Do relationships "just happen?"

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george92

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hey all! i’m a soph. in college and currently VERY busy with lots of work and schoolwork. anyways i REALLY want to have a girlfriend but theres no way i’m fitting her into my schedule. Buuuut every girl i do like and i start to get to know i find out she is in a relationship. its like i’m beaten to the punch before i have a chance. This is EXTREMELY frustrating and makes we worried about my dating future. And i know girls like me…i can feel them looking at me and often catch them in the act of looking at me but none of them says anything to me. so what do they want? not bragging, just telling y’all how it is.

So relationships just happen? Experiences and advice. Thanks!
 
Relationships most certainly do not just happen. That would imply predestination and no matter what we do, no work is involved.

My advice is to cultivate good, solid friendships. When you have found the right one, you will know.
 
Why do you want a girlfriend, if you think don’t have time for a girlfriend? 🤷

The world is full of people who get themselves a dog they don’t have time for, buy themselves a house with a kichen they never have time to cook in and a yard they never have time to keep up, let alone enjoy, who want to play an instrument or learn a language, but never get it done because they never make the time. The investment they do put into getting these things is wasted, because they did not count the total cost of what they were starting before they made the initial investment.

When I started graduate school, the older graduate students gave us this advice:* If you’re smart enough to be here, you’ve got too much going for you to do nothing but work. You’re in this for the long haul, so live for the long haul. Work hard, play hard, but make room for your social life*.

That is very good advice. Of all the good things in life that you have to choose from because of your busy schedule, face time spent socializing with real people needs to make the list above the cut-off line. You’ll thank yourself.
 
Rarely will it “just happen” for you as a man. You’ll need to do the work. Pursue a woman that your interested in or who shows attraction towards you. The simple fact of the matter is if you don’t open your mouth, you will have a hard time getting a girlfriend.

Women often desire equality in the workforce but rarely in the social arena. A lesson some young men need to learn early on.
 
Love is a verb, an action word. You have to perform it as an action 😉
 
Relationships don’t just happen. They take work to get into and the take work and time to keep up. I had a boyfriend who I made a lot of time for (actually starting in my sophomore year of college) I went to school full time and had a full time job. I made it work. We were together a year and a half. You have to decide how much having a girlfriend is worth to you. If you are willing to wake up a few hours early to get some homework done so you two can go out to lunch and a movie, or staying up a few extra hours, or doing homework on your lunch at work, ect. ect. Also with my now husband (before we were married)I worked and went to school and had a relationship with him and made it work. For half of our relationship he was in Boot Camp and then in A-School, but we made it work. If you keep on waiting around for a girl to come to you, chances are she won’t think you are interested. If you meet a girl ask her on a date, see where it takes you.
 
I’m actually surprised as some of the answers. Many times relationships do “just happen.” This seems to be more common with “older” people (30+), though, who have had experience with many relationships. A lot of people try to wish and force a relationship, lousy results. I know several people that simply gave up looking for a significant other, and that’s when the relationship fell right into their laps. It certainly happened with me in my second wife. We were civilly married ASAP, and have happily married for 13 years.
 
thanks guys. ehssh the times i had a “flng” with a girl in college bad stuff happened like falling grades. when i got rid of her my grades were A’s. so grades and a career are my main priority. but at the same time it sucks being lonely i have many friends but hanging out with dudes for a while is boring as heck. i just pray that a lovely young lady comes into my life. i know it sounds like i’m contradicting myself but i love women.

But mannnnn for example a lovely young lady was smiling at me the whole time at this volunteer church service. i smiled back but did not know her at all. but as soon as she was done, her face was buried in her phone and ignored me. I’m tired of that sh*t.
 
ValPal said:
I’m actually surprised as some of the answers. Many times relationships do “just happen.” This seems to be more common with “older” people (30+), though, who have had experience with many relationships. A lot of people try to wish and force a relationship, lousy results. I know several people that simply gave up looking for a significant other, and that’s when the relationship fell right into their laps. It certainly happened with me in my second wife. We were civilly married ASAP, and have happily married for 13 years.
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Remember, though, that the OP has no time on his schedule for a girlfriend. “Older people” have time. When you spend time with other people whose company you enjoy, sure relationships “just happen”–just like when you amend soil you find that “things just grow”! Where soil suffers from a lot of foot traffic, though, somehow even the stuff that is planted there gets beaten down and dies.

After all, you can’t have a relationship fall into your lap if you never take the time to sit down! 😃
 
george92 said:
thanks guys. ehssh the times i had a “flng” with a girl in college bad stuff happened like falling grades. when i got rid of her my grades were A’s. so grades and a career are my main priority. but at the same time it sucks being lonely i have many friends but hanging out with dudes for a while is boring as heck. i just pray that a lovely young lady comes into my life. i know it sounds like i’m contradicting myself but i love women.

But mannnnn for example a lovely young lady was smiling at me the whole time at this volunteer church service. i smiled back but did not know her at all. but as soon as she was done, her face was buried in her phone and ignored me. I’m tired of that sh*t.
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Oh, well, maybe you need to date somebody who’s as busy with her own life as you are with yours. Maybe you’ll meet someone else with a hard major who also has to work her way through school…and you’ll understand and appreciate each other! 👍

The “dudes” are going to be bummed to find that your girlfriend gets what little free time you do have, but c’est la vie. Also, keep in mind that a woman whose life is as busy as yours rarely has time to do a lot of shopping. Unless her career requires her to dress up, she may look a lot more low-maintence, at least a lot of the time, because she has to. Don’t hold that against her!

You do need to carve some time out for your real life, though, yes? Maybe just on school breaks, but you need that.
 
I worked full time, went to school full time, had a boyfriend, and got good grades. My grades didn’t change when I had boyfriends and when I didn’t. It is doable, you just end up having to give up other things. If you want to you can make time. I found all sorts of ways.
 
If there’s something you want badly enough in this life, you’ll find a way/the time/the money/etc. to make it happen.
 
WhatMeWorry said:
If there’s something you want badly enough in this life, you’ll find a way/the time/the money/etc. to make it happen.
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Yes, as long as you realize that there is a limit to how many “somethings” will fit on your list. You can do anything if you put your mind to it, but you can’t do everything.

Honestly, I still think the best thing is to date a fellow busy person. You’re both be relieved that neither of you is demanding of the other one’s time.
 
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