Do weddings always make families go nuts?

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skigirl1689

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Ok, maybe I am being a little facetious, but I am thinking it is a little true… My sister is getting married in the summer and it’s just crazy.

They’re getting married in a different denominational church than either our family or his, so none of the parents are happy about it. I just don’t say anything, though I don’t really like it either as the minister is anti-Catholic (printed things in the paper) and half of my family is and his is as well, though I am not. So my parents complain to me about this choice, but no one says anything to her or ask her why they decided this. Like I know this?

We have to tip-toe around her when it comes to anything wedding related because it is so touchy and get snapped at. I don’t say anything if I don’t have to, but then other family members get upset at each other because of all of this, and at times it is difficult to deal with. I’m not involved in the wedding but by default have to deal with everything as I am the sister. Oh and because of distance issues they’ll be 2 showers, not that I am against it, but it is just more drama and stress.

I shouldn’t be complaining in all honesty, but it stresses me out because there is no escaping the disagreements, hurt feelings, disapprovals, etc.

Is every wedding, or pre-wedding period, like this? I am thinking if I ever got married, it’d be a private, tiny ceremony. Perhaps I just needed to vent:shrug:
 
Yes. Just remember "this too shall "pass

Also perhaps a viewing of "Sixteen Candles"would help
 
estesbob said:
Yes. Just remember "this too shall "pass

Also perhaps a viewing of "Sixteen Candles"would help
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Never seen that one…I’ll have to see it. :). Yes, it will pass too quickly, but right now it is like everything will go on forever. Glad to know this is “the norm.”
 
Generally speaking, a wedding does have the tendency to make everything in your life go nuts.
 
Couples who are marrying tend to forget that they are not just marrying each other–they are marrying each other’s famlies too. And that can get complicated. At least they are merging families to a greater or lesser extent. And when there is a lot of disagreement–especially about a matter as basic as religion–well, it gets even more complicated.
 
I don’t think weddings make families go nuts. I do think they tend to show off the nuts that are already there. At any rate, it seems like the solution to your problem is simple. Don’t offer any advice or opinion about the upcoming wedding unless it is an affirmation of what they are already planning. Keep negative opinions to yourself. If you are asked just say, “I think you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable.” Then attend the wedding and have a good time. I think you should do this and be an example to the rest of the relations. If anyone tries to complain to you about it, just tell them to be there and look stunning. The rest will be taken care of and eveyone will have a good time.
 
My wife and I did all the planning for our wedding, and while there were some pretty stressful moments, for the most part it was not. But I can tell you it isn’t the norm because we’ve had so many people tell us, “Did you guys hire a wedding planner? You don’t seem to have been stressed at all during your wedding planning, you seem very laid back.”

Granted, there were some “freak out” moments from both sides of the family on varying issues. Her side (non-denom Christians) was more about the “He’s a Catholic, and Catholic this, and Catholics that”, but my lovely wife kept her cool. My side was more about “Money this, Money that, How are you paying for that?”.

So, it varies per couple, but I’d say that most people seem to get stressed about it and go crazy about any details. So, just keep it up.
 
My wedding didn’t make me or my family go nuts. My younger sister got married four months after I did and in another country, and yet no one went nuts.

My baby sister got married a couple of years after in a “destination wedding”–because it was cheaper than a local wedding. No nuts. No drama.

Maybe my experience is odd? 🤷
 
I was Catholic. He was Catholic, and our parents are all Catholic. So no It was beautiful, and went smoothly. No arguments
 
Regina_Love said:
I was Catholic. He was Catholic, and our parents are all Catholic. So no It was beautiful, and went smoothly. No arguments
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If both spouses to be and families are Catholic that gets rid of a lot of potential friction points.
 
You asked: Do weddings always make families go nuts?

YES.

If I had it all to do over, we would elope.
 
chevalier said:
Generally speaking, a wedding does have the tendency to make everything in your life go nuts.
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If both sets of parents are seeing their third or fourth child being married off, though, they calm down a lot. (Kind of like having kids in the first place, I guess! :D)
 
Dakota_Roberts said:
If both spouses to be and families are Catholic that gets rid of a lot of potential friction points.
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I’d make an argument that if both spouses are Catholic…it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thinks.

That was my case. Hubby and I were so recently Catholic (both received into the Church less then a month before the wedding) and my family was non-practicing and his was non-denominational.

Any kind of comment we got from anyone about the Church and/or ceremony was promptly met with a “it’s not your wedding, it’s our wedding.” Full stop. Besides…hubby and I were footing the bill. This resulted in a further comment…“Are you paying? No? Okay, then.”

Everyone else seemed to find our wedding stressful.
Hubby and I didn’t.

Most of the resistance came from our MIL…who seemed to have opinions about everything. However, my husband is seriously blunt and would say: “mom, I really don’t care what you think…it’s not going to happen.”

