Do Married Couples Have To Sleep In Same Bed?

[sanctareparata]

The time at the end of the day spent together getting ready for bed and falling asleep is an important time to talk and reconnect. If you lose that time and don’t make up for it you can run the risk of growing apart from your husband.

This is very subjective. A lot of couples I know don’t get ready for bed and fall asleep together at all, DH and I included. Many times couples go to bed at different times and do their talking elsewhere. Like the sofa.

Quite honestly, I’m usually so tired when I hit the bed that if DH wanted to spend time “talking and connecting” I’d sock him with a pillow.

 

[Beachcomber]

Dh and I sometimes sleep in separate beds in order to get a good night’s rest; and when he has to get up extra-early.

I think that if it’s a mutual decisiion for health reasons and you both talk it over, there’s nothing wrong with it. It shouldn’t be done out of anger, spite, ect.

 

[EasterJoy]

My husband works weird hours and crawls in and out of bed at all sorts of hours.

If you can spend at least part of every night together at least most of the time, I’d make the sacrifice to do that. It makes a difference. If you have to sleep apart at least some of the time in order to get enough sleep to function, though, that’s OK. Get the sleep.

 

[Cat]

I know you’re all sick of hearing me say this, but just in case someone is new, here I go again.

If someone snores, they should go to a sleep specialist, an M.D., not a chiropracter or a naturopath or a medicine man/woman or a spiritual healer.

Snoring can indicate a condition called sleep apnea, and this condition is dangerous. It means that the person is ceasing breathing, sometimes for almost a minute at a time, hundreds of times each night.

Reggie White, the Green Bay Packer, died of sleep apnea in his 40s. Sleep apnea can be a killer.

If you have sleep apnea, there’s a chance you’ll be told to go on the C-Pap machine at night. I think that’s why a lot of people don’t go for their sleep study–they don’t want to wear a mask all night long and have a machine help them breathe. It’s just not what James Bond would do.

So couples sleep in separate rooms and pretend that the problem is solved.

That’s too bad. If you had any other medical condition, like excessive farting or a giant lump somewhere in the body or blinding headaches, you would no doubt go to a doctor and get some help. The C-Pap isn’t that bad. The way I see it, I would rather wake up next to my husband wearing a C-Pap (he kind of looks like Darth Vader in it) then wake up next to a stiff, blue, cold corpse who stopped breathing sometime in the middle of the night.

Until my husband got the C-Pap, we did the separate room thing. After he got the C-pap, we were back together under the sheets, and I sleep soundly now that he’s isn’t gasping for air and snorting it back out again.

If a man loves his wife, he will go for a sleep test and he will wear the C-Pap if he needs to. And same for women. Most people who get the C-Pap actually feel rested for the first time in years because they’re finally breathing well at night.

 

[EasterJoy]

I know you’re all sick of hearing me say this, but just in case someone is new, here I go again.

If someone snores, they should go to a sleep specialist, an M.D., not a chiropracter or a naturopath or a medicine man/woman or a spiritual healer.

Snoring can indicate a condition called sleep apnea, and this condition is dangerous. It means that the person is ceasing breathing, sometimes for almost a minute at a time, hundreds of times each night.

Reggie White, the Green Bay Packer, died of sleep apnea in his 40s. Sleep apnea can be a killer.

If you have sleep apnea, there’s a chance you’ll be told to go on the C-Pap machine at night. I think that’s why a lot of people don’t go for their sleep study–they don’t want to wear a mask all night long and have a machine help them breathe. It’s just not what James Bond would do.

So couples sleep in separate rooms and pretend that the problem is solved.

That’s too bad. If you had any other medical condition, like excessive farting or a giant lump somewhere in the body or blinding headaches, you would no doubt go to a doctor and get some help. The C-Pap isn’t that bad. The way I see it, I would rather wake up next to my husband wearing a C-Pap (he kind of looks like Darth Vader in it) then wake up next to a stiff, blue, cold corpse who stopped breathing sometime in the middle of the night.

Until my husband got the C-Pap, we did the separate room thing. After he got the C-pap, we were back together under the sheets, and I sleep soundly now that he’s isn’t gasping for air and snorting it back out again.

If a man loves his wife, he will go for a sleep test and he will wear the C-Pap if he needs to. And same for women. Most people who get the C-Pap actually feel rested for the first time in years because they’re finally breathing well at night.

