Do I have an obligation to get son to confession?

[theamari55]

I have reason to believe my 15 year old son has committed mortal sin, although he denies it. Here’s what I know: he saved sexually explicit text messages on his cell phone, he had a condom in his backpack, and he was secretly meeting a 14 year old girl at a park. He has not received communion for at least the past two Sundays, and he doesn’t participate in the prayers at Mass or even grace before meals. The last time we took him to confession, he was the last in line and I’m not sure he even went in the confessional. I can understand him not wanting to tell me what he’s done, and I would never ask for details, but he needs to confess to a priest. I don’t know, however, if he’s ready to give up the sin or the intention to sin. (We’re making sure he doesn’t have a chance to meet the girl secretly any more and monitoring his cell phone use.) Should we insist that he go to confession?

 

[Liberanosamalo]

As a parent of teens, I understand your motives and what you are trying to do. You cannot force contrition. You cannot make someone not want to sin and avoid the near occasion of sin. You can bring the child to church, but you can’t force them to go.

Perhaps leaving a book on hell around might make your son think about the long-term implications of what his choices are. It might even be true that a forced and impenitent confession isn’t even valid and the absolution cannot be given if the person doesn’t intend to give up the sin.

Being a parent of teens isn’t for the weak of heart.

Pray for your son to see the truth and act on it. Lead by example. And pray some more.

Whatever he’s doing now, he does not see it as an injustice to the girl he eventually will love enough to want to marry. Someday there may be a beautiful young woman who loves him and will cry when she finds out he didn’t wait for her the way she waited for him. And it may cause relationship problems for him in the future. A smart girl knows that someone who does not practice self control when you’re around won’t practice self control when you’re not around.

 

[Provigil]

I have reason to believe my 15 year old son has committed mortal sin, although he denies it. Here’s what I know: he saved sexually explicit text messages on his cell phone, he had a condom in his backpack, and he was secretly meeting a 14 year old girl at a park. He has not received communion for at least the past two Sundays, and he doesn’t participate in the prayers at Mass or even grace before meals. The last time we took him to confession, he was the last in line and I’m not sure he even went in the confessional. I can understand him not wanting to tell me what he’s done, and I would never ask for details, but he needs to confess to a priest. I don’t know, however, if he’s ready to give up the sin or the intention to sin. (We’re making sure he doesn’t have a chance to meet the girl secretly any more and monitoring his cell phone use.) Should we insist that he go to confession?

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You can ask him if wants to go to Confession, but my forcing him, he is going to resist it. It is something he has to do on his own. Being 14, I am sure he knows what is right and wrong. I would wait awhile because to be honest with you, if you force him, how do you know if he is going to confess what you have doubts about, If he does go to Communion, you could mention that is he thnks he has committed a mortal sin sin that he needs to go to confession first. I know how difficult it is to deal with teenagers.
May the Holy Spirit gide him in his decision, you did your best.

PROVIGIL, PhD

 

[Liberanosamalo]

All I can say is what others have said to me. Christ’s words on the cross were begging God to forgive the people who “didn’t know what they were doing.”

Throw your child on the mercy of God. He’s young, ignorant, and in some ways may not really know the seriousness of what he is doing. Ask a teen why they do some things and they can’t even give you an answer.

Simply asking him quietly if he died in a car accident tonight, what would become of his immortal soul? Is he willing to risk having to stand in front of God for a final accounting for all eternity if he were to die right now?

Ask the question and then leave the room. Let him sit alone with your words and think about it.

And if you live near a church or he has a bike, you don’t know that he hasn’t found a way to get to confession on his own.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

All I can say is what others have said to me. Christ’s words on the cross were begging God to forgive the people who “didn’t know what they were doing.”

Throw your child on the mercy of God. He’s young, ignorant, and in some ways may not really know the seriousness of what he is doing. Ask a teen why they do some things and they can’t even give you an answer.

And it could be something as simple as “all my friends are doing it…”

Simply asking him quietly if he died in a car accident tonight, what would become of his immortal soul? Is he willing to risk having to stand in front of God for a final accounting for all eternity if he were to die right now?

