Do I tell his friend about his depression?

[milletsmo]

Hi, as you might have read in my “heartbreak” post my ex boyfriend is suffering from depression.

We’re currently having some time apart without any contact at the moment which I think will be the best thing for us both (even though it is obviously really hard).
The thing is on Wednesday I am meeting up with my friend as she has recently broke up with her boyfriend too. We will no doubt talk about how we’re feeling and why it happend etc but she lives with my ex. I know he will have spoke to her about why we split but I also know she doesn’t know he is depressed. He told me I am the only person he talks to about it as I’m the only one he feels close to.
Because we’re not talking (I am waiting for him to make first contact) I am worried incase he is bottling his feelings up and incase he gets any worse. I don’t know if I should mention to our friend that he is suffering with depression. Part of me wants to tell her so she understands our break up more and understands how/why he changed his mind so quickly when we didn’t argue or anything. Another part of me wants to tell her so she can watch over him incase he does anything silly, I mean he is already going out getting drunk all the time which is totally out of character for him. But another part of me wants to keep my mouth shut and respect his privacy by not telling her - however I am worried by doing so I could risk his depression getting worse?
Because she lives with him I’m sure she must have noticed the change in his character recently, but she might just think it is his way of dealing with our break up, rather than a bigger problem like depression.

I have been praying he finds the strength to either get help for his problem or that he can sort it out on his own but I obviously don’t know what is for the best.

Thanks in advance for any advise you can give.
God bless
x

 

[SpaceNeedle]

Please read forward knowing that this is said with great love and charity.

You need to step back from involvement in his affairs, now that he is “ex” boyfriend.

Move away. Emotionally, literally, figureatively…start gaining some big-time space.

If his depression is severe, I hope that previously you have communicated that to his parents (or maybe a sibling, if they are closer to him). Outside of that, his depression is not something for you to be sharing with others…most especially his roommate. It is time for you to extract yourself from his problems…and that’s when you’ll start feeling a lot better.

Long long ago, in an unbaptised world far far away, I was briefly (months, not years) married to someone with severe depression. I always thought that he was such a great guy, and underneath the depression was such a good person. In my caring for him, and fretting over his depression, (in his “depressive state” he of course ended our marriage) all it did was suck me back in to a vortex belonging to an individual whose “depression” had somehow become an excuse to become a pretty selfish fellow.

You love him, I am sure. But you are so very, very fortunate that you are not married. Please, heed my advice: he is not yours to worry about anymore. Don’t sacrifice your youth, happiness, and ability to find a suitable life mate to “save” him. You have no idea what damage you could be doing to your own future by sticking around and staying involved…please PM me anytime, I have been through this rollercoaster and I know how easily you can get sucked back in…hang in there, and find distance.