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happymommy
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Before I answer another question, I’d like to know why you want to know all of this? You are 15.5, what does this have to do with you right now?
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cjcapta
Guest
Well, it started because Jason Evert was coming to our school and we had to type a report on his talk. However, I fainted during the talk due to a vasovagal reaction because I was wearing a coat and I started sweating because he was talking about Jesus having to wear the crown of thorns and I got squimish and I was also hungry since this cut into our lunch time. Since I missed part of the talk I went online to come up with some info for my reflection. However while I was reading one section, I noticed that Jason had said that the church doesn’t allow impotent couples to marry (which I think now is untrue, since I think someone on here said that they do allow them to marry by permission of the bishop.) Anyway, since I go to a good school and have good parents, I was taught to have a plan for the future. And since I can see how much stress my siblings and I give to my parents, I had always found it very odd that people have kids despite all the pains it takes in rasing them, and I had planned on not having kids. Plus, I have OCD as well as ADHD as well as other issues, which would not only make me not a good parent, but there would also be a high probability of that being passed on to my offspring. Actually, my OCD would probably make some things impossible to do like changing diapers.
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KCtheMommy
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Well there you. GO.
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vocatio
Guest
Why did you say “oh you were serious sorry”? It’s not like you said something joking around and then I was all serious. And what would I be joking about? Why would a celibate (spelled with an i) marriage not be okay if the main reason wasn’t to have children? And if it is a celibate marriage, then isn’t it not really a marriage at all?
OOPS! Spelling. I know how to spell celibate partly because I was well on my way when I met my wife. I was living chaste, but no vows yet. I was a seminary some time back. I answered your question already and was having fun with the numbering. I love iterating things for convenience. Yes. It’s goofy. As far as joking, my initial perception must have been off and I typed what was on my head as if I were standing right in front of you. No offense if it was offensive. If anything it would just illustrate the nature of my posts…goofy.
When you say why would you marry someone if you aren’t going to have sex I can think of a couple of reasons: for example wikipedia says: People marry for many reasons, but usually one or more of the following: legal, social, and economic stability; the formation of a family unit; procreation and the education and nurturing of children; legitimizing sexual relations; public declaration of love; or to obtain citizenship.
Wikaipedia is hardly a place I would reference for the sacrament of marriage. Though true, this is not what you were indicating in your original post…op.
Also, I’m sure you are aware of Jason Evert and his website. One of the things that he says is that you should not move in with another person until marriage. Of course, I don’t know whether this was just advice, or if this is God’s Word.
Actually I don’t usually hang out on boards. The only other board I tend to read once in a while is from Catholic converts from my previous faith. Having three children and a wife hardly gives me time to post, much less proof everything.
Another reason would be for emotional support. I’ve read in a lot of introductions in books about how an author is thanking his or her spouse for always being there for him/her and that they couldn’t have done it without them. And life can sometimes be easier when two people are working together, as they say two heads are better than one. Isn’t it nice having a lifetime partner who always loves you back?
The marriage act is part of the bonding. Without it you’re basically living as brother and sister. Emotional stability is nice. But both people would have to be stable before entering a relationship anyway. It seems with the divorce rate as it is today… It’ up to you and him as well as the bishop.
Finally, you would marry a person if you truly love him/her and you can picture youself being with him/her. And also if they have traits that are good for a marriage. I’m saying you shouldn’t just marry a person for their looks or because their wealth or social status, you should marry them if you are compatible and able to work productively with each other. If you are in a relationship but don’t want to have kids, are you saying that you should just stay as girlfriend and boyfriend?
No. To me ending the relationship as girlfriend and boyfriend seems better. I’m guessing you’re young now. If he is young and I were a priest I would strongly discourage it if you want to refuse him the marriage bond. If he were to grow older and realize he made a mistake he would have no problem of receiving an annulment. My issue is personal experience with my parents divorcing. Divorce is scandalous. So is remarriage, even if a person receives an annulment. It makes us look foolish in my opinion. Though I understand the annulment process far too many catholics treat it as if it isn’t a big deal. It’s my opinion. No one has to buy into it.
Also, just to make sure no one misunderstand this post, I am against same-sex marriage, so don’t start saying I am for it.
No mention of it. My concern is actually for the boyfriend. Since he’s not part of this and I don’t know either of you all of my words mean nothing. You really should discuss this with a priest. That is the proper place for this line of questioning for real answers.
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vocatio
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Ignore everything I said with exception with speaking to a preast.
Girler [my 3 year olds way of saying girl
] are way too young to even be thinking of such a commitment now. Teens need to hang out in groups anyway and avoid “dating”. Dating is a recent trend that is less than a year old. It brings about the near occasion of sin. Go see you pastor about this because he will give you the best answers for this. That’s my opinion in a nutshell. You almost the same age as my oldest. He is not allowed to date and he is discerning the priesthood as a Franciscan Friar.Good luck with your report though.
