Do we have any responsibility to help save the soul of someone we had an affair with?

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Not sure if this is the right category to post or not, but:

Do we have any responsibility to help save the soul of someone we had an affair with? After several years of being in a romantic affair with another women, God in His mercy and love lifted the scales from my eyes. I have confessed this to a priest and been forgiven.

The women is Christian, but not Catholic. Since my awakening in the last 1-2yrs. I try to say the Rosary daily thanking our Lord for His mercy and forgiveness and even offer my prayers for this women and her family. We still keep in touch, only in a prayerful manor and both realize how offensive our actions were to God.

How will this Protestant women reach the Kingdom without the Sacraments and do we as Catholics have any responsibility for encouraging a conversion, even if it is with someone we have been unfaithful with?
 
Trey1 said:
Not sure if this is the right category to post or not, but:

Do we have any responsibility to help save the soul of someone we had an affair with? After several years of being in a romantic affair with another women, God in His mercy and love lifted the scales from my eyes. I have confessed this to a priest and been forgiven.

The women is Christian, but not Catholic. Since my awakening in the last 1-2yrs. I try to say the Rosary daily thanking our Lord for His mercy and forgiveness and even offer my prayers for this women and her family. We still keep in touch, only in a prayerful manor and both realize how offensive our actions were to God.

How will this Protestant women reach the Kingdom without the Sacraments and do we as Catholics have any responsibility for encouraging a conversion, even if it is with someone we have been unfaithful with?
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Pray for her conversion, that is all you SHOULD do given the circumstances. Even if you weren’t married and an affair had never happened, “missionary dating” as it is called (dating someone in hopes of trying to convert them) is wrong and simply a bad idea at many levels. Same goes for what you’re asking about but on so many more levels.
 
you are rationalizing…

the only one you have any responsibility towards is your wife. Please consentrate all of your feelings, thoughts, prayers, energy, and emotion on her.
 
Cut all ties EXCEPT prayer, pray for her. The Holy Spirit will work in His own way.

Pray for your wife as well.
 
Sure, pray for her, if it doesn’t cause temptation (thinking of her). I would pray for reparation rather than dwelling too much on her.
Also, there is absolutely no need to keep in touch in any manner, prayerful or not. Honestly, keeping in touch in a prayerful manner sounds very dangerous to me. There is intimacy in prayer, plus it sounds like an excuse, even if it is unintentional, to have some sort of contact.
 
Pray that she repairs her soul and repents. No contact, that would be a betrayal to your wife and to your claim of repentance.

And please, could we stop using “romantic” to euphemistically refer to illicit sex? There is nothing “romantic” about betraying your vows, risking giving STDs to your spouse, and helping someone else commit mortal sin!
 
I have had her in my prayers, and never given any thought of anything else until the readings from this past Sunday 9/7.

"Reading 1
Ez 33:7-9

Thus says the LORD:
You, son of man, I have appointed watchman for the house of Israel;
when you hear me say anything, you shall warn them for me.
If I tell the wicked, “O wicked one, you shall surely die, ”
and you do not speak out to dissuade the wicked from his way,
the wicked shall die for his guilt,
but I will hold you responsible for his death.
But if you warn the wicked,
trying to turn him from his way,
and he refuses to turn from his way,
he shall die for his guilt,
but you shall save yourself."

My wife is foremost and after months and months of reading, praying and discernment, their are never any thoughts of temptation, only going forward in the Lord.
 
Hi Trey–it would be wise to cut all ties…and just keep her in your prayers. If you were meant to somehow be in this person’s life, God would have led you there without adultery. Without immorality. But, you and she chose to have an affair, and God wouldn’t place two people together in such a way…BUT, you can pray for her. I wouldn’t continue chatting with her though…

God bless! And so glad that God rescued you from that sin.:o
 
OK, first, if this was your motivation, then you are worrying about yourself, not any consequence to her. Because that reading is very clear that the one who fails to admonish will be punished.

Also, you have no relationship or obligation to her. You are not a member of her family. You are not her friend. You are not a member of her church community. You were her partner in sin. It is up to people who love her, care about her, and have relationships and therefore obligations to her, to admonish her.

That reading applies only to those whom we have obligation and opportunity to admonish. As you are obligated by your marital vows and repentance never to contact her again, this warning does not apply to you.

And, I think you need to be honest with yourself. You ARE tempted. You are looking for reasons to contact her and interact with her, and cloaking it in religion. I think you are living in some serious denial, and until you admit it, you are at risk of cheating again.
 
Dumb question maybe, but how is this protestant woman’s soul in danger? What I have read of the CCC and here- its not.
She can still get to heaven. It will be through the church even if she never joins the church. And, right now how is she going to feel about being a catholic after all this? She may have a bad feeling about how catholics treat their spouses now. :o

I am glad you are out of this sin now. I will look up the right verse, but in Ephesians there is a chapter that speaks to the marital relationship christ has with his church. I think it may help you stay away from being tempted to this sin again. I will check it out, if I can find it for you.
🙂
 
Sometimes I come across other support forums that really coincide with posts I read here. I don’t know the forum rules on pasting links, but I STRONGLY suggest the OP google: Surviving Infidelity. Read the message board for support from (former) wayward spouses, they can tell you why this is a very bad idea.