To the OP…it will pass and if I were you…I’d continue to do what you are doing and not pass any opinion about it…regardless of the circumstance.
The less you are involved…the better.
Do what you need to do…get A (read: one) shower gift, wear something nice, and be their on time.
Don’t read into it any further.
If it’s a wedding you can’t support or attend. Politely decline and explain why…make no further inquiry and move on.
 
Allegra said:
I don’t think weddings make families go nuts. I do think they tend to show off the nuts that are already there. At any rate, it seems like the solution to your problem is simple. Don’t offer any advice or opinion about the upcoming wedding unless it is an affirmation of what they are already planning. Keep negative opinions to yourself. If you are asked just say, “I think you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable.” Then attend the wedding and have a good time. I think you should do this and be an example to the rest of the relations. If anyone tries to complain to you about it, just tell them to be there and look stunning. The rest will be taken care of and eveyone will have a good time.
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I think you hit it on the head…it’s a lot of issues that were below the surface and are surfacing now that the planning (or lack of) is coming to a head. I have been good with keeping quiet but living in the same house as my parents and them discussing it around me, it has proven challenging. I even got yelled at by my sister for contributing to any (even non-wedding discussions) conversation I do not initiate, which is ridiculous as I live here (due to circumstances beyond my control). Really not nice!
triumphguy said:
In a word, and as a guy - Yes!
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Yeah, I hear you! I find myself shaking my head right with my dad most of the time:o
Dakota_Roberts said:
If both spouses to be and families are Catholic that gets rid of a lot of potential friction points.
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Well, it’s not my wedding and they chose to go with a third denomination no one is affiliated with. Both moms would have been ok with either other two denominations.
EasterJoy said:
If both sets of parents are seeing their third or fourth child being married off, though, they calm down a lot. (Kind of like having kids in the first place, I guess! :D)
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I hope so! It’s the first in my immediate family so that probably says a lot!
Kelfa28 said:
To the OP…it will pass and if I were you…I’d continue to do what you are doing and not pass any opinion about it…regardless of the circumstance.
The less you are involved…the better.
Do what you need to do…get A (read: one) shower gift, wear something nice, and be their on time.
Don’t read into it any further.
If it’s a wedding you can’t support or attend. Politely decline and explain why…make no further inquiry and move on.
Click to expand...
Yes, I am only getting one shower gift, and everyone understands that, thank goodness :).

I’m just really anxious about what to wear. Someone told me not to get a new outfit, though I’d pay for it. Then finding something that is not an “off-limit” color, including any shade of the bridal party color, not too fancy or too casual, too “attention-getting,” too long or too short, or too bright or too dark, is proving difficult! I feel like whatever I chose, someone will think it’s inappropriate.
 
I’m just really anxious about what to wear. Someone told me not to get a new outfit, though I’d pay for it. Then finding something that is not an “off-limit” color, including any shade of the bridal party color, not too fancy or too casual, too “attention-getting,” too long or too short, or too bright or too dark, is proving difficult! I feel like whatever I chose, someone will think it’s inappropriate.
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😃 Too funny! That tells me you should go with something flattering, in a color you like, that you are likey to wear again. Don’t take anyone with you to buy it (or take a friend who is also not part of the wedding), don’t show it to anyone befoer the wedding, just put it on, be there on time, and smile nicely.

With my sisters and sil wedding there was a bit of angst, but not much. During my wedding planning, my fil was diagnosed with cancer so that put everything into perspective! We’ve been married 20 years and he’s well and doing great, so we thank God!!
 
Allegra said:
I don’t think weddings make families go nuts. I do think they tend to show off the nuts that are already there.
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Well, yes, that too!

As the family therapists like to say, this is the definition of a dysfunctional family:
**Dysfunctional family: **Any family with more than one person in it.

Even the Holy Family had that little Temple incident to get through, not to mention the earlier inevitable scandal around when Mary’s firstborn was conceived, finding themselves days out of their home town when she was due, and without hotel reservations, visitors dropping in with everything from sheep to camels in tow, last minute moves to foreign countries…you name it!
 
EasterJoy said:
If both sets of parents are seeing their third or fourth child being married off, though, they calm down a lot. (Kind of like having kids in the first place, I guess! :D)
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Parents are nothing next to the bride or grooms’s personality transformation once she or he has a ring on your finger. 😛

Something I read today:

“Brittannica for sale, good condition, 40 volumes. I will no longer need it. I married last week. Wife knows better anyway.”
 
You’ve posted here several times about your sister’s wedding. The only advice I can give you is that this is a really stressful, but really joyful time for your sister and your family as a whole. You seem to me like a younger sister who feels left out and forgotten. Trust me, you aren’t. But not much tops a wedding in terms of family focus, except maybe the birth of a baby. Someday you’ll be the bride and all of the attention (and stress) will be yours. Life is cyclical like that.
 
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