Do I tell her? When and how?

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DarkLight

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It’s been a year and I still haven’t told my parents about my conversion to Catholicism. We have been in a place where I simply said that religion was completely off the table for discussion. My mother has chosen to believe that it was because I was too anti-religion and didn’t want to hear anything about God. I never said that but she chose to believe it anyway.

I’m honestly not sure if I should even bother telling her. I’m not really lying to her, just not saying anything. I don’t want to give her the impression that the topic is open for discussion again, because I’m not interested in having that conversation.
 
Don’t bring it up. If it is a topic of contention then just dont bring it up.
 
If you want to let them know without bringing it up just leave a rosary or holy picture somewhere where they will see it. Otherwise, read the Bible in front of them.
 
McCartney said:
If you want to let them know without bringing it up just leave a rosary or holy picture somewhere where they will see it. Otherwise, read the Bible in front of them.
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My parents are conservative evangelical. I don’t want to bring it up largely because I don’t want to put up with their conversion attempts. If they see me anywhere near a Bible I’m worried it’ll bring the whole thing back up.
 
I don’t think it’s necessary to tell her, given the tensions which already exist.
 
You certainly know the dynamics off your relationship with your parents better than we do. It seems you are already are leaning towards not telling them.

I would just encourage openness to the Spirit in this regard. Don’t close yourself off to the idea of ever discussing it. Even if you think it wouldn’t be prudent right now.

My concern would be what impact waiting too long would have. “Yeah, Mom & Dad, I converted to Catholicism 20 years ago!” That might make an already contentious issue even more contentious.

Would it be possible to respectfully mention the conversion while also making very clear that you’re not interested in them trying to convert you?

At the same time, could talking about it be of benefit? Perhaps talking about these issues would plant seeds that would lead them into the fullness of the Catholic Church.

Just some things to consider. Your mileage may vary. 🙂
 
I am concerned by your definition of lying. You CAN lie by omission- by not disclosing information or by allowing another to believe something which is untrue.
CCC 2467 Man tends by nature toward the truth. He is obliged to honor and bear witness to it: "It is in accordance with their dignity that all men, because they are persons . . . are both impelled by their nature and bound by a moral obligation to seek the truth, especially religious truth. They are also bound to adhere to the truth once they come to know it and direct their whole lives in accordance with the demands of truth."261
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2468 Truth as uprightness in human action and speech is called truthfulness, sincerity, or candor. Truth or truthfulness is the virtue which consists in showing oneself true in deeds and truthful in words, and in guarding against duplicity, dissimulation, and hypocrisy.
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Why are you so afraid to declare your faith to your parents? Are they violent or vengeful? If not, why are you afraid enough to lie about your new faith? Parents go through many challenges, heartaches and disappointment before you are even a “glimmer in the eye”. Is it not possible that they, although they may be angry or upset, will also overcome this obstacle. I feel that it is quite likely that she suspects something. Maybe they are waiting patiently for you to share with her?

As a mom, I can say that I went through a similar problem with my son. He declared to my DH and I that he was leaving Catholicism because he was now an atheist. We were heartbroken and upset, and we still fear for his soul, but we love him. We can only hope that the Holy Spirit will intercede to bring him back to Christ through our prayers, devout example, and continued relationship. I must trust in God that he will be one of the lost ones “found”.

I would be angry about would be that you had lied by omission (if this is indeed true and which I can’t judge) about such an intimate and profound choice. But, that is me. I don’t know anything besides what you have presented here. I post just to offer you some thoughts to consider. I suggest you go to confession and share your dilemma with your priest. Consider his advice prayerfully.

:blessyou:
 
chefmomster2 said:

“Why are you so afraid to declare your faith to your parents? Are they violent or vengeful? If not, why are you afraid enough to lie about your new faith?”

Dark Light’s mother is very controlling and not a great listener.

Dark Light is quite grown up (chronologically speaking), but it’s taken her awhile to become independent because of mental health issues.
 
If I were to tell her I am quite certain I would in no way wish to discuss my choice. She has given me no reason to trust that she can handle a sensitive discussion with me in an appropriate manner. Past discussions have been at best one-sided lectures where any points I make are dismissed out of hand based on my youth, and at worst guilt-trips and manipulation. I have tried to confront her on this behavior with no success, merely an indignant denial that she has ever done such a thing.

At this point I have generally excluded her from the personal details of my life, not just from religion. I don’t want to encourage her to continue trying to “correct” me as though I were still in my teens. I make my choices and her lack of respect means she gets no (name removed by moderator)ut on them. I admit my mental health does not help, as I am prone to panic attacks that can be brought on by her behavior.

Oh, for people who have read other threads: I did finally get to where I can get medical care without her support. So that hold is gone, at least.
 
DarkLight said:

“Oh, for people who have read other threads: I did finally get to where I can get medical care without her support.”

Yay!
 
This is not a situation of lying by omission. You know you cannot trust her with the truth, because she will attempt to convert you and will not take “no” for an answer. This is a personal decision, and you are protecting your newfound faith by remaining silent in her presence about it. A person who cannot be trusted with a truth has no right to the truth. We are not obligated to share every detail with our parents or anyone. I would advise not telling her, at least until you have a few more years of practicing and living out your faith.
 
I too do not think this is lying by omission. Save her from the pain she will feel if she were to find out. It is not a rule of the Church that you go out and tell everyone you know that you are Catholic.
 
Xantippe said:
chefmomster2 said:

“Why are you so afraid to declare your faith to your parents? Are they violent or vengeful? If not, why are you afraid enough to lie about your new faith?”

Dark Light’s mother is very controlling and not a great listener.

Dark Light is quite grown up (chronologically speaking), but it’s taken her awhile to become independent because of mental health issues.
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Thank you for the clarification! 👍
 
DarkLight said:
If I were to tell her I am quite certain I would in no way wish to discuss my choice. She has given me no reason to trust that she can handle a sensitive discussion with me in an appropriate manner. Past discussions have been at best one-sided lectures where any points I make are dismissed out of hand based on my youth, and at worst guilt-trips and manipulation. I have tried to confront her on this behavior with no success, merely an indignant denial that she has ever done such a thing.

At this point I have generally excluded her from the personal details of my life, not just from religion. I don’t want to encourage her to continue trying to “correct” me as though I were still in my teens. I make my choices and her lack of respect means she gets no (name removed by moderator)ut on them. I admit my mental health does not help, as I am prone to panic attacks that can be brought on by her behavior.

Oh, for people who have read other threads: I did finally get to where I can get medical care without her support. So that hold is gone, at least.
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Thank you for clarifying for those of us unfamiliar with your story. I would still recommend speaking with a priest or your sponsor just to put your mind at ease about the situation.

I am proud of you for pursuing your faith in such a difficult circumstance and proud of you for protecting it so carefully. I admire that greatly! 👍
 
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