Do evangelicals place a high priority on marrying young?

[Kristin234]

I did my undergrad at Trinity International University, and during the four years I spent there I probably got invited to about 30 weddings. Every single one of them was between 18-22. We used to joke around about staying far away from the seminary students because if you even said hi to them they would try to propose. I found it odd but you got used to it. I didn’t go there for marriage, and I didn’t think it was any of my business to even care that people were getting married at a young age.

JustaServant, not all Bible colleges are like the way you explained. At my school you were able to major in many things. I majored in biology and I am in med school right now. A good friend of mine also majored in biology and is in physical therapy school. And neither of us are married yet!

 

[benjammin]

Well, at least kids keep you younger!
Marriage makes one grow up and realize that life is not just about you. There is no blanket age that is right or wrong. In my late parents day, early twenties was too old. Sometimes I think that the longer people wait, the more temptations they have as well as the inability to settle down, grow-up and start families. The older one gets, the harder it will be to adjust and grow in married life. If evangelical young adults are starting to get married against the late 20s trend, then really good for them. They probably have less time for fall into sin and “live together”. Maybe if a number (not all) of our Catholic colleges would act and teach from the heart of the church and emphasize the importance of the sacrament of marriage, we might see the same trend.

What about if you just can’t find the right person. Im sorry if my post made it sound like I’m intentionally waiting. To be honest I kind of feel like a loser because i’ve never had a girlfriend and i’m 23, and see so many people no matter what faith getting married already and its like whats wrong with me. However, I don’t think that waiting makes it harder to adjust to married life. I’m sure there are plenty of young 20 year olds who get married and have a hard time adjusting, and there are probably 40 year olds who have never been married and adjust just fine, although i do think there can be struggles.

 

[manualman]

Actually, I think evangelicals such as the OP referred to are onto something. Anthropologically speaking, 19-21 years old is NOT “young” for marriage and family raising. It is our modern culture that has been strongly militating against it. You know, that same culture that says ‘sex is just about physical pleasure’ and ‘marriage is a contract you can easily break when it stops being fun for you.’ And don’t forget ‘Denying marriage to gay people is bigoted and discriminatory.’ That culture. Perhaps we’ve swallowed this a bit too soon.

Perhaps there is a certain aspect to evangelical culture in which family is still valued higher than career? Perhaps they’ve been resisting the secular material mantra that one must be financially secure before embarking on the ‘financially ruinous’ course of parenthood? Maybe they see marriage as a vocation to be embraced rather than a secondary relic that comes somewhere lower in priority than career?

Nah, they probably don’t say “vocation.” Sounds too catholic. Then again, maybe they’re comprehending this sacrament better than we are. Just pondering.

I married late at age 29. Wish I’d have met her sooner and got off my duff sooner. Coulda managed more kids that way!

 

[andrewstx]

There is a big difference between evangelicals and Catholics when it comes to marriage.
An Evangelical is theoretically able to divorce and “re marry” at will practically.

That does not exist for Catholics, you only get one chance. So I think it wise to delay marriage until one ,matures and know exactly what she/he is doing.

 

[tarboy]

Ben,
There is no perfect person for you, that a Hollywood fantasy. So stop waiting to be ‘struck by lightning’ (love at first sight/soul mate stuff) and Get in the game, start dating. I wasted many good years waiting for that lightning bolt.

What about if you just can’t find the right person. Im sorry if my post made it sound like I’m intentionally waiting. To be honest I kind of feel like a loser because i’ve never had a girlfriend and i’m 23, and see so many people no matter what faith getting married already and its like whats wrong with me. However, I don’t think that waiting makes it harder to adjust to married life. I’m sure there are plenty of young 20 year olds who get married and have a hard time adjusting, and there are probably 40 year olds who have never been married and adjust just fine, although i do think there can be struggles.

Andrew,
While you’ve highlighted a significant sacramental difference, I’m not 100% certain it drives the different rates. This Barna Group study is a few years old but still useful, and interesting.
33% for National Average
32% for all born again Christians (includes EV)
26% for Evangelical Christians
28% for Catholics
28% for conservatives
37% for liberals

There is a big difference between evangelicals and Catholics when it comes to marriage.

An Evangelical is theoretically able to divorce and “re marry” at will practically.
That does not exist for Catholics, you only get one chance. So I think it wise to delay marriage until one ,matures and know exactly what she/he is doing.

 

[robwar]

What about if you just can’t find the right person. Im sorry if my post made it sound like I’m intentionally waiting. To be honest I kind of feel like a loser because i’ve never had a girlfriend and i’m 23, and see so many people no matter what faith getting married already and its like whats wrong with me. However, I don’t think that waiting makes it harder to adjust to married life. I’m sure there are plenty of young 20 year olds who get married and have a hard time adjusting, and there are probably 40 year olds who have never been married and adjust just fine, although i do think there can be struggles.

Hi Benjamin
i don’t take your post as if you are intentionally waiting and you should not feel at all like a loser if you never had a girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with you in that you are still single and you are seeing your friends getting married. I married at 24 and still married 26 years later so my comments are meant not to make you feel bad but as an observation of living life 51 years. In just general observation, it is easier to marry younger, adjust to married life (that is meant not to scare you but becoming married IS an adjustment) and start having children when you are younger than older. Just because this has not happen to you yet, does not mean if and when you marry you will have bigger problems because it is later. What I observe is that there is more of a trend to get married later and later and it has become harder for them to settle down in married life or even commit to married life.
Since you seems to desire to become married, start praying (and i am sure you are doing that already) for your future spouse as well as to pray for yourself to become a great husband. I will pray that since this is your desire that you find the right spouse. You are not a loser so don’t feel that way because you are not married yet.

