Do You Ever "Feel"

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So a bit of an update. I went to Easter Vigil like I always do and thought, hey, I may not be feeling God or His Presence but at least I will be able to help welcome those coming into the Church.

Well, except for the elect and candidates celebrating the Sacraments, it was the worst Easter Vigil Mass I have ever been to in all my years. Now, I knew that there were going to be a one or two abuses during the Mass (small enough that I just pray for the parish instead of making a big deal out of it) but Easter Vigil was practically an accumulation of all the bad that hadn’t happened in the parish for over five years. We got a new pastor five years ago and though his theology is orthodox, his worship is Protestant.

The Exultant was sung by an individual that I have never seen in the parish before and the music was led by three guitars and three men, two whom I had never seen in the parish before or since. He changed the melody, sang it like a cheesy teenpop love song, and cut out the part where Father sings. They, the music, also changed the melodies of the responsorial psalms so that they were practically unsingable. They did not sing the Allelulia which I had been looking forward to all season. The Gloria was not the Gloria. They changed the litany of saints completely. The music chosen for the Mass, and except for one song, had no references to Christ or his resurrection and was the sugarpop stuff they play on Christian radio. Remember, guitars and sugarpop. The one song that was Catholic was the Canticle of Mary.

While we were waiting for the newly baptized to change into dry clothes (full immersion for Easter Vigil), a sacristan goes up to the alter servers and just talks to them. It was like I was at the dress rehersal for a play, not at Mass.

I was in tears for most of the Mass. It was like someone had died and everyone but me was celebrating the fact that this person was finally dead. I felt bereft. I was grieving, at least that’s what it felt like to me. The only time I was remotely happy was when the elect were baptized and during the confirmations.

I had already made the decision to start looking for a new parish but hadn’t completely given up on this parish. Until Saturday night. That just cemented the need to find a Catholic parish and not a Protestant lookalike that has the Eucharist.
 
Pacbox said:
It’s like everyone else can submit to God’s will, pray, etc. and have it come easy.
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  1. A lot of times, it’s not coming as easy to others as they let on. Or they may be on a different track than you (which does not mean either of you is doing anything wrong).
  2. I think I understand how you feel and I’ve been there, you’re not alone by a long shot.
Pacbox said:
That God prefers them and would rather not have anything to do with me. Hey, I wouldn’t want to deal with me sometimes.
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  1. Remember that, even if you were the only person alive on the earth, Christ would have died on the Cross just out of love for you.
Pacbox said:
But there seems to be such an emphasis on feeling and acting like God is in your life and that yes, this is indeed real, and yes it really is.
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  1. IMHO, emphasis on feelings to “show” faith is a newfangled invention of the last couple of centuries. Churches with a lot of “spirit” and “fellowship” bring in members so successfully…and they often lose them just as fast. Sometimes all the exhibitionism is making up for the lack of meat and potatoes.
  2. All areas of our lives will be happier if we can learn not to compare ourselves to others…in terms of salary, beauty, faith, everything.
God bless you!
 
Pacbox said:
So a bit of an update. I went to Easter Vigil like I always do and thought, hey, I may not be feeling God or His Presence but at least I will be able to help welcome those coming into the Church.

Well, except for the elect and candidates celebrating the Sacraments, it was the worst Easter Vigil Mass I have ever been to in all my years. Now, I knew that there were going to be a one or two abuses during the Mass (small enough that I just pray for the parish instead of making a big deal out of it) but Easter Vigil was practically an accumulation of all the bad that hadn’t happened in the parish for over five years. We got a new pastor five years ago and though his theology is orthodox, his worship is Protestant.

The Exultant was sung by an individual that I have never seen in the parish before and the music was led by three guitars and three men, two whom I had never seen in the parish before or since. He changed the melody, sang it like a cheesy teenpop love song, and cut out the part where Father sings. They, the music, also changed the melodies of the responsorial psalms so that they were practically unsingable. They did not sing the Allelulia which I had been looking forward to all season. The Gloria was not the Gloria. They changed the litany of saints completely. The music chosen for the Mass, and except for one song, had no references to Christ or his resurrection and was the sugarpop stuff they play on Christian radio. Remember, guitars and sugarpop. The one song that was Catholic was the Canticle of Mary.

