Oh boy. Whatever you decide to you, I don’t envy you your position. I was actually raised in the CoC, even went to one of their universities for a year (Abilene Christian) before switching to a state university, drifting away from that church, then variously participating in a Calvinist church (for 10+ years), then a Baptist/Pentecostal church, then no church for awhile out of disgust until finally God caught my wife and I at a moment where we were willing to attend an RCIA class. My logic was simply this: I knew I had never given the Catholic Church a fair chance to speak for itself, and I wanted to know exactly what it was all about before I passed final judgment on the matter once and for all. Lesson one was like a torpedo-bomb on the doctrine of sola scriptura - I was told that “Tradition” was on the same level as Scripture, and yet both were considered infalliable. I had to chew on that one for a long time before coming around.
I resisted, at least in some areas (I grew up, for whatever reason, loathing church ritual), to the very end, but still converted. Most of my family (on my dad’s side) is still VERY strong CoC, and although my dad, who I think attends some variant of a Baptist church now, knows I am Catholic, we haven’t discussed it. My brother is a self-proclaimed Calvinist but does not attend church, and has been very cold toward me when it comes to the subject of Catholicism. Most of the rest of my family I’m sure knows through my dad (although I’m not 100% positive), but I have a great apprehension about opening up the subject for discussion. I have two uncles who have been elders in CoC’s for literally decades, at least one of whom I know would not hesitate to try and rip me apart verbally for my Catholicism. I guess my only saving grace is that they know I left the CoC some time ago, so at least it’s not as dramatic as a direct shift.
I remember how deep the anti-Catholic roots can go in those circles. When I first found out that the Catholic church was supposedly a “bad” thing (I didn’t learn that from their preaching until I was older because I never listened to those very long-winded sermons in the CoC when I was growing up – too boring), it was when I was in about 5th grade. A friend of mine invited me to sleep over on a Saturday night and go to church with them the next day. They were Catholics. When I asked my mother’s permission, she recoiled in absolute horror when I told her that they were Catholics and suggested they take me to their church. I mean, she was really afraid and angered! So I figured they must have been pretty bad to upset her like that.
At least the CoC, to my recollection, does believe in a “sacramental” significance to Baptism (i.e. you must be baptised to be saved), they do not teach sola fide in the sense that our “once saved, always saved” separated brethren teach (i.e. they teach that salvation, once gained, can be lost), and they also do not deny free will as the Calvinists effectively do. My despair which led to my finally leaving the CoC was simply that I had no way of knowing whether I was in a state of grace or not at any given time (although I could not have articulated it that way at the time); the error I made, unfortunately for me, was eventually falling in with a Calvinistic church (with ministers all trained at Dallas Theological Seminary) which appeared to offer a solution by way of the doctrine of sola fide, and “once saved, always saved”. (I didn’t know about the Catholic solution of the sacrament of reconciliation.) Of course, since they teach that a Christian cannot lose his salvation, my dilemma THEN became knowing if I ever was a Christian in the first place! And I also started noticing many Scripture passages that I could not interpret properly given that set of teachings (especially on the possibility of losing one’s salvation). Of course, I was still in an anti-Catholic church, probably even more so. This church had the gall to have anti-Catholic speakers come in from time to time, and even sent a couple to Spain as a missionary to the Catholics there! I have definitely lost some of these former “friends”, including my best friend from my later college years who hates all things papal.
When I started getting serious about my own faith in high school, I tried to take the doctrine of sola scriptura to the max by arriving at the proper interpretation of the entire Bible, over time. That delusion took me about 18 years to see through. Thank God, I was prevented from thinking that I had completely figured out the “perfect” interpretation of the Bible, because I tried really hard. Now I know that I couldn’t do it because only the RCC has the charism to do that.
Best of luck to you, whatever decision you make, and God be with you –
Good going.
