Do you find this funny? I didn't!

[whatevergirl]

So, I’m talking with my sister last night. She has a terrible day at work a few nights ago, and to make a long story short…she basically forgot about a client lunch that she had. The client was angry, and blasted her and sent emails up to her boss…even an ex boss of hers, (who is a friend of this client) Not sure why he got the email, but whatever. So, the ex boss calls my sister and tells her…don’t worry, he is just a weird guy…he’ll get over it. My sister says…‘what can I do to make this better?’ And get this…this ex boss of hers says…‘You can have wild and passionate sex with me.’ In a totally joking voice, my sister says…My sister laughed hysterically telling me this, and told me that she laughed back at him.

He then further ‘joked…’ why are you laughing? And he laughed again…

I said*…isn’t he married?* She says yes–he’s on his fourth wife now. I said…so, is this what people in your work think is funny? Married men joking that they want to sleep with other women?

She said…it was a JOKE, sharon. I said…would you laugh if my husband said it to you?

SILENCE on the other end of the phone.

She said…you’re right. But, what should I have said?

I said…there is a reason why that man CHOSE YOU to say that to. Be very careful to not flirt at work…or with married men. It’s not a joke, it’s not funny.

Am I being a prude…AGAIN? LOL

I would be mortified if my husband said anything like this to anyone but me. I was outraged hearing this. I would have been like*…dude, you’re married. No wonder you’re on wife number 4. *MAJOR EYE ROLL…THERE IS NO SMILEY THAT CAN SHOW THE EYE ROLL THAT I HAD WHEN MY SISTER WAS TELLING ME THIS!

AM I WRONG???

Men on here–what do you think, too? Please chime in.

 

[shannyk]

IMHO you’re not overreacting, it’s not funny in the least, and the reason people perceive things to be funny is because there is always an element of truth to them. It’s the ex boss’ way of couching an inappropriate comment. I think what you said to your sister is spot on. Bravo.

 

[JohnnyK]

Nope. Definitely not funny, pretty repulsive.

 

[SeekerJen]

No, you’re not a prude and it’s not funny. From what you’ve told us it sounds like he was only half-joking. She should be careful around him, and he needs to watch himself as well or else he could find himself hit with a sexual harassment lawsuit.

 

[Consecrated]

Just

NO, you are NOT wrong. The only appropriate response to that kind of “joke” is shocked silence and a chilling, “Well, I’ll talk to you later. GoodBYE.” click
If THAT doesn’t embarrass the heck out of the guy, thus hopefully making him think twice before making such lewd comments in the future, he’s really desensitized.

 

[Carjack1]

So, I’m talking with my sister last night. She has a terrible day at work a few nights ago, and to make a long story short…she basically forgot about a client lunch that she had. The client was angry, and blasted her and sent emails up to her boss…even an ex boss of hers, (who is a friend of this client) Not sure why he got the email, but whatever. So, the ex boss calls my sister and tells her…don’t worry, he is just a weird guy…he’ll get over it. My sister says…‘what can I do to make this better?’ And get this…this ex boss of hers says…‘You can have wild and passionate sex with me.’ In a totally joking voice, my sister says…My sister laughed hysterically telling me this, and told me that she laughed back at him.

He then further ‘joked…’ why are you laughing? And he laughed again…

I said*…isn’t he married?* She says yes–he’s on his fourth wife now. I said…so, is this what people in your work think is funny? Married men joking that they want to sleep with other women?

She said…it was a JOKE, sharon. I said…would you laugh if my husband said it to you?

SILENCE on the other end of the phone.

She said…you’re right. But, what should I have said?

I said…there is a reason why that man CHOSE YOU to say that to. Be very careful to not flirt at work…or with married men. It’s not a joke, it’s not funny.

Am I being a prude…AGAIN? LOL

I would be mortified if my husband said anything like this to anyone but me. I was outraged hearing this. I would have been like*…dude, you’re married. No wonder you’re on wife number 4. *MAJOR EYE ROLL…THERE IS NO SMILEY THAT CAN SHOW THE EYE ROLL THAT I HAD WHEN MY SISTER WAS TELLING ME THIS!

AM I WRONG???

Men on here–what do you think, too? Please chime in.

I would have laughed out of nervousness.

 

[whatevergirl]

Thanks for the replies…ok, I’m not insane. Even if I was not Catholic…I would be outraged. But, following Christ, my aetenna is just up when I hear such outrageous things being said by married men.

My sister is a good hearted soul. I think her singlehood has caused her to be a bit naive to men’s comments. I told her, a happily married man would never say a comment like that. A man who respects her and women would never say that. In discussing it with my hubby, getting a man’s view, he said…‘he said that to get a reaction. Since she laughed, he probably thinks he has a chance. If she had flipped out and told him off or something–he would have known she is not interested.’

