does all of your conviction emerge from your belief and an unquestioning loyalty to God?
Greetings, 16000. I can say quite honestly that my relationship with the divine held very little of interest until I got rid of all the old notions I’d been taught growing up, and which were reinforced in the more conservative elements of Protestantism. The image of God as a being, for instance, had to go. St. Augustine said, “if you can comprehend it, it’s not God”. So to continue picturing this image of a wise old man in flowing robes and long white beard as God proved to be nothing more, for me, than Santa Claus with an exclamation point. A being who rewards the good and punishes the wicked, keeping track always of who’s naughty and nice.
Bishop Robert Barron, reiterating Thomas Aquinas puts it this way;
God is not a being, God is all of being. God cannot be located spatially. He is nowhere, yet everywhere. I finally caught on to an idea along this line that I could grasp when I began thinking of God as all of energy; the vast and massive energy that powers everything from supernovas to flowering tulips. The energy that fills the universe is one aspect of God, the part we can see. This energy, again creating an image I could begin to understand, is itself conscious. After all, I said to some atheist friends, if nature could come up with a process that resulted in a species of thinking, reasoning, self aware creatures like us, it should not be a such a stretch to say that nature is also awake in this way. This, to me, is God.
Being attached for many years to a manipulative cult-like church, religion came between me and my well-meaning pursuits of God. I had to scrap literally everything and start from scratch. I tried the atheist line for a time, but it just never sat well with me. I had had far too many personal experiences which demonstrated a power beyond what I could see and feel. So in accepting that there was a God of some sort, some influence which felt friendly and supportive, I began rebuilding the quest I have had since childhood to know what lies beyond our senses. This journey has led me to Catholicism, but despite regular attendance at Mass, I keep it at arms’ length as the folks who know me here are well aware. I have no wish, currently, to “join” another religion, but at the same time have developed a deep appreciation of what good religion has done in the world and I wish to be a small part of that.