Do I speak up or not?

[DoxieMama]

Hi all! My last 2 posts have involved in-law issues, and I want advice. A little background, my husband has a mother and 2 younger sisters. I feel like his mom always accepted me, but I do have some issues with butting heads over things while she stays with us for long periods of time. I feel like the sisters, in particular one, have never really accepted me. The ONLY reason I care is because my husband wants them in his life, so I have to continue to deal with them. But, at the same time, it kinda hurts and makes me wonder what’s wrong with me.

So, the issues I’m having is that I’ve gotten to the point where I’m finally being assertive toward them, and they’re not used to that. But, the biggest issue I’m having is probably a pride issue. I feel like I’ve been disrespected so many times throughout the years by the sisters, but I bit my tongue for my husband’s sake. I also really do hate drama, even when I feel I’m in the right.

I have felt like writing them an email and explaining all the times I felt disrespected and how I didn’t deserve it, and if they want to maintain a relationship with their brother and niece, they’ll start treating me better. But then I KNOW that would just open a huge can of worms. I’m a fairly new Catholic, and am trying so hard to ask myself what Jesus would do. He said to turn the other cheek and love our enemies.

So, do I let the past go and continue to assert myself in the future? Or do I unload all this on them?

 

[1ke]

Well, what is it you want to accomplish?

State your goal, then act accordingly.

If your goal is to torque them off, start a feud, and stir the pot-- proceed with the letter.

If your goal is to make a fresh start, establish boundaries from here forward, and move forward in a positive way-- then let it go.

If your goal is for them to go “oh my gosh, your right, we’ve been totally insensitive biotches and we’re sorry…”-- keep dreaming.

 

[Bonnie]

You nailed it, 1ke!

That was a hard lesson to learn, but I have (I think) learned it. Or perhaps I’m still learning & haven’t been tested recently.

My husband often tells me, “One should always speak the truth, but the truth needn’t always be said.”

Don’t know who said that originally, but it is the truth.

 

[underacloud]

Yep, 1ke nailed it!

 

[DoxieMama]

Well, what is it you want to accomplish?

State your goal, then act accordingly.

If your goal is to torque them off, start a feud, and stir the pot-- proceed with the letter.

If your goal is to make a fresh start, establish boundaries from here forward, and move forward in a positive way-- then let it go.

If your goal is for them to go “oh my gosh, your right, we’ve been totally insensitive biotches and we’re sorry…”-- keep dreaming.

The bolded one is the one I want. Thanks!!!