Do I invite trouble? What am I doing wrong?

[jules11]

I’m just starting to wonder if there is something about me that invites trouble or is it the way I deal with it? Is it maybe that other people would just let these kind of things go and I am too highly strung? I just don’t know what it is!
I have posted about my nephew and all the stress I have there and these last few days I have been dealing with some abusive emails my daughter was sent. It was online bullying perpetrated by a so called friend and another boy from an adjoining school. They wrote the most disgusting and vulgar things about my daughter who didn’t even know they felt that way. I contacted both schools and also the police. That took up most of my work day on Thursday as I drove to both schools to give them copies of the emails.These emails were sent to about 20 of their mutual friends and also my daughter. She was on a retreat with her year level and although the other girl was the one in the wrong, everyone was blaming my D because the other girl was upset.
(My D did not retaliate, did not answer the emails, did not do anything to deserve this. She is a beautiful girl who tries to emulate Christ in all these situations. She told me that everyone was against her and the only thing that kept her going was knowing that Jesus went through this but a million times worse.)

Then after the week from hell, I come home to a bill for $750.00 that my brother had sent me for some work he did for me 6 months ago. There was NO agreement to pay any money. He
had done it out of kindness, or so I thought. He offered to do it.
If he had quoted me in the beginning this much, I would have said,'don’t worry about it ‘cause I can’t afford that much.’
And now, because he overheard a conversation that I had with my mother that I am going away for 2 days for my birthday next week, he has decided to bill me for the work.
I haven’t even had ONE day away in the last 2 years, not a break at all!
I was absolutely shocked! This is my brother! It’s only him and his wife who both work, and have a magnificent house, compared to me with 5 children and one income!
This was almost the last straw for me! One stress after another. And it never ends!

 

[porkscratchings]

Methinks u r a nice person, which is why people try to take advantage.

If the above happened to me…

1. the emails - u’ve done the right thing with going to the school and the police. Keep up the pressure on the school/police to sort those bullies out. No one’s son/daughter should have to put up with this kind of bullying.
2. the brother - tell the brother to get lost. Since he’d offered to do the job for free, and didn’t mention charging u, he has no right to try and hit u for cash. That’s just plain dishonest. If he keeps bothering u, I’d suggest telling the police he’s trying to extort money out of u (which he is doing, by the way).

 

[the_phoenix]

Too bad for your brother that he didn’t get anything in writing …

And though it’s early, please allow me to wish you a very Happy Birthday!

~~ the phoenix

 

[jules11]

Methinks u r a nice person, which is why people try to take advantage.

If the above happened to me…

1. the emails - u’ve done the right thing with going to the school and the police. Keep up the pressure on the school/police to sort those bullies out. No one’s son/daughter should have to put up with this kind of bullying.
2. the brother - tell the brother to get lost. Since he’d offered to do the job for free, and didn’t mention charging u, he has no right to try and hit u for cash. That’s just plain dishonest. If he keeps bothering u, I’d suggest telling the police he’s trying to extort money out of u (which he is doing, by the way).

Thank you for this. I thought I was going mad!
The thing is with my Bro, he borrowed $7000.00 from my sister 2 years ago and hasn’t paid a cent of it back yet he has the gall to ask me for this? When there was NO understanding that there would be money involved. I can’t tell you how mad I was about it!
Oh well, my husband laughed about it. Thought it was hilariously funny. I didn’t though. My brother witnessed me at almost breaking point at my mother’s last week then he does this? It’s plain nasty.

 

[jules11]

Too bad for your brother that he didn’t get anything in writing …

And though it’s early, please allow me to wish you a very Happy Birthday!

~~ the phoenix

Thank you phoenix! After the year I’ve had, I hope I do too!