Ask the question and then leave the room. Let him sit alone with your words and think about it.

And if you live near a church or he has a bike, you don’t know that he hasn’t found a way to get to confession on his own.

I this is all good advice. You can’t force him to go and even if you did, he has to have some level of contrition and intend to avoid sins in the future.

 

[PJM]

=theamari55;5304955]I have reason to believe my 15 year old son has committed mortal sin, although he denies it. Here’s what I know: he saved sexually explicit text messages on his cell phone, he had a condom in his backpack, and he was secretly meeting a 14 year old girl at a park. He has not received communion for at least the past two Sundays, and he doesn’t participate in the prayers at Mass or even grace before meals. The last time we took him to confession, he was the last in line and I’m not sure he even went in the confessional. I can understand him not wanting to tell me what he’s done, and I would never ask for details, but he needs to confess to a priest. I don’t know, however, if he’s ready to give up the sin or the intention to sin. (We’re making sure he doesn’t have a chance to meet the girl secretly any more and monitoring his cell phone use.) Should we insist that he go to confession?

The short answer is YES!

BUT the complete answer is “yes but.”

You should strongly encourage him to do to Confession, and lead by personal example.

He is well above the age of reason, and able to make this decision for himself.

You dad and him ought to have a “frank and candid” discussion of matters of faith and morals. Risk and penalities. This discussion should not be optional. If you are unwilling or unable to do this see if you can set up a meeting for you’re priest to do it, making him aware of you’re concerns and your sons attitude B4 hand.

Keep in mind that peer pressure at this age often supercedes parents views, religious up bringing, and even common sense.

You may not be able to alter his doings, BUT he needs to know that what he is doing is seriously wrong, and very serious consequences are possible.

Do a lot of praying,

 

[Sr_Sally]

You cannot of course make him go to confession, but you can make sure he has plenty of opportunities to get there.

You also need to discuss what you know with him and discuss how dangerous his actions have been–both to him and the girl, to their physical bodies and their immortal souls.

As a family we go to confession once a month. The kids don’t have to go in, but they do have to come into the church with us. We also will give them time for an examination of conscience beforehand. Our parish has little booklets on this or you can find many different versions on the computer.

At 14, even though he is still a child, he’s above the age of reason and plenty old enough to consider the ‘four last things’–death, judgment, heaven, and hell.

 

[theamari55]

So the answer is “no”? I have offered to take him to confession, but he claims he doesn’t need to go. Should I continue to offer to take him on the days it’s available, or just leave him alone about it? I have also wondered if he would rather go to a different priest who doesn’t know our family, but with him denying everything it’s impossible to ask him that.

 

[rayne89]

Well then why don’t you pick a day to go to confession at a different parish and ask if he would like to come. Other than that lead by example, make sure dad is taking the lead in discussing morality with your son and pray. You can not make your son go to confession, that is something he must choose.

 

[Seatuck]

So the answer is “no”? I have offered to take him to confession, but he claims he doesn’t need to go. Should I continue to offer to take him on the days it’s available, or just leave him alone about it? I have also wondered if he would rather go to a different priest who doesn’t know our family, but with him denying everything it’s impossible to ask him that.

Have you gotten him some chastity materials such as those by the Pure Love Club or Theology of the Body for Teens ? Perhaps he doesn’t know this was a mortal sin.Or perhaps he needs a deeper understanding of why this activity was a mortal sin. I like the idea of offering to take him to a different parish to a priest he doesn’t know. Maybe he doesn’t believe that the priest will keep his sin a secret.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Not having a 14yo son yet, I’m not the best source here. But I’ve always liked the idea of regularly taking the entire family to confession because “that’s what we’re doing today.” It’s not the time to pressure him to enter the confessional, but sitting there in the pew while you go in can just be a family thing. Also, you could tell him it is an opportunity to sit in the presence of Jesus in the tabernacle and pray about whatever might be on his mind. Maybe he’ll talk to Jesus about how much him parents bug him , but at least he’ll be talking. Any increased closeness with Jesus is a step in the right direction, whether or not it starts with him being sorry for that particular sin.