I know several guys who had their snoring investigated. They did not need a C-Pap. All they needed was a rather minor surgical procedure; on their soft palate, I think. Something like that. The procedures could have been life-saving, though, because every one of their wives had become about ready to permanently clock them into permanent and silent sleep with a cast iron skillet! (So much for the sanctity of the marriage bed.)

 

[stayathomemommy]

It doesnt sound like too bad of an idea some nights or should i say mornings when i just want to sleep and he is up getting ready to go to work, but sometimes when my husband lays down with a child and falls asleep i dont like it so i usually wake him up and make him move into bed with me. i would say do what works for you BUT make sure you have cuddle time before bed. sit on the couch, touch, talk, connect. also make sure you get some sex, even if only a little, in there somewhere. its so important. if you guys get cranky at eachother it might mean you need a date or and evening spent in the same bed, even if you are just sleeping. could you put the kids in their own beds and sleep in the same bed on friday and saturday nights?

 

[onmyknees]

No, they don’t have to but if your husband is at all like mine he might want you to go to bed with him. My husband has to get up really early too and so really likes us to go to bed together. We still have a double bed because he says he doesn’t want to loose me in a huge bed.

 

[sojo]

Not a sin to get a good night’s sleep. My husband and I have been married for 32 years. Every so often, his snoring and my lifetime light sleep habits and insomnia have resulted in my serious exhaustion. At those times, he lovingly takes to the sofa for a while so I can get some much needed rest.

No sleep apnea, and the few surgical options to cure snoring are not guaranteed and as they are not covered by our insurance, are way above anything we could afford.

After a few weeks, he drops a few pounds, cuts back on the evening wine (those seem to affect the level of snoring for him), and I, newly refreshed from catching up on my Z’s have upped my cardio so I sleep a little deeper, and he’s back in bed beside me which is soooo much nicer. Having to sleep apart is not optimal, but we love each other enough to do the healthy thing. Often, we find ourselves more affectionate, physically and verbally, as a result of having to sleep apart for a bit.

Likewise, when one is really sick with the flu and just wants to be alone to “die in peace” (and retch and cough and so forth without adding feeling guilty to the mix), the healthy one takes to the sofa to allow the sick one a bit of privacy in their misery, though getting up often to check in and change sheets, administer meds, etc.

The worst part of our occasional need to bunk apart is our chihuahuas. One refuses to leave my side, and one generally sticks to my husband. The other 2 are confused and unhappy and spend the night hopping back and forth between beds. Sometimes you just can’t keep everyone happy.

 

[jilly4ski]

No, they don’t have to but if your husband is at all like mine he might want you to go to bed with him. My husband has to get up really early too and so really likes us to go to bed together. We still have a double bed because he says he doesn’t want to loose me in a huge bed.

It doesn’t happen much anymore (dh is a deep sleeper) but for the first 2 years sometimes when I would turn over in bed, dh thought I was going to fall out and he would throw his arm over me to “catch” me. Scared the bejeezus out of me when it happened. One moment he was asleep and the next there was a huge arm flying towards me.

My dh now works nights and while we did not always go to bed at the same time (though usually we do), it is tough when he is not here when I go to bed.

 

[dconklin]

Snopes.com says its a show called Mary Kay and Johnny, made in 1947.

Wow, that was not the answer I expected. 1947 must have been close to the release of the 1st TVs to the mass public. I had always thought it was the Munsters. Can you tell I was a child of the late 60s? HA!

 

[PatriceA]

The site mentioned the Munsters, but they were disqualifed because they weren’t technically “human”, same for The Flinstones. Funny stuff.

 

[odile53]

Why would people have to, if they couldn’t get a decent night’s sleep if they did?

Both my husband and I have old sports injuries that make sleeping in the same bed sheer sleepless torture (I’m a sprawler, he has to lay just so on one side with his arms and legs in just such positions. If we were to have ONE bed, we would actually have to have a couple of king sized mattresses on the floor, and quilts and comforters so that we could use them.) A ridiculous arrangement, for sure.

About five years ago we got twin beds, and voila!–decent night’s sleep for the first time in eons! And actually, the fact that we were finally getting enough rest meant that we were not irritable, peevish, or inattentive to each other, and that actually improved our love life.