Do extended families naturally drift apart?

[PatriceA]

Yes, so true. Also, younger parents (for me that would be my first cousins’ children as they are the ones in the childrearing years now) often have their children involved in a lot of social and enrichment activities. They sometimes bond more with the other parents and children involved in those than with their own families, or their neighbors. The “front porch of a summer evening” dynamic is something nostalgic of a bygone era.

Many of my friends are other single or divorced women of my age bracket, some of whom did raise kids but now their kids have left the nest.

The problem though with forming friends with only those involved in the same activities as your child, those friendships also drift apart if and when your child or their child outgrows the activity.

But you do bring up one of the reasons why families have drifted apart, or we don’t know our neighbors like our parents did. I was involved in some extracurricular activities growing up, maybe one night a week, but families these days have their children in multiple activities that take up a good deal of the time extended families use to spend together. My daughter’s love for swim team is waning but we were spending two hours every night with other swim team parents. I know those “friendships” are going to wane for me because they’re still going to be at the pool every night, I won’t be.

 

[babochka]

We just had a family reunion on Easter, so this has been on my mind as well.

I have 21 cousins on my dad’s side and 9 cousins on my mom’s side. On my mom’s side, most of us were born within 4 years of each other and we were very close as children. I still regularly see and talk to 4 of them, the 4 that I was closest to as a child. The others, I am happy to see at family events 2-3 times each year and we keep up on Facebook. On my dad’s side, I see one cousin regularly, the one who is just a few months older than me. We grew up together and have always been close. I keep up with a few of them on Facebook, and see the rest at funerals. At the last funeral, we all decided to have a reunion. Most of us made it, and I was glad to see everyone, but I’m not going to go out of my way to have more contact. We are so spread out in age that I hardly knew many of them when we were children. Some of them were grown by the time I was born. My dad comes from a family of 8, mostly space 3 years apart.

 

[SMHW]

Yes, extended families naturally drift apart.

Those who live in the same general area and those who were especially close when growing up are probably more likely to remain in contact and have families that remain in contact. But such families are not the norm anymore.

But when you have families like mine who lived several states away from extended family and could only afford to make the drive to see family every few years you tend not to be that close. It’s often hard enough for siblings to stay close.

My children have met and know a few of my cousins and some of their second cousins. I have a few cousins I am in contact with via Facebook. But I am seldom in Minnesota and they are seldom in California. We are fairly busy with children and/or grandchildren where we live.

With a few exceptions it’s hard for extended family to stay close.

 

[JackieMom]

Yes, extended families naturally drift apart.

Those who live in the same general area and those who were especially close when growing up are probably more likely to remain in contact and have families that remain in contact. But such families are not the norm anymore.

But when you have families like mine who lived several states away from extended family and could only afford to make the drive to see family every few years you tend not to be that close. It’s often hard enough for siblings to stay close.

My children have met and know a few of my cousins and some of their second cousins. I have a few cousins I am in contact with via Facebook. But I am seldom in Minnesota and they are seldom in California. We are fairly busy with children and/or grandchildren where we live.

With a few exceptions it’s hard for extended family to stay close.

Hey, I’m in the SB region, too!

 

[gmarie21]

I have been thinking about this topic too. I miss having everyone together more than once every year or every other year. There are cousins I see and talk to frequently (moreso than with my own siblings) but for the others the activities take up everyone’s time. Most don’t even make it to baptisms and wakes (forget about funerals, we’re lucky if others make it to wakes). Heck when an extended family member passes away on my dad’s side, my dad asks me to attend the wake when he can’t get a cheap flight in (he lives 750 miles away), but never asks my brother (who lives closer to these wakes than I do). I can only guess as to why he asks me and not my brother (he once stated out loud that of all his children that I’m the only one who would probably care for him when he can no longer care for himself, and sadly I agree, but how he raised us is like the song Cat’s in the Cradle, it just didn’t stick to me, I learned more from my mom’s example to love even when the other person is a jerk).

Needless to say, my husband and I are just trying to break the dysfunctional cycle we were raised in so that our children will grow up together and close.

 

[Ellyakamommy]

It takes a lot of deliberate, direct effort to maintain family ties, and rarely is it as organic as it appeared as when we were children.

My MIL spends the better part of her week cleaning, planning, organizing and meal prepping to have her children, their spouses, and the grandkids visit weekly. The cousins are close, the siblings are close since they see each other, but will the closeness be maintained if someone doesn’t step up and take over once MIL no longer can? I don’t know. It is a lot of work. I appreciate it deeply that she does it, I don’t know that I’d want to assume the same level of responsibility.