I sadly think my sister is sending vibes to men, married or not, that she is vulnerable, single, and in some ways…easy. She is not easy,but I told her in tolerating men to speak to you in these ways, shows that you are open to ‘anything.’ So, be careful in the messages you’re sending.

I think she appreciated it, but you could tell…she thought I was going to laugh along.

 

[BlyssfulDreamer]

No…you were not wrong and the comments were not funny. The employer went over the line and made sexual innuendos disguising them as a joke. If I were your sister I would have been offended. That is no way to talk to a woman…and I am not a prude.

 

[newf]

My sister says…‘what can I do to make this better?’ And get this…this ex boss of hers says…‘You can have wild and passionate sex with me.’

I would’ve responded “In your dreams…”

 

[savienu]

I would have laughed, for lack of knowing how else to respond- but no, it’s not funny.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

How old is your sister?

SeekerJen took my answer word for word.

The problem I find with my teenage daughters is the kind of stuff they talk about with guys in high school would have been entirely off limits in my generation. ENTIRELY!

They have no boundaries. The post-Monica Lewinsky generation here talks about EVERYTHING. It’s all they’ve known.

I’ve tried to tell them to start setting up a wall or they’ll be sorry when they’re in the work place. Once it starts it won’t stop. And they’ll be harrassed. Sadly, they don’t see it as demeaning or degrading. They see it as joking and being “one of the guys.”

Our culture is so coarse and there is little respect anywhere.

How does your sister fix it? She should approach him in private at the office and say “You said something in jest the other night and I laughed because I was embarrassed. But I would like an apology because you were out of line and I’m not that kind of woman.”

His answer will tell her everything she needs to know about him. If he does it again after that, she should go to HR.

 

[b_justb]

OK. I’m a guy and chiming in.

I would not say this to another person because:

My wife wouldn’t like it,
Of the sexual harassment issue at my company I would be fired on the spot if anyone overheard me saying it or the person on the phone told HR,
It’s just plain unprofessional.

All that aside, this type of humor shows a commonality among peers and it does have a context. In the Army (and in my pre-Christian days) this sort of sexual humor was common place and wasn’t taken seriously. In fact it showed there was a bond between the two people that made this kind of language appropriate. Persons outside the bond could never say such a thing.

It’s hard to give an example without being banned by the mods here …

OK this might work:

Working shift work in the Army. Hey man, after work what are you doing? (said to me by a close friend) I’m going over to your moms and she and me and your sister are having a threesome. Wanna join us? No offense at all offered or taken. Then we go out and drink some beers and throw darts, no where near his moms place just to be sure.

Now if my Commanding Officer has asked me the same question it would have been: Sir, I have made no immediate plans, sir.

So, while this kind of thing seems shocking, it really can be absolutely nothing.

 

[whatevergirl]

How old is your sister?

SeekerJen took my answer word for word.

The problem I find with my teenage daughters is the kind of stuff they talk about with guys in high school would have been entirely off limits in my generation. ENTIRELY!

They have no boundaries. The post-Monica Lewinsky generation here talks about EVERYTHING. It’s all they’ve known.

I’ve tried to tell them to start setting up a wall or they’ll be sorry when they’re in the work place. Once it starts it won’t stop. And they’ll be harrassed. Sadly, they don’t see it as demeaning or degrading. They see it as joking and being “one of the guys.”

Our culture is so coarse and there is little respect anywhere.

How does your sister fix it? She should approach him in private at the office and say “You said something in jest the other night and I laughed because I was embarrassed. But I would like an apology because you were out of line and I’m not that kind of woman.”

His answer will tell her everything she needs to know about him. If he does it again after that, she should go to HR.

It does sound like teenagerish…BUT…she is 53, 13 yrs my senior. Remember, she went through a divorce not too long ago, and it’s like a pandora’s box of craziness…I told her last night…if you want men to think you’re easy, keep sending the vibes you’re sending…She understood. I am not unkind in my comments to her…we are to gently admonish people, right?

I will add…she is a very attractive woman. Doesn’t look a day over…eh, 45. But regardless, it isn’t the looks that is getting her into trouble with these comments…it’s the vibes she’s sending.

Frankly, she told me the reason she thinks the client was irate to begin with, is because she thinks he likes her. Again–she’s not the only game in town. lol And not the youngest. So, there’s a vibe she is sending to say that she is easy. I hate to say it like that, I can’t think of another word for the vibe that comes to mind.

 

[whatevergirl]

OK. I’m a guy and chiming in.

