Do I need to confess for a past habit?

[Matthias87]

Dear Hopeforfaith,

In reading your posts in this thread, a few thoughts come to mind - perhaps because I have found myself in a situation very similar to your own.

For one, distinguish between merely HAVING an impure thought (either completely involuntarily, or because you started on a train of thought that lead you to it), ENTERTAINING an impure thought, and the range between: the first is not sinful, or, at most, venially so, as we perhaps should have known that this train of thought would lead to THIS impure thought, say; the range between, which would involve what the Desert Fathers would have called “coupling”, or what we might call “toying with a thought”, which involves a sort of back-and-forth with the thought before fully and deliberately deciding to either do what we can to get rid of it, or to entertain it; entertaining such a thought, if it be FULLY DELIBERATE (done with full freedom of will - that is, a will not hampered by a previously acquired vicious habit)) and done with FULL KNOWLEDGE (you know it’s seriously wrong, or you know you could find out but don’t care to), involves holding onto a thought, enjoying it, taking deliberate pleasure in it, or fully deliberately allowing the thought and the attendant pleasure for no good reason (like doing moral theology, or trying to figure out such things as you are currently and in a sincere way) is where the serious sin lies: it sounds to me like the conditions for serious sin here, given what I’ve laid down, and what can be found in any good handbook of moral theology, have not been met.

Second, I think it would be very good for you to find a good priest to serve as your spiritual director, or spiritual father. For one, he could help you properly form your conscience, and determine whether or not you are suffering from a case of scrupulosity (as seems to be the case, which is not surprising, given that most men and women who have decided to tread the path of holiness, come what may and no matter how many times they’ll fall, have suffered this at some point or other). He could also determine the course of action you should take, which may in fact involve giving the care of your conscience over to him, and obeying him no matter what kinds of feelings or thoughts you then have (if he did advise you badly, which would not be the case, I’m sure, if you find one you’ve reasonably determined to be good, then it would be his sin and not yours if you obeyed him as you ought); this may be necessary, if you are to experience growth. Lastly, it would help you to find a measure of peace, as it would become very clear that you are not dealing with all of this alone; further, this would serve to illuminate the fact that you are loved, individually, by Divine Love Himself, who loves you infinitely more, and cares more about your salvation ever so much more, than a human person ever could, as a priest is finite, but God is infinite, and God is not to be outdone by a mere human.

Lastly, to help you on your way, I would suggest some reading materials. First, the following website: mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupanon.htm . It is run by Redemptorist priests who serve people like yourself - very helpful, especially the stuff about impurity. Second, the book “I Believe in Love,” by Father Jean C.J. d’Elbee. Also, “The Courage to be Chaste”, by Father Benedict J. Groeschel - he has, as far as I can tell, some good criteria you can use to determine whether or not you really entertained this or that thought. I would also strongly encourage you to read the Gospel of John, the Letters of St. John and St. Peter, and reflect on what is revealed about Divine Love, who has indeed shed His blood for YOU individually, and not just Man in general: such will better enable you to trust God, truly your very best friend, and strike a better balance in your spiritual/moral life for coming to understand why and how some sins are mortal, while others are venial, and what it actually takes to commit both.

I wish you all the best in your battle of faith; believe it or not, you clearly are striving to live the life you ought to live, and despite the fact that so many people around you are not. I will make it a point to remember you in my prayers; please remember me in yours.

Sincerely,

M.R.G.

 

[Matthias87]

Sorry for the addition, but I think it worth stating the following:

1. As far as I am aware, Tobbias88’s assertion that one may state that he has been impure in act, or committed impure acts, instead of stating that one has masturbated, is false: it is not clear enough, as one can commit impure acts both with oneself and with others (and the latter itself admits of a variety of key circumstances). What one could do, as far as I am aware, is state: I have been impure in deed, or committed impure physical acts (as a the entertaining of an impure thought is also an act, technically) with myself X number of times, or it was a habit and approximately so many times per day, or whatever. It is true, as far as I’m aware, that some priests would let it slide when young teenagers and/or children confess as Tobias88 suggested, having good reason to think it really means the morally illicit act you’ve mentioned; but I’m really not sure if this is such a good course of action on their part, as even young teenagers can get into the worst sort of mischief, though I’m open to correction here.
2. While it sounds to me that you did in fact lack knowledge regarding the gravity, at least, of the act in question, thus rendering it non-formally grave (venial), the bit you mentioned about having discovered something or other that discussed how and why the act in question is gravely disordered (matter for mortal sin) and rejecting it is, at least, interesting - the question to be asked is whether or not you followed what you sincerely thought to be good and right here, or if you were somehow trying to excuse your actions; if it’s not clear to you which it was, and after a reasonable period of self-reflection, then discussing this in confession/spiritual direction would be a very good idea, as the priest could help you determine whether or not all of your confessions thereafter were good or bad. I’m assuming that, by now, you’ve already made the confession you stated you’d make in the above comments, and that it was more than likely a good one, given what I’ve read here; however, it may still be a good idea (and not because it seems that you’ve probably made a bad confession) to discuss everything you mentioned here (your reasoning and such) with a good priest whom you’ve decide to select as a spiritual director/father, who would then be in a better position to give you the kind of moral/spiritual guidance you both need and deserve than any of us here are, and for reasons I’ve stated above.
3. Unfortunately, most people do not receive the kind of moral/intellectual/spiritual formation they need anymore - it appears that you were one of them, though, by the grace of God, you’ve been called forth to perfection. What this means is that, while a lot of kids anymore are doing things that are materially grave (objectively grave, the kind of the thing that, if you did it with full freedom and knowledge, would be mortal), they probably aren’t committing mortal sin, but venial sin, for lack of knowledge (and, eventually, by virtue of the vicious habituation that results, freedom). Like I said, it seemed that you MAY have been one of these. But, of course, this does not remove our responsibility to strive to properly form our consciences and act well, as you very clearly are trying to do.

In pace Domini,

M.R.G.

 

[Vico]

… I’m going to a collective reconciliation tomorrow, so does that solve the problem? …

If a sin is mortal then it must be confessed if not confessed yet, even if it was forgotten, and even if absolved in collective reconciliation. With general absolution one is still to have an individual confession. This allows the priest to give a proper penance and help that is needed.

 

[Matthias87]

Hopeforfaith,

This morning, I had occasion to think about your latest posts again. Here are my thoughts. First, you may want to discuss this promise of yours with either the priest you select as your spiritual director/father, or the priest with whom you go to confession next: perhaps you’ve made a promise you really cannot keep, and thus aren’t bound to it: for one, we just don’t have full control of our imaginations, and so we will have impure thoughts (sometimes more than others); what ultimately matters is what we DO with the thoughts that enter our mind (of course, if one were to DELIBERATELY conjure up a thought in order to experience pleasure/arousal, then we do indeed have a problem, but this does not sound like something that’s going on in your case). Second, physical arousal is a natural response to thoughts of a sexual nature, as it is to certain sights and sounds; what matters is whether you 1) entertained the impure thought, and 2) whether or not you really wanted the attendant arousal, either deliberately encouraging it or fully permitting it for no good reason. In the end though, it would be best for you to discuss everything with a good priest.

Kind regards,

M.R.G.

 

[Joan_M]

HopeforFaith,

A promise to God is totally different from a vow. Only vows are fully binding and should not be made without the permission of a good priest who knows you. Remember, when we go to confession one of the requirements for a valid confession is “a firm purpose of amendment” - that means that we have made a resolution to stop committing sins. Making a promise to God not to sin again can be just that resolution. But, when you make such resolution, never think that you can do this on your own strength (or weakness)! Ask humbly for God’s grace. Without it you can do nothing. With it you can do great things.

Now, we can be very sincere in making this resolution, but we are also weak, fragile creatures, and it is quite likely that we will fail in our resolutions. That is not a problem. We must try our hardest to avoid sin, but when we do sin again, we must make sure to run to confession and make yet another resolution to avoid sin from then on. This is likely to continue all our life. Falling into sin does not make us fail. Failing to rise (through confession) is what makes us fail.