Do you believe you would have ever gotten married if you hadn't had premarital sex?

[MarcoPolo]

Roundtable in subject line. Obviously, it’s speculative.

Related questions:
Do you at least think your current spouse would have never continued to date you had you not consented to premarital sex?
Do you know others who likely never would have been married otherwise?

 

[Marie5890]

I do know many people, secular in their views, who were adamant that they would not have married their spouse if they had not slept with them first.

For them, they claim knowing that they were going to be compatible (libido levels, experience etc etc.) with their spouse was important.

Some admit they would never marry a virgin.

 

[pensmama87]

I was not pressured by my DH to have premarital sex (if anything, it was the other way around, before I was Catholic, and he was not really practicing.)

I think if we had not, we probably would have gotten married a lot sooner, actually (we were married five years after we started dating and had a two and a half year engagement). But we were pretty certain that we were going to get married well before we even were engaged. We just knew we were younger than normal and felt like we “didn’t have to rush,” especially since we really weren’t concerned about chastity at that time.

I think I would have preferred to get married sooner. DH says it all worked out and so he doesn’t have regrets, but when I ask what he would prefer our sons to do he says it would be better for them to wait, and if they find the right girl not to lollygag like we did.

 

[slh3016]

I know of many who may not have married their current spouse if they hadn’t already done so. For these people, the shame of failing and having to admit that failure to another potential husband in the future made them just hang on to what they already had.

 

[Xantippe]

Roundtable in subject line. Obviously, it’s speculative.

Related questions:
Do you at least think your current spouse would have never continued to date you had you not consented to premarital sex?
Do you know others who likely never would have been married otherwise?

My future husband and I did not have sex before marriage but we also did not date a long long long time–three months of dating until engagement and then married 5+ months after that. We were both 20-something graduate students at the time–22 and 25. Also, chastity was a joint effort. It wasn’t one of us fighting off the other with a chair and a whip. I know some couples eventually make that work, but I think it’s a terrible way to start. (Before I met my husband, I had a much older boyfriend that was really physically pushy, and I am every year increasingly happy that I did not marry him.)

I don’t ask personal questions in real life so I don’t know about other people. But online, there do seem to be plenty of people that waited for marriage.

 

[styrgwillidar]

Roundtable in subject line. Obviously, it’s speculative.

Do you believe you would have ever gotten married if you hadn’t had premarital sex?
Uh, certainly. The whole courtship was based on assessing compatibility, whether this was someone I respected with shared values and goals. You know, those things aside from physical attraction that make them desirable as life long companions.

Related questions:

Do you at least think your current spouse would have never continued to date you had you not consented to premarital sex?
No, she was quite content to date and figure out what kind of a person I was/am.

Do you know others who likely never would have been married otherwise?
Was never really into the intimate details of other folks relationships so I have no idea…

 

[Lorelei12]

I wouldn’t have married anyone who pressured me into sex. I can’t really answer the question- I didn’t have sex before marriage. And my husband continued to date me anyway.

 

[MJJean]

Roundtable in subject line. Obviously, it’s speculative.

Related questions:
Do you at least think your current spouse would have never continued to date you had you not consented to premarital sex?
Do you know others who likely never would have been married otherwise?

My first “marriage” (annulled) was solely because I got pregnant and thought it was the right thing to do. So, no, I would NOT have married my ex if we weren’t having premarital sex because I never would have become pregnant.

I’m remarried and we decided to marry within 3 months of meeting because we fell hard for each other almost immediately. That said, I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t have been in a relationship long enough to even get to the point of discussing marriage if it hadn’t “moved to the next level” and become physical first. We weren’t practicing Christians at the time and didn’t see anything wrong with premarital sex or cohabitation. Sex was an expected part of a romantic relationship. Without it, there must be something wrong.

From the purely secular point of view, there seemed to be an order to things. First you meet, then you have sex, then you live together for about a year or so, then you get married if you want to be married. Anything else was “risky” because if you married without following those steps you had no idea what you were getting into and would end up with a divorce.

I don’t think I know anybody who would have married their spouses without having had sex first.

My views are different now, of course.

I do know many people, secular in their views, who were adamant that they would not have married their spouse if they had not slept with them first.

For them, they claim knowing that they were going to be compatible (libido levels, experience etc etc.) with their spouse was important.

Some admit they would never marry a virgin.

Back when I was single, I was one of those people. I never would have married a man I hadn’t had sex with first for exactly the reasons cited. Back then, marrying without having a sexual relationship first seemed insane to me.

