Do we attend or send gifts for upcoming invalid weddings?

[crenfro]

Hello.

No to question 1, and probably not to question 2.

By attending and recognizing an invalid marriage you are approving of it.

My two cents.

 

[pensmama87]

Why does everyone think they owe an explanation of why they can’t or won’t go?

Not everyone I know goes to everything they are invited to, and no one makes a big issue of it.

Yes.

It’s an invitation. If you aren’t actually free to decline, it becomes something else.

 

[Dr_Meinheimer]

You want them to put aside their allegiance to the Church in favor human allegiances? Not to offend, but isn’t that the height of selfishness?

To turn it around, how could you, who purport to love them, ask them to make that choice? See Littlelady’s example above…

 

[QwertyGirl]

Well I can ask them to put it aside because I think this portion of their religious beliefs is ridiculous. Please don’t be offended by that. It is the truth and you asked.

 

[Dr_Meinheimer]

So they should not be offended by you telling them a portion of their beliefs are ridiculous, but you are justified in being offended or hurt by them refusing to attend your wedding?

Forgive me if I say that is a bit inconsistent, hypocritical, and hard to understand for most folks.

 

[QwertyGirl]

So they should not be offended by you telling them a portion of their beliefs are ridiculous, but you are justified in being offended or hurt by them refusing to attend your wedding?

Forgive me if I say that is a bit inconsistent, hypocritical, and hard to understand for most folks.

ETA: I never told my family I thought their beliefs were ridiculous. I was telling you that is what I Think.

I don’t know what is hard to understand about it. If you are going to put your religion before your loving relationships of the people in your family, have at it. Don’t expect people won’t get their nose out of joint over it. I sacrifice all the time by participating in their Catholic events. It is a real sacrifice, because I do feel like a hypocrite doing so. But I love my family and it is important to them so that is what I do. Too bad they don’t return the love on the same level. At the end of the day, it is doubtful that is what Jesus would do. If that is the face they want to put on Christianity, that is their choice, I guess, but it comes at a cost.

Truthfully, I feel very sad for anyone who would jeopardize a relationship of true human love by following the rules of an archaic organization. And that doesn’t just go for the Catholic Church. It goes for any organization. God gave us familial love and to boycot a wedding like a spoiled brat because it isn’t YOUR religion is most likely quite displeasing to Him.

 

[Dr_Meinheimer]

I do expect people to get bent out of shape over it. We live in the Valley of Tears. Ours is a fallen world. Thus, I would expect nothing else from them. With the decline in religious identity and affiliation in society and an emphasis on that which is infinitely less consequential, that reaction is sadly the norm.

And likewise, by asking people to choose you over their faith, don’t expect them not to get bent out of shape over it.

For every point you make justifying your anger or hurt, you have to realize that they can make the exact same case against you, right?

 

[QwertyGirl]

For every point you make justifying your anger or hurt, you have to realize that they can make the exact same case against you, right?

Most definitely. The difference though, friend, is that I didn’t have a choice. I don’t believe in the Catholic faith so I can’t take vows that I can’t fulfill. It wasn’t a case of me trying to impose my values on someone else. That is what the other party did, though. Begging, pleading, crying, carrying on the months leading up to my wedding because they wanted me to have a Catholic wedding. So disrespectful. Even after I carefully explained why that wasn’t going to happen, they wouldn’t let up. See? That is the difference between what I did and what they did. So it isn’t the same for both sides in the situation. Not at all.

 

[Dr_Meinheimer]

We all have choices.

I thought the issue was being hurt by others decisions not to attend a wedding we choose to have.
While I agree haranguing someone over a decision repeatedly may not prove fruitful, if they believed your eternal soul was at stake, then it is likely out of love that they were so concerned. It may be hard to see that as it simply comes off as annoying to the recipient.

You can simply choose to invite them, but not pressure them or be angry if they cannot participate for religious reasons. The same decency you seem to expect from them, no?

 

[EnglishTeacher]

I found a good guide by Fr. Francis Hoffman at Our Sunday Visitor: “May I Attend the Wedding?” While it doesn’t provide a definitive answer for all cases, it is helpful, and so I am linking to the article above, in case anyone else reading this thread is looking for guidance on this question.