 

[Kathryn_Ann]

Hi,

Yes, they did when I was attending their churches in the early 1970’s. (“Pentecostal”)

Reasons: They taught that the end times were coming, so rather than sin, better to marry. This resulted in rushed marriages by very immature people nowhere near ready to marry, and who had no real understanding the Sacramental nature of marriage.

My first marriage to a fellow evangelical evangelist was annulled while I was in RCIA. (I had been only civilly divorced from him and had married a cradle Catholic, the latter marriage blessed on Holy Saturday when I entered the Church, praise God!)

Church annulments can be a blessing to someone like myself, who had no idea of what I was doing and whose first marriage was devoid of all that truly makes a real marriage. Neither of us in that first (annulled) “marriage” were even baptized.

I thank the Catholic Church, for Christ’s giving Peter and those who followed him the power to loose and to bind. I hope that these so called evangelicals are not continuing to press for early marriages before people are ready for such a commitment.

 

[Taestron]

Consciously? No. There is not priority to get married young. In fact, I was always encouraged to wait until I was relatively certain about my vocation and financial abilities.

But there is a big emphasis on marriage in general amongst evangelicals. The gift of celibacy is not seen as a gift at all. So you combine this almost unconscious pressure to find a spouse, add to it the simultaneous extreme sexual pressure of culture and the equally extreme encouragement encouragements to adolescents to wait until marriage, then you get people desiring to get married as young as possible.

 

[cajunhillbilly]

I find it funny that people think the early 20s is marrying young, when just 150 to 200 years ago people married in their teens all the time.

 

[robwar]

I find it funny that people think the early 20s is marrying young, when just 150 to 200 years ago people married in their teens all the time.

you don’t have to go that far either. My late mother married at 21 and even in the 1940’s,
that was considered older and most of those marriages lasted longer (my parents were 56 years). With no fault divorce laws, someone could become divorced and not wanted it at all. With the current society trend of waiting longer, you really don’t see the so called idea that if one is older they are more mature and the marriage will last. What is happening is that more and more is that young people are just living together and not getting married. Likewise, at least for the women, the most fertile time is in the 20s. I have met young people who don’t get married, they just bounce around and goof off then end up in their 30’s unmarried and actually rather immature and silly because they have wasted all that time on themselves.
Some of the other posters stated they wish they married younger. Yes, getting married is a mature decision but getting married in the early 20’s enables (hopefully) the couple to grow up together instead of a part and you end up with a more mature grow-up adults instead of 30-40 year olds that can’t settle down. There are always exception to anything but if evangelicals are getting married and starting families that really is the future of our society instead all these immature adults that can’t commit to anyone and float around
and end up rather lonely in later life.

 

[benjammin]

Hi Benjamin
i don’t take your post as if you are intentionally waiting and you should not feel at all like a loser if you never had a girlfriend. There is nothing wrong with you in that you are still single and you are seeing your friends getting married. I married at 24 and still married 26 years later so my comments are meant not to make you feel bad but as an observation of living life 51 years. In just general observation, it is easier to marry younger, adjust to married life (that is meant not to scare you but becoming married IS an adjustment) and start having children when you are younger than older. Just because this has not happen to you yet, does not mean if and when you marry you will have bigger problems because it is later. What I observe is that there is more of a trend to get married later and later and it has become harder for them to settle down in married life or even commit to married life.
Since you seems to desire to become married, start praying (and i am sure you are doing that already) for your future spouse as well as to pray for yourself to become a great husband. I will pray that since this is your desire that you find the right spouse. You are not a loser so don’t feel that way because you are not married yet.

Thank you robwar. I do try to pray about finding a spouse everyday, but it seems so hard, and i’ve kind of accepted that i’ll probably have to get married later in life. I know its wrong, but there’s so much working against me. I’m not that good looking (even devout catholic girls want good looking guys, just good looking devout guys ) and i’m shy and nervous around girls still. I’ve tried everything but nothing has worked,so i’ve just accepted i’m wierd and will probably have to either find someone later. I used to be worried about not getting married before 30 almost to the point of depression. my parents got married at 38 and 45 and my dad died at 61 when i was 15 and I always worried that if I got married too late i’d end up like my dad and die while my kids were still young. Also I worried that my kids would have problems since my brother has autism as a result of being born to an old mother and my sister has some health problems because of my mom was on heart medication. Now though I just don’t care. I’ve accepted that if I get married later in my life its what god wants. Thats what one friend says.

 

[Kristin234]

There is a big difference between evangelicals and Catholics when it comes to marriage.
An Evangelical is theoretically able to divorce and “re marry” at will practically.

That does not exist for Catholics, you only get one chance. So I think it wise to delay marriage until one ,matures and know exactly what she/he is doing.

What??? That is not true. My church refuses to re marry anyone who has been divorced. Actually, I know someone who recently got engaged and talking to our pastor about it and our pastor told him that he wasn’t going to marry him and if he still wanted to he would have to go somewhere else.

I am completely and 100% against divorce and remarriage. I actually didn’t attend my father;s wedding, he’s a member and deacon in the ACOE, because I did not agree with him getting remarried.

 

[benjammin]

What??? That is not true. My church refuses to re marry anyone who has been divorced. Actually, I know someone who recently got engaged and talking to our pastor about it and our pastor told him that he wasn’t going to marry him and if he still wanted to he would have to go somewhere else.

I am completely and 100% against divorce and remarriage. I actually didn’t attend my father;s wedding, he’s a member and deacon in the ACOE, because I did not agree with him getting remarried.

No offense, but maybe your church doesn’t but there are plenty of churches that do, even evangelical ones. It all depends on your denomination or pastor. That is awesome for your church though.