I also strongly suggest you put her to prayer specifically for one last time and then stop her from taking rental space in your mind. Everytime you think about her and/or her soul, picture your wife and whether or not she would like you thinking about this other lady at all.

Don’t worry, God knows all about this ladies soul and he loves her soul more than you can imagine. He also knows that you don’t need to preoccupy your time thinking about her, you need to focus on the sacrament of Marriage first and foremost.
 
duskyjewel said:
OK, first, if this was your motivation, then you are worrying about yourself, not any consequence to her. Because that reading is very clear that the one who fails to admonish will be punished.

Also, you have no relationship or obligation to her. You are not a member of her family. You are not her friend. You are not a member of her church community. You were her partner in sin. It is up to people who love her, care about her, and have relationships and therefore obligations to her, to admonish her.

That reading applies only to those whom we have obligation and opportunity to admonish. As you are obligated by your marital vows and repentance never to contact her again, this warning does not apply to you.

And, I think you need to be honest with yourself. You ARE tempted. You are looking for reasons to contact her and interact with her, and cloaking it in religion. I think you are living in some serious denial, and until you admit it, you are at risk of cheating again.
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This is a little on the fringe of the topic, but the Priest at our Parish spoke of the the Reading and the Gospel, as two of the foundations to publicly counter Sen. P. and Sen. B.

"Gospel
Mt 18:15-20

Jesus said to his disciples:
“If your brother sins against you,
go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.
If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.
If he does not listen,
take one or two others along with you,
so that ‘every fact may be established
on the testimony of two or three witnesses.’
If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church.
If he refuses to listen even to the church,
then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.
Amen, I say to you,
whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven,
and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
Again, amen, I say to you,
if two of you agree on earth
about anything for which they are to pray,
it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father.
For where two or three are gathered together in my name,
there am I in the midst of them.”

And this tells us as Catholics to speak out about the Truth to those in our midst not just our family and friends. However given circumstances it would probable be better for everyones salvation to move on.
 
As someone who’s been cheated on, my advice is this: pray for the other woman, but don’t have any contact with her whatsoever. Your relationship with your wife comes first, and that includes not giving her a single reason not to trust you.
 
Prayer might be a tool that the devil can use to keep you “connected” to this other woman. Turn her over to God. And then be done with her, completely sever ALL ties. As the wife of a man who left for another woman, I would have wanted him to focus his life on God and the marriage. It’s too risky, in my opinion, to continue to keep this woman in your mind, heart, prayer life. Feeling responsible and a certain amount of fondness might lead to a little more time spent thinking about her, praying for her, wondering how she’s doing, feeling protective of her, you get the idea.
My confessor gave me this advice in regards to a person I was having so much anger towards, that it’s “okay” to not pray for someone, if you are honest to God that you want the higher good. In my case, that higher good was a release from the sins that were stemming from my anger. In your case, maybe the higher good is your pure relationship with your wife. God understands.
My suggestion for someone in your circumstance is sever ALL ties.
 
Trey1 said:
Not sure if this is the right category to post or not, but:

Do we have any responsibility to help save the soul of someone we had an affair with? After several years of being in a romantic affair with another women, God in His mercy and love lifted the scales from my eyes. I have confessed this to a priest and been forgiven.

The women is Christian, but not Catholic. Since my awakening in the last 1-2yrs. I try to say the Rosary daily thanking our Lord for His mercy and forgiveness and even offer my prayers for this women and her family. We still keep in touch, only in a prayerful manor and both realize how offensive our actions were to God.

How will this Protestant women reach the Kingdom without the Sacraments and do we as Catholics have any responsibility for encouraging a conversion, even if it is with someone we have been unfaithful with?
Click to expand...
www.e5men.org
Let’s concentrate on saving you own soul first. It almost sounds like you want to connect again, maybe on a subconscience level:shrug: . But no matter how noble you efforts are mean to be stay away and pray and fast for her. See www.e5men.org listen to the testimonies.
 
eucharisteo said:
www.e5men.org
Let’s concentrate on saving you own soul first. It almost sounds like you want to connect again, maybe on a subconscience level:shrug: . But no matter how noble you efforts are mean to be stay away and pray and fast for her. See www.e5men.org listen to the testimonies.
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This seems like a very good site. Between sites like this, the teachings of Fatima and the hundreds of others right at our finger tips. I am believing even stronger that, I can turn the person I have been married to all these years around, who has made our marriage and home a war zone for the past two decades.
 
Trey1 said:
Do we have any responsibility to help save the soul of someone we had an affair with?
Click to expand...
It would be charitable to pray for all sinners, even the ones we’ve sinned with to save their souls and our own, but leave out the contact.
 
I found the chapter and verses.
Ephesians 5:23-28 are the ones I reccomend for reading.
Also, there is an excellent site to help too:
www.exceptionalmarriages.com

If what you say is true in your most recent postings, than all the more you can not waste one second of time on the former other woman, and spend more time praying for your marriage and wife.🙂
 
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