Do I have sufficient sorrow to go to Confession?

[LotusCarsLtd]

This happens to me so often that after awhile I start to question if I truly have sorrow or not and I want to make a good Confession, not a bad one.

I was tempted today to sin and said Hail Marys to keep the temptation at bay. I fought it at first with the Hail Marys but after awhile I lost interest in wanting to refrain from sin and decided to “go for it”. I felt bad while sinning and felt that weight in my chest afterwards and want to go right now to Confession. The problem is that I don’t feel much sorrow and don’t know if my Confession would even be valid if I were to go. I do want to go if I have sorrow, of course. But it feels that if I went to Confession right now (after going Friday) it would be far too hasty (even though I have plenty of time to go today). And given that I didn’t put-up much of a fight also makes me question my sorrow and if the promises I made in Confession Friday (about stopping sin) were even valid.

On a related note: I think that my desire to “just do it” was the result of a weak will (despite my desire to want to stop sinning) and not something else like a blatant disregard towards ever wanting to stop sinning. I want to stop but keep failing either through being beaten-down by temptation or through a lack of interest on my part in fighting sin the moment the temptation comes around. I otherwise want to stop sinning and beat this bad habit of mine.

 

[EmeraldWings]

the “sorrow” sufficient for confession is not necessarily a feeling, although it can be and it is good when it shows how badly we feel for offending God,
but the sorrow the church is referring to for confession is regret,
if you regret what you did and are sorry for offending God and you want to repent, then that is sufficient.

does that help?

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

if you regret what you did and are sorry for offending God and you want to repent, then that is sufficient.

If by regret you mean “wish I didn’t do it” then yes, definitely. As for being sorry for offending God, I’m not sure since that hasn’t come to mind personally. I do want to stop this behavior once and for all.

does that help?

Yes, somewhat.

 

[camerong]

Note: I write the following assuming that you struggle with impurity, and are an adult (or at least are a very mature adolescent). If neither of these are true, disregard some of what you find below, because it may be too harsh.

You weren’t clear what your sin was, but I think we can all guess. If this is correct, and you don’t feel sorrow, I think what you need is to learn more about it. Check out this article on the what’s wrong with it. Definitely ask your confessor to explain to you why it is so wrong. You need to understand that the Church has declared this to be a grave sin, and if you believe the Church to teach the truth about things like Eucharist and confession, you must believe it about things like this.

Now, regarding confession. You cannot control your feelings; the issue is whether you desire to stop the sin or not. It sounds like you desire to stop the sin. I would go and tell the priest that you don’t feel sorrow for the sin. He can address those thoughts. But either way, skipping confession of a grave sin is NOT the answer.

It is NEVER hasty to go to confession if you fear you may have committed a grave sin. Going every day is not too often if you are in a battle with what could be a mortal sin on your soul.

As a final note: you’re fighting this sin, but you say you are not succeeding, and I think you may need a new strategy. I think the only way this sin is overcome is by resolving to never do it again. People approach this like they would quitting smoking, or eating healthier, and try to gradually make the change. It is nothing like these things–gradually getting better will never get you anywhere. Firmly resolve to sooner choose death than failing to this sin again. After you have gone some time free of it, tell yourself you can’t fail now or your streak will be broken. Two weeks free of this sin may be the most difficult thing you’ve ever done. But at that point, its imperative that you do NOT think “I’ve gone two weeks, I can’t possibly be expected to go any longer” or “I’ve gone two weeks, I deserve a bit of a break now.”

Good luck, you will be in my prayers.

 

[EmeraldWings]

If by regret you mean “wish I didn’t do it” then yes, definitely. As for being sorry for offending God, I’m not sure since that hasn’t come to mind personally. I do want to stop this behavior once and for all.

the regret is sufficient, although having perfect contrition is better, but having imperfect contrition is acceptable as well,
perfect contrition is being sorry for offending God, imperfect contrition is being sorry because you wish to avoid hell,

there must be a motive for you not wanting to sin anymore right?
what is your motive?

