Do i congratulate couple who are expecting? (by means of ivf)

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RosslynV

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Ivf seems so normal these days, especially with catholic couples!
 
It is usually quite possible to congratulate a couple who is expecting a new baby without even commenting on whether or not the conception was accomplished by moral means. Do that. Every baby is a blessing, every baby ought to be treated like one, and the problems that can come from moral permissiveness or bad decisions or whatever shouldn’t come to overshadow that. The less you let on when it comes to know the decision-making that lead to a conception, the better. Let privacy reign.

After all, when we don’t act as if every baby comes into world via the exact same moral circumstances, it always seems to be the baby is the one who suffers in the end.
 
As Catholic, you are obliged, in as charitable a way as possible, to explain to the parents why IVF is against the moral law. Before doing this, I would study carefully exactly what the Church teaches. There is absolutely no guilt whatsoever on the child. If you say nothing, then your lack of fortitude may lead the couple to continue to sin in ignorance, in which case you may yourself be culpable.
 
tm21 said:
As Catholic, you are obliged, in as charitable a way as possible, to explain to the parents why IVF is against the moral law. Before doing this, I would study carefully exactly what the Church teaches. There is absolutely no guilt whatsoever on the child. If you say nothing, then your lack of fortitude may lead the couple to continue to sin in ignorance, in which case you may yourself be culpable.
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Ignore this advice.
 
tm21 said:
As Catholic, you are obliged, in as charitable a way as possible, to explain to the parents why IVF is against the moral law. Before doing this, I would study carefully exactly what the Church teaches. There is absolutely no guilt whatsoever on the child. If you say nothing, then your lack of fortitude may lead the couple to continue to sin in ignorance, in which case you may yourself be culpable.
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I agree. Admonishment may not go well but should do so tactfully.
 
tm21 said:
As Catholic, you are obliged, in as charitable a way as possible, to explain to the parents why IVF is against the moral law. Before doing this, I would study carefully exactly what the Church teaches. There is absolutely no guilt whatsoever on the child. If you say nothing, then your lack of fortitude may lead the couple to continue to sin in ignorance, in which case you may yourself be culpable.
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The word “obligation” should never be used lightly or loosely on this forum:

newadvent.org/cathen/04394a.htm

I’d be careful about telling others so directly what they would have an obligation to do or not to do.
 
As a rule, I do not congratulate at the expecting stage. It seems a bit early for congratulations. However, I think it would be fine to share your excitement, happiness, joy, etc., if that’s how you feel. Do not share your anxieties or moral qualms.

If the couple shares any information about how the baby was conceived, I think I would say “That’s way too much information!” or “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” Why should family or friends be talking about it? And how do you think the child may feel when he/she is old enough to understand the gossip? Some things are better left unsaid.
 
IVF is no picnic!!!
Of course congratulate them, be happy for them and pray for a safe delivery. They will obviously love and cherish the baby for whom they have endured so much. God bless them 🙂
 
SuperLuigi said:
The word “obligation” should never be used lightly or loosely on this forum:

newadvent.org/cathen/04394a.htm

I’d be careful about telling others so directly what they would have an obligation to do or not to do.
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I think a better way to put it would be that one should encourage Catholics to be familiar with Church doctrine. If you are asked for your advice, or are in a close enough position to offer personal advice, you can and perhaps should express moral qualms with IVF. However you are not obligated to share your advice where it is unlikely to be well received.

Congratulate them on the child, though - the child is no less a gift than an unwed pregnancy would be.
 
Normally I’d say yes since babies should be considered a blessing, but I’d have to say that it depends on the circumstances. We knew a couple who were expecting and had gone through numerous rounds of IVF before having a successful pregnancy. Despite claiming to be Catholics themselves, they had previously taken issue with us having the gall to actually practice our faith and believe all those ridiculous, outdated teachings of those out-of-touch old white men in Rome, so when they told us about the impending baby they made sure to also mention how many embryos had been “discarded” throughout the whole process. We didn’t feel congratulations were in order under the circumstances.
 
tm21 said:
As Catholic, you are obliged, in as charitable a way as possible, to explain to the parents why IVF is against the moral law. Before doing this, I would study carefully exactly what the Church teaches. There is absolutely no guilt whatsoever on the child. If you say nothing, then your lack of fortitude may lead the couple to continue to sin in ignorance, in which case you may yourself be culpable.
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I stand corrected by other members of the forum who are giving excellent advice. Use your prudential judgment on what is the best course of action given the circumstances. I will pray for you and your friends.
 
Gordon_Sims said:
… We knew a couple … having the gall … they made sure to also mention how many embryos had been “discarded” throughout the whole process. We didn’t feel congratulations were in order under the circumstances.
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What they told you is heartbreaking.
 
the Church doesn’t allow ivf; however, I don’t think we are to stand as judges. So if they are friends or close acquaintances and you want to protect the relationship, sure, congratulate them.
 
I can feel joy for the new life but I mourn for the frozen and destroyed embryos.
 
Of course you congratulate them. A new life is a wonderful thing.

This is a bit funny to me. My wife and I have a nine-month old daughter who is, of course, the light of my life.

Because of our age, people often assume that my wife’s pregnancy is the result of IVF or some kind of fertility treatment. It wasn’t – it was a gift from God, or a stroke of luck, or however one wants to see it.

But I’ve gotten more than one lecture and a bit of hostility from Catholics of my acquaintance (and the priest at my parish church!) over what they just know about how our child came to be. I finally had to tell the priest to shut up and leave me alone. Obviously, I can’t go to confession at that church anymore because he believes I’m holding back.

Anyway, yes, congratulate the parents-to-be. Whatever they may or may not have done wrong, the child is, of course, innocent. And a gift from God.

Finally, I have read of parents who make sure that every embryo resulting from the IVF process is implanted and given a chance, rather than being discarded. I don’t know if this would change anyone’s position on IVF, or the CHurch’s position.
 
tm21 said:
As Catholic, you are obliged, in as charitable a way as possible, to explain to the parents why IVF is against the moral law. Before doing this, I would study carefully exactly what the Church teaches. There is absolutely no guilt whatsoever on the child. If you say nothing, then your lack of fortitude may lead the couple to continue to sin in ignorance, in which case you may yourself be culpable.
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Why? I mean, if you have reason to believe that the couple is attempting to live out the Catholic faith but are just misinformed, then by all means, go for it.

But if you’re talking to someone who has either never been Catholic, or who was raised Catholic but no longer believes what the church teaches, why would you approach someone like that? If you’re really concerned, why not start with the issue of faith, rather than telling them that they should live out their lives according to a religion that they don’t believe? Because quite frankly, the latter won’t work.

And I can promise you that if someone thought that it was appropriate to approach religion with me by saying that my pregnancy shouldn’t have happened or that my child shouldn’t exist-I would no longer have a relationship with that person, and they would never see my child.
 
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