Do we really need to have a big expensive wedding?!

[Sarcelle]

OP; when I was very new in Ireland I met a young woman who had a delightful toddler.

She was living with the man, but knew it was wrong and it grieved her mighitly

The couple had had to make a choice,Between an Irish wedding and somewhere to live.

Both had large families and Irish weddings are huge events and costly.

I spoke to a dear friend, a Franciscan Friar, about maybe blessing them and he declared. " we will marry them!"

So between us we organised a small,deeply meaninglful, secret wedding, It was delightful. I made the cake and did the wild flowers she wanted,

Yes it is YOUR choice. And a grand idea… Wishing more here would do this rather than living together as so many do.

Now that is a fairy tale wedding.

 

[chevalier]

We need to observe the sixth commandment. Rushing the wedding to avoid occasions of sin in the engagement might not always be the most prudent idea, but neither are those long engagements when the wait drags on and on.

Also, by now you must have noticed our lifespans are not unlimited, nor can we apply to get our best years back. In this context delaying marriage to spend several years putting money aside for a huge dinner (or especially drinking party) does not strike me as a the smartest thing to do. It becomes even less smart with age if one is female, due to fertility (men are immune to time either).

 

[ConfusedLucy]

We need to observe the sixth commandment. Rushing the wedding to avoid occasions of sin in the engagement might not always be the most prudent idea, but neither are those long engagements when the wait drags on and on.

Also, by now you must have noticed our lifespans are not unlimited, nor can we apply to get our best years back. In this context delaying marriage to spend several years putting money aside for a huge dinner (or especially drinking party) does not strike me as a the smartest thing to do. It becomes even less smart with age if one is female, due to fertility (men are immune to time either).

I’ve never really understood long engagements although a lot of my friends had them. When my husband and I were dating we both agreed that we wouldn’t get engaged until we were actually ready to get married. He proposed in January and we tied the knot in November. A lot of people thought it really strange and said we would struggle to find a venue and it takes a year to buy a wedding dress etc. We just wanted to get married.

 

[chevalier]

I’ve never really understood long engagements although a lot of my friends had them. When my husband and I were dating we both agreed that we wouldn’t get engaged until we were actually ready to get married. He proposed in January and we tied the knot in November. A lot of people thought it really strange and said we would struggle to find a venue and it takes a year to buy a wedding dress etc. We just wanted to get married.

Personally, I suspect I’ll know well within the first hour. If ever.

 

[Arebella]

Some background: I had a huge wedding, in a cathedral, with over 500 invited guests. I am the only child of my parents, and the youngest grandchild of both sets of grandparents. My mother had 12 brothers and sisters and I have dozens of cousins. My mother had 4 miscarriages before I was born, and she desperately wanted children. I was not due until January, but was born in early November, nearly 2 months premature. This was back in the mid-1950’s, when tiny premature babies rarely survived. My parents lived with my mother’s parents, to help them stay on their farm as they got older. I had cousins 40 yrs older than me, and was the baby of the family. Both my material grandfather and grandmother were immigrants to this country from Slovakia in the early 1900’s. My grandmother married my grandfather at 14 and had her first child at 15. She had a total of 15 children, 12 of whom survived. There had not been a baby in her house for many years. Needless to say, I was the very spoiled and very much loved baby of the family.

I think my mother and grandmother started planning my wedding on the day I was born. Since neither of them had much of a wedding, it was important to them that I have a very large, very family-inclusive wedding. I went along with it to make them happy. I would have preferred a much smaller, simpler wedding, but I could not take away their joy in all the planning and all the preparation. I have never regretted making them so happy and my wedding day memories are filled with so many happy moments spent with the large extended family we have. It was a “spectacle” complete with a wedding gown that had a 10 foot cathedral length train, but now, I would not change a minute of it. The tears in my grandmother’s eyes as I walked down the aisle were worth every minute and effort. She always said that my wedding day was her happiest moment in this life. That was 37 years ago and I am still married to my “prince”, who put up with it all to make her happy and who made me see that someday I would be glad that I did it - for her and my mother. I am glad now.