 

[Godfollower]

Thank you for this. I thought I was going mad!
The thing is with my Bro, he borrowed $7000.00 from my sister 2 years ago and hasn’t paid a cent of it back yet he has the gall to ask me for this? When there was NO understanding that there would be money involved. I can’t tell you how mad I was about it!
Oh well, my husband laughed about it. Thought it was hilariously funny. I didn’t though. My brother witnessed me at almost breaking point at my mother’s last week then he does this? It’s plain nasty.

Offer to pay it to your sister on his behalf.

 

[Brenda_V]

Thank you for this. I thought I was going mad!
The thing is with my Bro, he borrowed $7000.00 from my sister 2 years ago and hasn’t paid a cent of it back yet he has the gall to ask me for this? When there was NO understanding that there would be money involved. I can’t tell you how mad I was about it!
Oh well, my husband laughed about it. Thought it was hilariously funny. I didn’t though. My brother witnessed me at almost breaking point at my mother’s last week then he does this? It’s plain nasty.

Offer to pay it to your sister on his behalf.

That is what I was going to say:thumbsup:.

Brenda V.

 

[apologist]

You poor thing. You ARE NOT inviting trouble. I have been through something similar with regard to the internet difficulty with your daughter. I, too, called the police but they could not trace the perpetrator…Why? I don’t know. It’s a cruel world and I believe that the better Catholics/Chrisitans we are trying to be, th more we are attacked by the evil one in various ways. I will pray for you to have strength. God bless.

 

[BlestOne]

Jules!!! How could anyone do that to your beautiful daughter (is this my future DIL?) Incredibly, something similar happened to my dd too last year, only it was on a website and involved a death threat. I not only contacted the police, but I called the girls mom too. I left a message on her answering machine and I am betting mom never got the message. But the next day, the website was gone… I think I scared the girl because I found out her last name and phone #. Funny thing was, this girl never met my daughter, but funny, her next door neighbor used to be best friends with my daughter and they had had a falling out a few months earlier.

About your brother… be honest and blunt. Tell him you understood that there would be no charge. If he had wanted to be paid he should have told you much sooner and you would have budgeted for it. Or… tell him he will get paid after he pays your sister…let her in on it, she may even pay the $750 if she finally gets the $7000 from him.

 

[hasikelee]

Ohh I got my fair share of online bullying and stalking. Be sure to print out everything, get all IP addresses, try to get any real or confirmed people with addresses, names, etc. If anything goes over state lines, then you can get the FBI involved as well.

With a clearly posted cease and desist, you’ll have more leverage in resolving the case through the legal system as well.

Have you notified all of the parents?

One thing I noticed is that people tend to hide these things…e.g. delete emails, ignore the person, try to shush everything. Screaming it from the rooftops is what will get the perpetrator out in the open.

 

[jules11]

BlestOne;2440284]Jules!!! How could anyone do that to your beautiful daughter (is this my future DIL?)

Ha Ha, no this is my other beautiful daughter, she wouldn’t hurt a fly! She was just sticking up for a friend and then got this!
She was called a ‘Demonic, lying, slt, whre’ and stuff like that…and there’s worse.
She has been absolutely incredible through it. She was hurt but did not retaliate. Almost ALL of her friends have turned against her, even her best friend is now not returning her messages. And do you know what she says? ‘Jesus went through so much worse.’
I tell her that it’s part of the cross. We have to endure these things and it’s a privilege to have a share in His cross (I should listen to my own advice eh?)
And she agrees with me! She is just an amazing and wonderfully deep and spiritual girl! I am so proud of her. She has had nothing but charity, no anger and no thoughts of revenge. Except I believe in justice and will still be taking this to the police.

Incredibly, something similar happened to my dd too last year, only it was on a website and involved a death threat. I not only contacted the police, but I called the girls mom too. I left a message on her answering machine and I am betting mom never got the message. But the next day, the website was gone… I think I scared the girl because I found out her last name and phone #. Funny thing was, this girl never met my daughter, but funny, her next door neighbor used to be best friends with my daughter and they had had a falling out a few months earlier.