 

[Convert_in_99]

We unfortunately didn’t make it to our wedding night.

Yes we still got married. And our sex is SO much better in marriage than it was when we were dating. God is very wise in these matters!

 

[Kelfa28]

I wasn’t a virgin on my wedding night and neither was my husband.

I knew that I wanted to marry him within the first month of meeting him and dating him…way before we became sexually active.

While my husband didn’t feel the same way that early on…we’ve had this discussion before. He said he would have dated me even if I wanted to wait until marriage.

In fact, we probably would have gotten married much, much sooner if we had waited.

I believe that he would have dated me but I’m not sure if I would have continued to date him if I knew he was a virgin.

Keep in mind…I was a secular agnostic who had made quite a bit of mistakes in my life up until I had met him.

I thought that pre-marital sex was a prerequisite for marriage…that and moving in together. This meant you were serious about the relationship.
Clearly, I was misinformed.

I know plenty of people in relationships that would have fizzled out quickly if they could not have engaged in pre-marital sex.

In fact, I don’t think any of my friends…from high school to now (including my devote Catholic friends) who were virgins on their wedding night.

 

[triumphguy]

Roundtable in subject line. Obviously, it’s speculative.

Related questions:
Do you at least think your current spouse would have never continued to date you had you not consented to premarital sex?
Do you know others who likely never would have been married otherwise?

After you…

 

[MarcoPolo]

After you…

I’m not married.

 

[Ignatius]

Roundtable in subject line. Obviously, it’s speculative.

Actually, this as it exists now is the exception. Prior to the 1960’s degradation of morality, most people over the previous 2000 years got married without having premarital relations. In fact, for most of the first 1800 years, they were never allowed to be alone before entering into Holy Wedlock.

 

[ProdglArchitect]

My wife and I did not have sex prior to our wedding night, and we dated for three and a half years (to the day ) before we got married. We did do some stuff we shouldn’t have, but never allowed ourselves to give in and actually have sex. I honestly don’t know if it would have changed anything in terms of how long we waited, that was ultimately driven by financial issues. We were going to wait until after college, but decided not to when we realized that it would literally halve her tuition if we went ahead and got married. We were going to anyways, and had both been pretty sure since about six months into the relationship, so after we determined that it made sense to go ahead and do it, we did.

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

Roundtable in subject line. Obviously, it’s speculative.

Do you believe you would have ever gotten married if you hadn’t had premarital sex?

For me personally? Doubtful. It would have created a certain bitterness, and has in past relationships that were chaste. Unfortunately waiting works for some but is detrimental to others.

Related questions:
Do you at least think your current spouse would have never continued to date you had you not consented to premarital sex?

I’m actually not sure.

Do you know others who likely never would have been married otherwise?

Most people I know would not marry without premarital sex, but most of them are not as religious as I presume most here are.

I think the key to remember is that if two people are committed to chastity, they must have a better reason than “the Church says so.”. They need a reason that is meaningful to them. Otherwise, it’s easy for one or the other to feel negatively about remaining chaste.

 

[Xantippe]

Actually, this as it exists now is the exception. Prior to the 1960’s degradation of morality, most people over the previous 2000 years got married without having premarital relations. In fact, for most of the first 1800 years, they were never allowed to be alone before entering into Holy Wedlock.

Cite?

Given the fact that in the pre-Reformation period, informal secret exchanges of vows and secret marriages were quite common, that has to be wrong.

If you read English history around the time of the Tudors, clandestine marriages pop up quite frequently.

Here’s a short treatment of clandestine marriages:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fleet_Marriage

 

[truetofaith]

The Bible or the Churches do not condone Pre-marital sex.

So the question is moot!

 

[DaveBj]

Do you believe you would have ever gotten married if you hadn’t had premarital sex?

Would have I [eventually] gotten married? Probably.

Would I have married the woman whom I did marry, after having had pre-marital sex? Probably not.

 

[Kelfa28]

The Bible or the Churches do not condone Pre-marital sex.

So the question is moot!

Neither is the OP…the way I read it, at least.

It’s an interesting question to propose.

Lots of people do not and have not followed the Church’s teaching on this matter. It would be interesting to see how posters would respond to a question like this.

 

[pensmama87]

Neither is the OP…the way I read it, at least.

It’s an interesting question to propose.

Lots of people do not and have not followed the Church’s teaching on this matter. It would be interesting to see how posters would respond to a question like this.

I agree.

We know that even if we confess our sins there can be lingering effects. It seems like that’s what the thread is about. I don’t see anyone saying, “Yup I’m so glad I did all that sinnin’!”