So make your decision based on what you want, but also remember that your wedding day is not yours alone. I hope that in 37 yrs you too, can be at peace with your decision and have no regrets about the decision you made.

 

[AdamP88]

Some background: I had a huge wedding, in a cathedral, with over 500 invited guests. I am the only child of my parents, and the youngest grandchild of both sets of grandparents. My mother had 12 brothers and sisters and I have dozens of cousins. My mother had 4 miscarriages before I was born, and she desperately wanted children. I was not due until January, but was born in early November, nearly 2 months premature. This was back in the mid-1950’s, when tiny premature babies rarely survived. My parents lived with my mother’s parents, to help them stay on their farm as they got older. I had cousins 40 yrs older than me, and was the baby of the family. Both my material grandfather and grandmother were immigrants to this country from Slovakia in the early 1900’s. My grandmother married my grandfather at 14 and had her first child at 15. She had a total of 15 children, 12 of whom survived. There had not been a baby in her house for many years. Needless to say, I was the very spoiled and very much loved baby of the family.

I think my mother and grandmother started planning my wedding on the day I was born. Since neither of them had much of a wedding, it was important to them that I have a very large, very family-inclusive wedding. I went along with it to make them happy. I would have preferred a much smaller, simpler wedding, but I could not take away their joy in all the planning and all the preparation. I have never regretted making them so happy and my wedding day memories are filled with so many happy moments spent with the large extended family we have. It was a “spectacle” complete with a wedding gown that had a 10 foot cathedral length train, but now, I would not change a minute of it. The tears in my grandmother’s eyes as I walked down the aisle were worth every minute and effort. She always said that my wedding day was her happiest moment in this life. That was 37 years ago and I am still married to my “prince”, who put up with it all to make her happy and who made me see that someday I would be glad that I did it - for her and my mother. I am glad now.

So make your decision based on what you want, but also remember that your wedding day is not yours alone. I hope that in 37 yrs you too, can be at peace with your decision and have no regrets about the decision you made.

Yes. This.

 

[Irishmom2]

Some background: I had a huge wedding, in a cathedral, with over 500 invited guests. I am the only child of my parents, and the youngest grandchild of both sets of grandparents. My mother had 12 brothers and sisters and I have dozens of cousins. My mother had 4 miscarriages before I was born, and she desperately wanted children. I was not due until January, but was born in early November, nearly 2 months premature. This was back in the mid-1950’s, when tiny premature babies rarely survived. My parents lived with my mother’s parents, to help them stay on their farm as they got older. I had cousins 40 yrs older than me, and was the baby of the family. Both my material grandfather and grandmother were immigrants to this country from Slovakia in the early 1900’s. My grandmother married my grandfather at 14 and had her first child at 15. She had a total of 15 children, 12 of whom survived. There had not been a baby in her house for many years. Needless to say, I was the very spoiled and very much loved baby of the family.

I think my mother and grandmother started planning my wedding on the day I was born. Since neither of them had much of a wedding, it was important to them that I have a very large, very family-inclusive wedding. I went along with it to make them happy. I would have preferred a much smaller, simpler wedding, but I could not take away their joy in all the planning and all the preparation. I have never regretted making them so happy and my wedding day memories are filled with so many happy moments spent with the large extended family we have. It was a “spectacle” complete with a wedding gown that had a 10 foot cathedral length train, but now, I would not change a minute of it. The tears in my grandmother’s eyes as I walked down the aisle were worth every minute and effort. She always said that my wedding day was her happiest moment in this life. That was 37 years ago and I am still married to my “prince”, who put up with it all to make her happy and who made me see that someday I would be glad that I did it - for her and my mother. I am glad now.

So make your decision based on what you want, but also remember that your wedding day is not yours alone. I hope that in 37 yrs you too, can be at peace with your decision and have no regrets about the decision you made.

Beautiful respect for your family on your special day.