telling him what a jerk I can be, this can be difficult. But it’s always, always worth it.

It’s also great for relationships. If, for example, you confess things like the arguments you have with family members…but remembering it is confession, it’s not about them and what they did wrong, it’s about the part you played. It’s not a place to justify your actions, but to actually see their side of the story, the not-so-loving part you played. It helps you to look at things different, to stop some of those old habits, to see that there really are two sides to things. Then, instead of allowing yourself to feel wronged, you realize that the person you argued with also has reason to be upset, and then you can actually make some progress.

I could go on and on. With a good confessor, this is a sacrament that can change your life.
 
Nom_the_Wise said:
Half a moment…

This has to be a typo. When a person is in mortal sin, it is **imperative **that they receive the sacrament of confession.

You should qualify this. Only in the most RARE cases would someone be refused absolution. I confess about masturbation all the time.😊
Click to expand...
Totally wrong my cafeteria Catholic friend.

If the mortal sin violates a sacrament such as marriage then confession is not allowed. If the Priest discovers you have no intent to stop masturbating as an example he may not allow absolution.
 
JRKH said:
I really wish you would be more careful in how you express your statements.

I assume that you mean unrepentant mortal sin in which case it is highly unlikely that the person is going to go to confession…After all if they are not repentant, they would not be thinking that the need confession.

If the person IS repentant1456 Confession to a priest is an essential part of the sacrament of Penance: “All mortal sins of which penitents after a diligent self-examination are conscious must be recounted by them in confession, even if they are most secret and have been committed against the last two precepts of the Decalogue; for these sins sometimes wound the soul more grievously and are more dangerous than those which are committed openly.” (Emphasis Mine)[/INDENT]
So - your statement above, as written is blatantly false.

I am repeatedly amazed that you seem to “Know” (or think you know) what “many parishioners” do with regards to this very personal matter of sin and confession.
I would really like to know what your credentials are for making such declarative statements…

Indeed - that is the whole point of our Christian faith, both in and out of the confessional.

Merry Christmas to you too.

Peace
James
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If you don’t believe parishioners discuss their Priests at men’s club, spaghetti dinner functions, family events etc…then you may just be getting half the information.
 
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