Isn’t this amazing? Why do such young kids have so much hatred? I could NOT imagine any of my kids doing anything like this! And if they did, they would get what was deserved, from me and the police!

About your brother… be honest and blunt. Tell him you understood that there would be no charge. If he had wanted to be paid he should have told you much sooner and you would have budgeted for it. Or… tell him he will get paid after he pays your sister…let her in on it, she may even pay the $750 if she finally gets the $7000 from him.

I have calmed down since my initial reaction to his bill but I am not going to pay it. He owes money left right and centre and does not pay but this is just plain nastiness. I am sure his wife, (who really liked me and I got along well with) was the one that typed the bill, as my brother is not one who could set out a letter that lined up the address for a window envelope.
So I don’t know what has gotten into them but sometimes I think he has a screw loose. To think I would just pay it! He has got to be joking!
My other brother, who is so charitable and kind, tried to get me to give him the benefit of the doubt when i was ready to send him a very blunt letter and his bill ripped into little pieces! I have decided against that approach now! O how I wish I was more charitable! I would never get so mad at these people!
Thanks BlestOne!

 

[jules11]

hasikelee;2440314]Ohh I got my fair share of online bullying and stalking. Be sure to print out everything, get all IP addresses, try to get any real or confirmed people with addresses, names, etc. If anything goes over state lines, then you can get the FBI involved as well.

I have the emails printed out and I will be taking them to the police tomorrow.

With a clearly posted cease and desist, you’ll have more leverage in resolving the case through the legal system as well.

What does this mean? Have not heard of this. I am in Australia so things may be different here.

Have you notified all of the parents?

I don’t know the parents to contact them but both schools have notified them. The police man I spoke to on the phone said if the parents had any brains they would take away all internet access but what do you think happened? That very night that this all blew up,they were both on the internet on MSN and still sending her emails, not abusive ones but STILL!!! Will they EVER learn??? It seems like it’s all a joke to them!

One thing I noticed is that people tend to hide these things…e.g. delete emails, ignore the person, try to shush everything. Screaming it from the rooftops is what will get the perpetrator out in the open.

I fully agree with you there! This is my main motivation for taking it further. If they learn early that they can’t do this kind of stuff then it may save them from getting into worse trouble later on. But they haven’t learnt a thing so far. Even after with the threat of police involvement they are still underhandedly emailing to upset her. She cannot block them on email.
Her friends think she is taking the whole thing too far. They are rallying around the girl that did it and getting angry at my daughter because I’m taking this further. I am so upset for her. She is dealing with it in an heroic way. Thankyou for your response hasikelee.

 

[hasikelee]

I have the emails printed out and I will be taking them to the police tomorrow.

What does this mean? Have not heard of this. I am in Australia so things may be different here.

I don’t know the parents to contact them but both schools have notified them. The police man I spoke to on the phone said if the parents had any brains they would take away all internet access but what do you think happened? That very night that this all blew up,they were both on the internet on MSN and still sending her emails, not abusive ones but STILL!!! Will they EVER learn??? It seems like it’s all a joke to them!

I fully agree with you there! This is my main motivation for taking it further. If they learn early that they can’t do this kind of stuff then it may save them from getting into worse trouble later on. But they haven’t learnt a thing so far. Even after with the threat of police involvement they are still underhandedly emailing to upset her. She cannot block them on email.
Her friends think she is taking the whole thing too far. They are rallying around the girl that did it and getting angry at my daughter because I’m taking this further. I am so upset for her. She is dealing with it in an heroic way. Thankyou for your response hasikelee.

Oh, I am unfamiliar with the laws in Australia, but I do know that my advisor recommended a “cease and desist” proclamation so that I could better prosecute. This meant any contact from any person involved had to be met by me with a clear statement to cease and desist any further activity.

For example, you mention that on that very evening, those involved were online emailing through MSN. With a clear cease and desist, if they had continued the activity you could prosecute as harassment.