Do priests have the right knowledege to counsel soon to be newlyweds?

[The_Barrister]

There have been some wonderful responses to the question, and I don’t have much to add except my own opinion.

I just finished a 6 week “Marriage Investment” course in which 50+ couples participated, and I must say that our priest was a very good counselor through the process.

I do believe that a priest who has been properly formed has the “right knowledge” to counsel soon-to-be newlyweds. They receive extensive training in seminary to 1) know everything about the sacrament of marriage; 2) convey the sacramental nature of marriage to the guide the couple toward fulfillment of their responsibilities; 3) guide the couple toward fulfilling their obligations to God.

A marriage in which God is not the chief is a marriage destined to fail. A good priest can provide invaluable aid.

 

[otm]

martino:

I think that priests would likely be the best at this kind of counseling. Of course this wouldn’t be so 100% of the time, but practically speaking, who would have more understanding of the deep meaning of the sacrament, the vows and sacrifices required for a good marriage than a priest?

Perhaps one answer to that, or maybe a different perspective, is this: is there a difference between theory and practice?

The priest has the perspective of theological training (and perhaps counseling; the younger the priest, the more likely the training in counseling), and he has the perspective of living out his own (and different vow); if he has been around for a while, he should also have the experience of counseling married couples. All of this is as an observer. And if anyone has ever been given advice about anything by anybody, they probably know that an observer often has a different (and sometimes accurate) perspective.

There is, however, a marked difference between viewing something that someone else is experiencing, and experiencing it yourself. That is why the question should not be, “which one do I use”; it is not “either/or” but “both/and”.

 

[kmktexas]

But we are talking about a counseling situation, not a mentorship. Mentors definately need to be people who have “been there”. Counselors might even be better if their counsel is not colored by too much personal experience. Would you want to only go to a finalcial advisor who had personally experience bankruptcy or only a psychiatrist who had lived with his/her own mental illness?

Remeber too that chastity is an important part of marriage and of the priesthood. This is already a thread of common experience, not to mention the fact that the priest didn’t go straight from nursery school to seminary. Many have lived in the world for a long time before answering their vocation.

 

[Pug]

The priests I have met seem fully qualified to prepare a person to receive a sacrament. They also seem well prepared to tell you how to deal with another person (like your spouse).

If you are confused about mechanics or a very practical marriage matter, maybe try asking a married person of the same sex as you. I don’t think a priest is the right person to answer certain questions a woman might have. Both might blush themselves silly.

My pre-Cana stuff was all done by the priest. I don’t think anyone could have prepared me for it. People could say “marriage is hard” all they want, but you have no idea until you try it just how much it will change you and what difficulties it presents.

 

[ChefEmily]

I agree that it does depend on the priest. I would never doubt a priest’s ability to counsel engaged or married couples simply for being a priest (I don’t believe anyone has written more beautifully and romantically on marriage than the Pope).

Also, a priest I know was a chaplain for the Marines and he told me that after a while many protestant ministers were coming to him for marital advice. He told me that sometimes married couples can get too bogged down by the frustrations, anxiety, and stress of married life that they fail to see the beauty of their vocation.

 

[Deacon_Tony560]

Due to the priest shortage, many pastors have long ago given the Baptism and Marriage Prep courses to Lay people. Some of my fellow deacons and their wives do a great job in these classes. Unless there is a surge in vocations to the priesthood, you can expect to see more delegating.

God bless,
Deacon Tony SFO