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ThyKingdomCome
Guest
Ok, first, about love being a feeling. I could have rephrased what I said as “Love is MORE THAN just a feeling.” Yes love can be a feeling. But true Christian love as shown to us by Christ is something that you do, acting for the good of the person that you love is a much better indicator of real love than having affectionate feelings towards a person. My point is that you can have loving FEELINGS toward a person and still act in a selfish way in your relationship, leading them to unhappiness or un-holiness. And I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “if you love someone set them free.” Meaning, loving a person means really wanting what is right for them, even if it is not what FEELS good to you at the time. When Christ was dying on the cross, was he feeling all happy and “lovey”? I doubt it. He died for us, despite how horrible it felt, because he knew that it was what we needed. The greatest act of love ever committed was not about feeling, but about doing.
On being open to children. As one person mentioned, it does mean that you can’t practice artificial forms of birth control. But it is more than that. When you enter into a marriage, you are recognizing that marriage, in most cases, is intended to bring forth children. So in most situations, married couples are not supposed to go through their entire life using Natural Family Planning to avoid getting pregnant. I see it as a mindset. Either you are willing to have your marriage result in children or you’re not. This isn’t about technicalities. God knows what is in your heart. So if you get married and say, “Well I really don’t ever want kids, but if we have intercourse at least once during the fertile time of the month than that counts as being open to children” - well, you’re kidding yourself, or you’re trying to fool God with a technicality. A more “open to children” statement might sound more like this: “I may not feel a strong desire to have children, but I understand that this is one of the main purposes of marriage. So I won’t try to keep myself from getting pregnant and I’ll let God decide. I am willing to have and raise children if that is what God wants for me” or “Right now, we have a serious reason not to have children (like my health, or our financial situation), so I am going to avoid getting pregnant for now. But in time, I hope to be free of that obstacle, and then I will stop trying to avoid pregnancy. I will be fully willing to have and raise chidlren if that is what God wants of me.”
Again, this is about a mindset. It’s about going into marriage understanding and agreeing to your purpose - which is helping your spouse get to heaven and having whatever children God wants to bless you with. It’s about doing God’s Will, not your own will. And remember, there are no technicalities or loopholes when it comes to your soul.
God bless.
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Magickman
Guest
I find cause to wonder, about questions like this. Does the poster, or perhaps it is imposter, have any knowledge of the nature of marriage?
To directly confront the question, with a straightforword answer, yes, married couples are sexual partners, as well. It is intrinsic to the married state.
Truly strange discussions about marriage have begun to appear at CAF. These questions appear to represent an unorthodox view of marital relations, as something to avoid, or to be ashamed of.
Denial of sexual relations in a marriage is unethical, I believe.
The church teaches that sexual relations outside of marriage are an objective wrong.
Buit, sexual relations are necessary, to fulfill the role of spouse within a sacramental marriage. Those who deny this, are trying to redefine marriage, away from its biblical meaning.
To directly confront the question, with a straightforword answer, yes, married couples are sexual partners, as well. It is intrinsic to the married state.
Truly strange discussions about marriage have begun to appear at CAF. These questions appear to represent an unorthodox view of marital relations, as something to avoid, or to be ashamed of.
Denial of sexual relations in a marriage is unethical, I believe.
The church teaches that sexual relations outside of marriage are an objective wrong.
Buit, sexual relations are necessary, to fulfill the role of spouse within a sacramental marriage. Those who deny this, are trying to redefine marriage, away from its biblical meaning.
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Galnextdoor
Guest
Hon,
I think you are a little young to be worried about married love and married sex. Just write your report on being single and chaste. As you mature, your whole perception of married sex and children may change.
Pray always to do God’s will and make God’s will known to you. If God wants you to marry, I’m sure He will make the whole idea of married sex and children more appealing to you.
I think you are a little young to be worried about married love and married sex. Just write your report on being single and chaste. As you mature, your whole perception of married sex and children may change.
Pray always to do God’s will and make God’s will known to you. If God wants you to marry, I’m sure He will make the whole idea of married sex and children more appealing to you.
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cjcapta
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Mystic_Warrior
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You went to Catholic middle school and elementary school? You don’t remember the story of Adam and Eve? What about the commandment from God to be fruitful and multiply? My friend, you really need to find a spiritual director or good priest to talk to. And besides that - what about your parents? I would rather you begin a dialogue with them about this, especially considering that they know the issues you have with OCD and ADD.
P.S. yes, we really, really believe that in our mind
Peace…
MW
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Mystic_Warrior
Guest
Best advice yet. Simple and to the point.Hon,
I think you are a little young to be worried about married love and married sex. Just write your report on being single and chaste. As you mature, your whole perception of married sex and children may change.
Pray always to do God’s will and make God’s will known to you. If God wants you to marry, I’m sure He will make the whole idea of married sex and children more appealing to you.
cj - listen to her!Peace…
MW
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cjcapta
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What report are you and vocatio talking about?Hon,
I think you are a little young to be worried about married love and married sex. Just write your report on being single and chaste. As you mature, your whole perception of married sex and children may change.
