Do women cry?

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ToeInTheWater

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I was tempted to ask this question the “Do men cry” topic since it seems to be yet another example of people assuming “All men are the same when it comes to…”

It also seems many of the people responding there assume that all women cry at the drop of a hat and are comfortable doing so in public.

Yet, I personally rarely cry. Some sad movies and books do inspire tears to well up in me, though. Though ironically, when I was a child I did indeed cry over very minor things. Not sure what happened to me along the way.

I think there is also a big cultural aspect to this. There are cultures where it is acceptable for both men and women to be open with their emotions, where it’s acceptable for mourners at funerals to be literally rolling on the floor in tears overcome with grief, etc. But that is not really considered “the done thing” in the US.
 
Yeah.

It’s possible I’ve never seen my mom cry, or if it happened that it was only once.
 
I’m not a crier when it comes to personal issues. Probably due to my very stoic ancestry; neither side of my family is expressive and there wasn’t a lot of laughter even. In fact the only time I remember really laughing was reading books by Erma Bombeck, and John R Powers and the humor pages in Reader’s Digest, all of which I read over and over. I sometimes cry watching movies, reading books, listening to music. If I cry, I’m more likely to do so in private. If I cry in public it might be a big deal - my pain spectrum is “ouch,” cussing, laughter, tears, (almost) passing out.
 
Xantippe said:
Yeah.

It’s possible I’ve never seen my mom cry, or if it happened that it was only once.
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Both of my parents are pretty stoic. I actually have more memories of my father crying, than my mother doing so.
 
I cry very easily, but it’s not the stereotypical wailing helplessness that is often thought of as “feminine.” I’m just deeply moved by things, both happy and sad. I used to be ashamed of it, but I’m not anymore. I just keep tissues handy. 😃
 
I hate crying and rarely do it.
I quit going to confession and largely quit going to Mass for 20 years because anxiety and worries would cause me to cry in those places. I was embarrassed.
 
It is a strange cultural thing. It’s ok to laugh or get angry or show love - but you can’t cry.

The Stoics would say that you shouldn’t show any emotion because that’s a sign of weakness or softness.
 
I don’t now too many guys who do this, but I have known a few women who use crying and tears to manipulate those around them. I can’t say that this is always done at a conscious level, but the fact remains, for example, once the tears start, the argument stops. Is that a chauvinistic observation on my part?
 
christofirst said:
I don’t now too many guys who do this, but I have known a few women who use crying and tears to manipulate those around them. I can’t say that this is always done at a conscious level, but the fact remains, for example, once the tears start, the argument stops. Is that a chauvinistic observation on my part?
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I suppose that does happen, but it wasn’t a thing in my family culture and would have been highly disapproved of when I was a kid. Thou Shalt Not Complain! Thou Shalt Not Cry! Thou Shalt Not Ask For Things!

One thing I have to point out is that in some families or relationships, there is no “legal” way to win arguments, so that the manipulative crying may be the only way to deal with a pig-headed male relative. This is especially true for couples that go in for heavy duty wifely submission–in those couples, the husband could (under the official rules they operate) conceivably get his way 100% of the time.

Dorothy Cummings McLean (the Canadian Catholic writer) says that the only way for a woman to win an argument with a Polish man is to burst into tears. I’m sure that’s a bit exaggerated, but I think it does reflect certain cultural realities.
 
christofirst said:
I don’t now too many guys who do this, but I have known a few women who use crying and tears to manipulate those around them. I can’t say that this is always done at a conscious level, but the fact remains, for example, once the tears start, the argument stops. Is that a chauvinistic observation on my part?
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A little bit, yeah. If you are basing what you said on the actions of a few women you know, that would be wrong. Women are not all like that, and to dump us all into that generalization is just a mistake on your part. 🤷
 
christofirst said:
I don’t now too many guys who do this, but I have known a few women who use crying and tears to manipulate those around them. I can’t say that this is always done at a conscious level, but the fact remains, for example, once the tears start, the argument stops. Is that a chauvinistic observation on my part?
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Do you think you know when women are crying to be manipulative or when they are crying because they are frustrated or angry? I haven’t done either since I was a child but I feel I’ve come close but I have maintained control, not because I’m worried about looking manipulative but because I don’t want to look weak. So now I can expect that someone might think I’m being manipulative, too.:rolleyes:

BTW, I know men who use crying and tears to manipulate too. I mean, drop to the ground and sob or being fine until they know they have an audience. Others cry, and it’s not manipulative; it’s, “how did I get to this place in my life?” It’s pain. I can tell the difference.
 
Yeah, I think in this day and age the crying-for-manipulation thing is done by both men and women.
I may have done it to be manipulative when I was very young, but at the age I am now, if I burst into tears I am extremely frustrated and extremely upset and if the argument stops it’s because things are above 7 on the emotional Richter scale.
 
