R
rosesareroses
Guest
I have the opportunity to go to confession this afternoon. Now, there are two sins that I’ve committed but confessed that I can’t seem to get out of my head.
The first one is wishing someone would go to hell. I was a very sheltered child and when I was in junior high I overheard another student say “I hope you go to hell” to another student who was bothering them. There was a lot of anger in her voice and I was very shocked that this was something someone could feel or say. I knew that wishing someone to hell was not something we were supposed to do. I’m not sure how much longer it was after that, but I ended up feeling the same way for a different student. He was always picking on me and making me angry, and I knew hell was a place that had no love and at the time I was so frustrated with him I didn’t want to him to feel any love. I feel sick thinking about it even though it was around ten years ago. I knew it was wrong but I still was so angry. Naturally, I don’t want this person to go to hell and I’ve told God how sorry I am that I wanted someone that He loves and created and died for to not be with him for eternity in Heaven.
The second one was a bit more recent. This one makes me feel sick too. I don’t really know how to explain it, but after the shooting at the gay nightclub in Orlando, I felt just this little jolt of… relief or happiness? at the fact that it happened at a gay club. Not because I hate gay peoplen or want them to suffer, but it’s so prevalent in the media and society nowadays that gays are good and Christians are bad that it made me happy that something bad had happened to them. It wasn’t a conscious decision to feel/think this way by any means. Once I realized what I was feeling I corrected my way of thinking and said prayers for the poor victims of the shooting.
Both of these things I’ve confessed, and I know you’re not supposed to doubt God’s forgiveness, but I wasn’t specific when I confessed. I just told the priest “I wished harm on other people” or “I wish bad things would happen to others”. Should I confess again, but be specific this time? I was so ashamed of these sins even though I know the priest WANTS to hear these kinds of things so we can receive full forgiveness.
Another thing, since remembering these sins I have received the Holy Eucharist. These sins have been on my mind for maybe a week and a half to two weeks and I received Communion both at Sunday Mass and the Assumption of Mary Mass. I know receiving Communion in a state of mortal sin is a mortal sin in itself (I used to struggle with masturbation and pornography, which by the Grace of God I no longer struggle with, but I was taking Communion throughout the whole ordeal even though I knew it was wrong. I’ve since confessed this.) If these things have been properly confessed, should I still confess receiving Communion when I’m in doubt? Also, I could have gone to confession for this last week, but I kept going back and forth between “I’ve already confessed these sins, I’ve been forgiven” and “I didn’t confess these sins specifically enough, and I need to go again”.
Thank you for taking time out of your day to help me out! God Bless y’all!
The first one is wishing someone would go to hell. I was a very sheltered child and when I was in junior high I overheard another student say “I hope you go to hell” to another student who was bothering them. There was a lot of anger in her voice and I was very shocked that this was something someone could feel or say. I knew that wishing someone to hell was not something we were supposed to do. I’m not sure how much longer it was after that, but I ended up feeling the same way for a different student. He was always picking on me and making me angry, and I knew hell was a place that had no love and at the time I was so frustrated with him I didn’t want to him to feel any love. I feel sick thinking about it even though it was around ten years ago. I knew it was wrong but I still was so angry. Naturally, I don’t want this person to go to hell and I’ve told God how sorry I am that I wanted someone that He loves and created and died for to not be with him for eternity in Heaven.
The second one was a bit more recent. This one makes me feel sick too. I don’t really know how to explain it, but after the shooting at the gay nightclub in Orlando, I felt just this little jolt of… relief or happiness? at the fact that it happened at a gay club. Not because I hate gay peoplen or want them to suffer, but it’s so prevalent in the media and society nowadays that gays are good and Christians are bad that it made me happy that something bad had happened to them. It wasn’t a conscious decision to feel/think this way by any means. Once I realized what I was feeling I corrected my way of thinking and said prayers for the poor victims of the shooting.
Both of these things I’ve confessed, and I know you’re not supposed to doubt God’s forgiveness, but I wasn’t specific when I confessed. I just told the priest “I wished harm on other people” or “I wish bad things would happen to others”. Should I confess again, but be specific this time? I was so ashamed of these sins even though I know the priest WANTS to hear these kinds of things so we can receive full forgiveness.
Another thing, since remembering these sins I have received the Holy Eucharist. These sins have been on my mind for maybe a week and a half to two weeks and I received Communion both at Sunday Mass and the Assumption of Mary Mass. I know receiving Communion in a state of mortal sin is a mortal sin in itself (I used to struggle with masturbation and pornography, which by the Grace of God I no longer struggle with, but I was taking Communion throughout the whole ordeal even though I knew it was wrong. I’ve since confessed this.) If these things have been properly confessed, should I still confess receiving Communion when I’m in doubt? Also, I could have gone to confession for this last week, but I kept going back and forth between “I’ve already confessed these sins, I’ve been forgiven” and “I didn’t confess these sins specifically enough, and I need to go again”.
Thank you for taking time out of your day to help me out! God Bless y’all!