Pray always to do God’s will and make God’s will known to you. If God wants you to marry, I’m sure He will make the whole idea of married sex and children more appealing to you.
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Mystic_Warrior
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cjcapta
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We were taught in 8th grade that Adam and Eve is believed to have just been a story and not fact. None of the ten commandments say anything about being fruitful and multiplying. My parents aren’t religious experts, as my mom believes that being gay is not a sin, although I did show her a bunch of videos explaining to her that it is, I forgot to ask if she has changed her beleifs or not.You went to Catholic middle school and elementary school? You don’t remember the story of Adam and Eve? What about the commandment from God to be fruitful and multiply? My friend, you really need to find a spiritual director or good priest to talk to. And besides that - what about your parents? I would rather you begin a dialogue with them about this, especially considering that they know the issues you have with OCD and ADD.
P.S. yes, we really, really believe that in our mind
Peace…
MW
And it’s ADHD not ADD. But I will talk to them, it’s on my long list of things to do, but I just wanted to get all my facts straight here first.
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cjcapta
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Oh, well I wrote about the fact that I learned that there are other ways to teach people things without just calling it evil and saying that you will end up in hell.
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cjcapta
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I’m sure that dating is not less than a year old, were you exaggerating, in my school we learned about dating in 8th grade during our Family Life section (although it was group dating; there had to be a dating first before the word group dating could come) and there have been lots of shows that contain dating earlier than that.Ignore everything I said with exception with speaking to a preast.
Girler [my 3 year olds way of saying girl
Good luck with your report though.
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sanctamaria17
Guest
The earth being created in six days, etc, etc, is the part that’s not “fact”, per se (and yes, I do believe in evolution). HOWEVER, the greater Truth (big T, not little t) is that Adam and Eve were created to fulfill God’s glory, by manifesting the creative, united love of the Trinity. That’s where the Biblical basis of marriage comes from. God commanded Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply, Noah and his family were given the same commandment, there are many statements in the Bible of children being a blessing, etc, etc.
Marital love is supposed to be completely self giving. That includes sex. Sex is supposed to allow God’s love to manifest in a way so real that you may have to name it in nine months. It’s also supposed to bond them, for the two are one flesh. Marriage is not merely a marriage of minds, God gave us our bodies to glorify Him. That’s why consummation is always required in a marriage (barring Josephite marriages).
Yes, you get married to “love someone”. Are you willing to love someone so much that you’ll give your mind, your heart, your body to them? Are you willing to trust them enough to be vulnerable with them, knowing that at times they will hurt and disappoint you and you them? Are you willing to form a family with them? Are you willing to make it your special duty to help them and all others in your house get to heaven? If not, then maybe it’s not your vocation.
Marital love is supposed to be completely self giving. That includes sex. Sex is supposed to allow God’s love to manifest in a way so real that you may have to name it in nine months. It’s also supposed to bond them, for the two are one flesh. Marriage is not merely a marriage of minds, God gave us our bodies to glorify Him. That’s why consummation is always required in a marriage (barring Josephite marriages).
Yes, you get married to “love someone”. Are you willing to love someone so much that you’ll give your mind, your heart, your body to them? Are you willing to trust them enough to be vulnerable with them, knowing that at times they will hurt and disappoint you and you them? Are you willing to form a family with them? Are you willing to make it your special duty to help them and all others in your house get to heaven? If not, then maybe it’s not your vocation.
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cjcapta
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I forgot what the difference was besides Truth and truth, I wrote it down in my theology notebook last year but that book is in storage right now, so could you re-explain it to me?
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sanctamaria17
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little t truth: science, historical facts, etc. Those are important, but the Bible wasn’t written with those in mind. It is based on oral stories passed down by our Jewish forefathers containing a greater Truth.
Big T Truth: The point of said stories, the universal message that God meant for us to hear, not focusing on the scientific, historical facts of the story.
Big T Truth: The point of said stories, the universal message that God meant for us to hear, not focusing on the scientific, historical facts of the story.
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Catholic90
Guest
My teens do both - hang out in groups, and my oldest has gone on dates, although he does not have a singular girlfriend. He prefers to do many activities with many different girls. Last night he invited 1 girl over to skate (3 girls showed up), and tonight he is going to another girl’s house to watch a movie with her and another girl. (he’s 17). Tomorrow afternoon, he has invited yet another girl over to our house to ‘hang out’ (which more than likely means either playing video games, watching a movie, or ice skating). For the school dances, he can never decide who to ask (and doesn’t want to hurt the unasked girls’ feelings), so he doesn’t go (although for the last school dance, the girls figured this out and they all asked him
).Dating is more than 1 year old!! I am 44, and I dated way back in the day. My parents have even talked of when they dated, and they have been married 45 years, so dating is definitely older than 1 year!
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