ToeInTheWater said:
I was tempted to ask this question the “Do men cry” topic since it seems to be yet another example of people assuming “All men are the same when it comes to…”

It also seems many of the people responding there assume that all women cry at the drop of a hat and are comfortable doing so in public.

Yet, I personally rarely cry. Some sad movies and books do inspire tears to well up in me, though. Though ironically, when I was a child I did indeed cry over very minor things. Not sure what happened to me along the way.

I think there is also a big cultural aspect to this. There are cultures where it is acceptable for both men and women to be open with their emotions, where it’s acceptable for mourners at funerals to be literally rolling on the floor in tears overcome with grief, etc. But that is not really considered “the done thing” in the US.
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I don’t know about that, where it’s not acceptable to really cry and show emotions here at a funeral in the U.S., unless I’m misunderstanding your post?

I’ve been to funerals where people have really grieved for their deceased loved one. In some instances, I was that grieving person.

I cry whenever I need to. I don’t hold back, and sometimes it will happen in public, if I’m really upset or frustrated about something. I’ve always been like that, and I probably always will be that kind of person.

In fact, I was crying today out of gratitude towards the deep kindness and compassion that another person had repeatedly showed me over time, and I wanted to tell her how much her caring demeanor had meant to me when I was going through a really rough time. I was moved to tears while talking to her.
 
christofirst said:
I don’t now too many guys who do this, but I have known a few women who use crying and tears to manipulate those around them. I can’t say that this is always done at a conscious level, but the fact remains, for example, once the tears start, the argument stops. Is that a chauvinistic observation on my part?
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:crying: You hurt my feelings! :bighanky: :dts:

Seriously though, I am at an age (and hormone level) where I cry at any little thing – “Oh the leaves on the trees are so pretty today.” :crying:

It’s embarrassing and I hate it. I especially hate it when I’m having a serious discussion with someone and I start to cry. I have literally told people to ignore my tears because I honestly can’t control them and they mean nothing. And once acknowledged, I can usually stop crying.

My son knows not to take my tears too seriously, though he does ask if he sees me crying. A simple “middle-aged hormone moment” lets him know it’s just mom being mom right now. And then we both get a chuckle about it. 🤷

Can’t wait for hot flashes…
 
Xantippe said:
I suppose that does happen, but it wasn’t a thing in my family culture and would have been highly disapproved of when I was a kid. Thou Shalt Not Complain! Thou Shalt Not Cry! Thou Shalt Not Ask For Things!

One thing I have to point out is that in some families or relationships, there is no “legal” way to win arguments, so that the manipulative crying may be the only way to deal with a pig-headed male relative. This is especially true for couples that go in for heavy duty wifely submission–in those couples, the husband could (under the official rules they operate) conceivably get his way 100% of the time.

Dorothy Cummings McLean (the Canadian Catholic writer) says that the only way for a woman to win an argument with a Polish man is to burst into tears. I’m sure that’s a bit exaggerated, but I think it does reflect certain cultural realities.
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Yep, our family culture was like this, and part of the reason I was made to feel deeply ashamed of crying, when really it’s that I was sensitive. But “sensitivity” equaled “weakness.”

Anger was the permitted emotion, and only my father was permitted to be angry, so, that was fun. 🤷
 
Gertabelle said:
:crying: You hurt my feelings! :bighanky: :dts:
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Okay! Okay! You’re right and I’m wrong. Sheesh! :rolleyes:

Seriously, though, I wasn’t suggesting that all or even most women would use tears in a manipulative way. I was mostly thinking of one relative in particular. She would burst into tears whenever she and husband’s arguing got a little heated, and it did seem to deflect the situation.
 
Gertabelle said:
:crying: You hurt my feelings! :bighanky: :dts:

Seriously though, I am at an age (and hormone level) where I cry at any little thing – “Oh the leaves on the trees are so pretty today.” :crying:

It’s embarrassing and I hate it. I especially hate it when I’m having a serious discussion with someone and I start to cry. I have literally told people to ignore my tears because I honestly can’t control them and they mean nothing. And once acknowledged, I can usually stop crying.

My son knows not to take my tears too seriously, though he does ask if he sees me crying. A simple “middle-aged hormone moment” lets him know it’s just mom being mom right now. And then we both get a chuckle about it. 🤷

Can’t wait for hot flashes…
Click to expand...
Oh my! This sounds so familiar.

When I was young I hardly ever cried; from teenager to early 20’s. I can even remember telling my husband, then boyfriend, he would never see me cry! Hahaha

Now, I’m always wailing! Sometimes I don’t even know why! Did anyone read the story mdgspencer linked to yesterday about the family caught in the rip current? I was reading it out loud to my family and had to keep stopping to get my tears under control!
 
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