While we were waiting for the newly baptized to change into dry clothes (full immersion for Easter Vigil), a sacristan goes up to the alter servers and just talks to them. It was like I was at the dress rehersal for a play, not at Mass.

I was in tears for most of the Mass. It was like someone had died and everyone but me was celebrating the fact that this person was finally dead. I felt bereft. I was grieving, at least that’s what it felt like to me. The only time I was remotely happy was when the elect were baptized and during the confirmations.

I had already made the decision to start looking for a new parish but hadn’t completely given up on this parish. Until Saturday night. That just cemented the need to find a Catholic parish and not a Protestant lookalike that has the Eucharist.
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And I predict that, when you find a new parish, you will most likely be a much happier person…The problems at the one you have been attending may be what has been dragging you down.
Keep praying, & never give up on God.
God bless.
 
Zooey said:
And I predict that, when you find a new parish, you will most likely be a much happier person…The problems at the one you have been attending may be what has been dragging you down.
Keep praying, & never give up on God.
God bless.
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Or at least a good part of what’s been dragging you down. It seems as though Christ’s Church has been undergoing a huge attack within the last 30 + years or so. Your story is not unusual unfortunately. Start looking for another Parish.

Most (if not ALL) of our great saints went through complete torture with exactly what you are describing. Most of what you are describing is pretty much what was experienced by St. Faustina, Mother Teresa, St. Teresa of Avila, (my Patron) St. John of the Cross…the list is endless. As others have said, KEEP PRAYING, NEVER NEVER GIVE UP ON GOD, HE WILL NEVER NEVER GIVE UP ON YOU.

Do you say the rosary? (my famous battlecry:) ) It is THE WEAPON. The Blessed Mother will ALWAYS help you. The Green Scapular is also very powerful with matters of faith. I have just sent away for some myself. The point being, Our Lord has given us many tools to help us. He knows exactly what “dryness” and seemingly total lack of faith we go through. Give it to Him. Even complain to Him if you feel so inclined. As others have said, “feelings” are not at all an indicator of what’s really going on.:gopray2:

Prayers, Tee
 
Well, I’m visiting a new parish tomorrow. This is entirely precipitated by the fact that I have an interview for a job in the morning and would definitely not making it to Mass at my parish. Yes, I know Sunday is an odd day for an interview, but hey JOB. I just wish all these major changes hadn’t come all at once because I’m a bit stressed and haven’t kept up with praying or Bible reading. Drinking soda again hasn’t helped either.

I was always taught you don’t switch parishes. You found a parish and that was that. So switching, just making the decision to search for a new parish is hard and stressful. I feel like I am abandoning my current parish and that I hadn’t worked hard enough to change it before deciding to leave. But even if I had tried to change my current parish, I would have met so much resistance because those in power positions demand and get their way.
 
Some of the Church’s greatest saints have felt this way. Hang in there! I’ll be praying for you.
 
Going back to something said before – not everybody “feels” God’s presence. Dorothy L. Sayers, for example, was a very good Christian writer and teacher, and was full of faith in God. But she said that her faith was totally through her intellect, not through any supernatural or even natural feelings.

She had a pretty strong intellect, of course. 🙂

A lot of times it seems as though life would be easier if we weren’t the people God made us to be. But we are, and it’s silly to reject the gifts we have for the ones that we envy in other people.

Also going back to something said before, St. John of the Cross’ book The Ascent of Mount Carmel and its sequel, The Dark Night of the Soul, are very helpful. So is St. Teresa of Avila’s book The Interior Castle. They talk a lot about dry and dark times, when God leads us and we don’t know it except by faith, and when God makes us exercise our faith muscles that way.
 
I learned this a long time ago–think I heard it on a Catholic channel…and it always stuck with me:

“Pray, even if you are not in the mood. Even if all you can muster is Jesus, help me. That is prayer. Every day, listen to at least one hour of Catholic tv, radio, read a book…even if you’re forcing it. Every bit counts.”

There have been times throughout my life, when I have been angry at God, no so much lukewarm, really…and was tempted to stop praying…stop listening to “The Word.” But, I heard this, and it truly changed my life and thinking.

Surrender, even if you feel hopeless and helpless…give God a little time each day, and soon…you will not be lukewarm anymore.
 
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