do not worry either way though, Jesus is pleased simply with you seeking His mercy and forgiveness, He loves you so much and wishes passionately to forgive you,

sometimes, even when our mind is not in the right place, our heart is, and your heart is in the right place, it is seeking God, seeking His love, seeking to know and serve Him, even if it’s only little by little, but that is ok, that is how God works with us, He is very patient with us in our sins and faults, and we likewise must be patient with ourselves,

when you fall into these temptations, don’t just pray for help, remove yourself from the temptation, go where there are people, or go out for a walk, or even go to the nearest Catholic church, do what it takes,

and if this is the sin i think it is(as camerong suspected as well) then i would recommend taking up the devotion of 3 Hail Mary’s in the morning and at night for the intentions of purity and holiness,
and just try and keep up a good prayer regimen, and if possible, go to adoration, and just spend some alone time with God each day.
reading the lives of the saints is also a big help, or other books such as The Imitation of Christ, or Divine Intimacy,
spiritual reading is very closely as important as praying,
and then mortification, fasting, and penances are a great help against sins of impurity and all other sins to,
if you’re interested, here are some helpful articles on mortification and penances -
gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=13047443
gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=12961409
gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=12961507

well, i’m not sure if that helps any better, but if you have anymore questions, please ask.

 

[BobObob]

This happens to me so often that after awhile I start to question if I truly have sorrow or not and I want to make a good Confession, not a bad one.

I was tempted today to sin and said Hail Marys to keep the temptation at bay. I fought it at first with the Hail Marys but after awhile I lost interest in wanting to refrain from sin and decided to “go for it”. I felt bad while sinning and felt that weight in my chest afterwards and want to go right now to Confession. The problem is that I don’t feel much sorrow and don’t know if my Confession would even be valid if I were to go. I do want to go if I have sorrow, of course. But it feels that if I went to Confession right now (after going Friday) it would be far too hasty (even though I have plenty of time to go today). And given that I didn’t put-up much of a fight also makes me question my sorrow and if the promises I made in Confession Friday (about stopping sin) were even valid.

On a related note: I think that my desire to “just do it” was the result of a weak will (despite my desire to want to stop sinning) and not something else like a blatant disregard towards ever wanting to stop sinning. I want to stop but keep failing either through being beaten-down by temptation or through a lack of interest on my part in fighting sin the moment the temptation comes around. I otherwise want to stop sinning and beat this bad habit of mine.

My professor for my sacraments class (who is a priest) said to not wait until you feel like you are sorry for sin, but rather go to Confession ASAP. When you validly receive the Sacrament of Penance, your imperfect contrition (sorrow for reasons such as fear of damnation) is transformed into perfect contrition (sorrow out of love for God) by the grace of the sacrament. You cannot will yourself into perfect contrition. Perfect contrition is a gift from God.

As a mental health major (as well as a theology major), I know that the mind work by way of positive affirmation. If you keep telling yourself “Don’t do it, don’t do it,” your mind will register “Do it, do it,” and you’ll just be reinforcing the idea to do it in your mind. I recommend instead to keep your mind on other things and when the thought of this sin comes to you, avoid obsessing over avoiding the thought. EmeraldWings advice to go for a walk is good.

Let’s suppose the sin you are struggling with is impurity. If you kept obsessively thinking to yourself throughout the day that you need to avoid impurity, you are only keeping the idea of committing that sin in your mind. If, on the other hand, you kept your mind on other things, and considered only once in a while (not every day) what things you can do to orient your life more towards purity, then you will likely find it easier to live a holy, pure, and enjoyable life.

I mention this because many times in trying to avoid sin, many people end up intensifying their temptations. I have certainly done that before.

Here’s an article on thought stopping that you may find helpful:

webmd.com/mental-health/positive-thinking-stopping-unwanted-thoughts

This may not seem to have much to do with this thread, but, consider the fact that if you have a strong habit to commit this sin, you may not always be guilty of a mortal sin, which requires full consent (see the Catechism of the Catholic Church for more details). I’m speculating that you’re the type of person who is likely to be scrupulous (as am I). You may benefit from looking at the “ten commandments for the scrupulous” (mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupulosity.htm) which was a penance a priest gave me after I confessed a serious sin to him the ten billionth time.

 

[BillP]

If I were you I would bring all this to a priest to consider the idea that you might be trending towards being scrupulous.