Do I have to spend time with my relatives on Easter?

[switalabe]

Hi CAF Friends,

Do I have to spend time with my extended family on Easter? I’m single (young but adult), never married, one sister no brothers, my parents are still alive and married (their first marriage), and the relatives I do not want to spend time with are the family of my mother’s sister.

I don’t know exactly why I do not want to be around them, but saying that I don’t like them and that I don’t enjoy time spent with them would both be more or less accurate sayings. I certainly dread seeing them.

At one point in the past few months I decided to tell my mother’s aunt that I think a) our family has a division and b) this division is caused by their not being Catholic. In fact, my mother’s sister’s family is what I guess you’d call “fallen away” Catholics. At least one of them is atheist-ish and some of them joined the Unitarians.

After some reflection I decided that their being or not being Catholic maybe does not have much to do with my like or dislike of them, because I noticed that I like some non-Catholics, but I dislike some Catholics. So that seems to dispense with that theory, at least in a sense.

However, my mother’s sister family does sometimes make religiously offensive comments; I think they called Catholicism “mythology” and “mythic”. I also sometimes detect snarky comments that I think are morally offensive. Finally, my aunt sometimes holds morally offensive (from the Catholic view) positions more or less openly.

So I’d like to hear what folks have to say about this situation.

Thanks,
Ben

 

[Bill_Martin]

Well, you certainly don’t have to, considering you’re an adult.

In the interests of keeping peace though, you should weigh the pros and cons of it. Will you hurt your relationships with your other family members if everyone is together for Easter and you’re not there because you don’t like some of them? Do you want their image of Catholics to be that of people who hold personal grudges, or refuse to associate with people of other religions? Are they going to be brought closer to God without you there, or with you there? Are you failing to honor your father and mother by not joining the family for Easter, assuming they want you there?

There is no Church teaching that says we must spend Easter with our families, but it may be a good thing to do even if you don’t like it.

 

[QuasiCatholic]

No one can make you spend time with extended family, and if they upset you to the point where you can’t be civil with them then honestly it’s probably better that you don’t so everyone can have a pleasant holiday.

But honestly, they probably find comments you make about religion as a Catholic just as annoying as you find the comments they make about religion as non-Catholics. And considering that the vast majority of the world isn’t Catholic, you should probably learn how to suck it up and not let it get to you. Otherwise your pool of possible acquaintances is going to be extremely limited.

 

[Catholic1954]

Hi CAF Friends,

Do I have to spend time with my extended family on Easter? I’m single (young but adult), never married, one sister no brothers, my parents are still alive and married (their first marriage), and the relatives I do not want to spend time with are the family of my mother’s sister.

I don’t know exactly why I do not want to be around them, but saying that I don’t like them and that I don’t enjoy time spent with them would both be more or less accurate sayings. I certainly dread seeing them.

At one point in the past few months I decided to tell my mother’s aunt that I think a) our family has a division and b) this division is caused by their not being Catholic. In fact, my mother’s sister’s family is what I guess you’d call “fallen away” Catholics. At least one of them is atheist-ish and some of them joined the Unitarians.

After some reflection I decided that their being or not being Catholic maybe does not have much to do with my like or dislike of them, because I noticed that I like some non-Catholics, but I dislike some Catholics. So that seems to dispense with that theory, at least in a sense.

However, my mother’s sister family does sometimes make religiously offensive comments; I think they called Catholicism “mythology” and “mythic”. I also sometimes detect snarky comments that I think are morally offensive. Finally, my aunt sometimes holds morally offensive (from the Catholic view) positions more or less openly.

So I’d like to hear what folks have to say about this situation.

Thanks,
Ben

You shouldn’t have to go if you don’t want to. Make other plans and send your regrets. If there is no way you can avoid it, go on your own, arrive late and leave early.

 

[Sunbreak]

Since you are an adult you don’t have to go to spend time with these relatives on Easter. However, you will always find these kind of people in life wherever you go so you may as well learn how to deal with it. Plus at some point in your life the same people you don’t like may be the ones who will help you despite their own beliefs.

 

[GEddie]

As others have said, this is your call.

If you “dread” seeing them, of course you are free not to; but as our LORD said, count the costs. Avoiding them might not be worth a long-term family conflict.

Remember also that our LORD came to restore not only our human bodyhood, but all aspects of our humanness, including familial.

ICXC NIKA

 

[utah_rose]

Since you are an adult you don’t have to go to spend time with these relatives on Easter. However, you will always find these kind of people in life wherever you go so you may as well learn how to deal with it. Plus at some point in your life the same people you don’t like may be the ones who will help you despite their own beliefs.

I think everyone has relatives that upset them. Why I believe you should at least make an appearance is because of your parents, even though your mothers relatives upset you. The reason is, you have no idea how long they will live. Things like illness and accidents do occur and you never know if this will be the last final gathering. I don’t want to sound negative but my husband almost died of a fatal heart attack at 39! If you do skip it and something like this happens, you’ll never forgive yourself. And pray before. You could always stay for dinner and make a quick exit too. Remember if you do marry this will be a good practice in case she has relatives you don’t like.

 

[caitlinm]

Hey, no shame. I’m avoiding my relatives this easter. I don’t want the stress

 

[Pax2u]

Easter is a religious holiday, not a secular one. If you don’t want to spend it with your relatives, stay home and spend the day in prayer, watching EWTN, going for a walk and thanking God for His blessings…whatever.

If it’s the aunt and her family that is the biggest issue for you, why not invite your parents over to your place for Easter dinner or dessert later in the day?

 

[Allegra]

I was never raised with the idea that “not liking” family members was a viable option. Sometimes, one does encounter a family member who is so toxic that it is in your best interest to avoid them. This doesn’t sound like one of those occasions. This sounds more like a “they annoy me” thing, unless you are understating the comments they are actually making. It seems a little bit immature to me to let a few such comments from a couple relatives make you actually dread spending your whole family. Still, if that’s how you feel, you probably shouldn’t go. It sounds like a lonely way to spend Easter though.

 

[Blue_Goose]

You shouldn’t have to go if you don’t want to. Make other plans and send your regrets. If there is no way you can avoid it, go on your own, arrive late and leave early.

Great response. I think this is an excellent strategy.

 

[retire_early]

Hey, Ben…I’m sympathetic to your situation. I have a a number of family relations who make anti-Catholic comments and / or are fall-aways who always seem to want to throw in a dig against the Church whenever an opportunity arises. Its irritating, but also, depressing. Who wants to be depressed at a holiday gathering?

But I think maybe you have something else going on that is not exactly identified in your post. That is, you may feel like you really do want to celebrate Easter as a Catholic and that means surrounding yourself with like-minded people who will say positive things about Our Lord and our faith. You want to feel good about Easter! And, celebrate the real meaning! For that reason, my suggestion would be to do like the other poster said: have a separate meal or dessert with your parents and others who love Jesus and want to celebrate this Holy Day. If your mother would feel too bad that you don’t show up to the all-family gathering, share your feelings, but then go (to make her feel happy). Don’t stay long.

Another suggestion, which you can take or leave, is to think about showing some extra love to those you don’t like because of their anti-Catholicism. Maybe organize some non-religious holiday bar-b-que or get-together where religion doesn’t need to come up as a topic of conversation and use this as “family time” instead of meeting with them at Easter.

Are there people your own age at school or church that would like to celebrate Easter together and don’t have any family around? Maybe seek those out and start your own tradition. Even if its just another guy, maybe Mass, then some basketball at the gym and a nice brunch out.