I would not say this to another person because:

My wife wouldn’t like it,
Of the sexual harassment issue at my company I would be fired on the spot if anyone overheard me saying it or the person on the phone told HR,
It’s just plain unprofessional.

All that aside, this type of humor shows a commonality among peers and it does have a context. In the Army (and in my pre-Christian days) this sort of sexual humor was common place and wasn’t taken seriously. In fact it showed there was a bond between the two people that made this kind of language appropriate. Persons outside the bond could never say such a thing.

It’s hard to give an example without being banned by the mods here …

OK this might work:

Working shift work in the Army. Hey man, after work what are you doing? (said to me by a close friend) I’m going over to your moms and she and me and your sister are having a threesome. Wanna join us? No offense at all offered or taken. Then we go out and drink some beers and throw darts, no where near his moms place just to be sure.

Now if my Commanding Officer has asked me the same question it would have been: Sir, I have made no immediate plans, sir.

So, while this kind of thing seems shocking, it really can be absolutely nothing.

Yes, you know, I don’t disagree here. I think they have a longstanding relationship from a prior life together. BUT STILL. I think with every joke, there is an element of truth woven through it.

I think two guys making a joke like that, is different than a guy (married) saying something like that to a woman, coworker or not.

 

[newbetx]

It was a joke. Just like the guys marriages. What makes most “jokes” funny is the truth in them that takes advantage of another.

In this case “It’s just a JOKE.” equates to the insult that is followed by “Just Kidding.” You know they weren’t kidding or joking.

 

[BlestOne]

Sharon… I was not amused either… but then… I had a boss that asked me if my back was out because I had “rough sex” and I went to his partner and told him, then told him that I was offended because 1. it was inappropriate, 2. Boss and I are both Catholic so he knew it was against church teaching as I was not married and 3. it was generally in very bad taste and could be considered harassment …

I got called into a meeting and was apologized to profusely. After that… nobody ever insinuated or said anything about sex in front of me… which I was thankful for!

So a few months after that, I left there and was offered a position with another company. As we were working out the specifics of my employment, I mentioned to the CEO that I was getting married in 3 months and that I would be taking time off for a honeymoon… to which he said, “I’m coming with!” and I retorted…“Oh no you aren’t!” and I never had a problem with him because it wasn’t blatant in your face like the other guy… for all I knew, he wanted to come with because of where we were going… kwim?

I liked the response about this being why he was on the 4th wife…

 

[magisterfaust]

definately not funny

 

[whatevergirl]

Blest–good for you, girl! ha

I have had men, not coworkers…but past clients who would say some off color things, knowing I was married. Some of them were married. I would say…‘you should go tell that to your wife, not me.’ They didn’t like that reply.

Men and women who test the waters like this, often do so shrouded in a joke. A joke is also when both people are laughing…and never at another’s expense. I can’t imagine my husband saying this…I pray he never has. I thought about it last night…that I would feel embarassed to have a husband who is running around saying such garbage to women, other than me. I would be soooo embarassed. And then at the company party, everyone probably would pity me for being married to such a weirdo. I just think on many levels, it is not appropriate.

I also think…is this the only thing that comes to these people’s minds? lol Sheesh…this guy couldn’t have said…‘uh, yeah, you can buy me a new car…’ or something non sexual. But, the fact that that was his first thought speaks volumes.

Anyways! Guess if everyone thought like us, the world would be boring…

 

[iluvmybabies]

So, I’m talking with my sister last night. She has a terrible day at work a few nights ago, and to make a long story short…she basically forgot about a client lunch that she had. The client was angry, and blasted her and sent emails up to her boss…even an ex boss of hers, (who is a friend of this client) Not sure why he got the email, but whatever. So, the ex boss calls my sister and tells her…don’t worry, he is just a weird guy…he’ll get over it. My sister says…‘what can I do to make this better?’ And get this…this ex boss of hers says…‘You can have wild and passionate sex with me.’ In a totally joking voice, my sister says…My sister laughed hysterically telling me this, and told me that she laughed back at him.

He then further ‘joked…’ why are you laughing? And he laughed again…

I said*…isn’t he married?* She says yes–he’s on his fourth wife now. I said…so, is this what people in your work think is funny? Married men joking that they want to sleep with other women?

She said…it was a JOKE, sharon. I said…would you laugh if my husband said it to you?

SILENCE on the other end of the phone.

She said…you’re right. But, what should I have said?

I said…there is a reason why that man CHOSE YOU to say that to. Be very careful to not flirt at work…or with married men. It’s not a joke, it’s not funny.

Am I being a prude…AGAIN? LOL

I would be mortified if my husband said anything like this to anyone but me. I was outraged hearing this. I would have been like*…dude, you’re married. No wonder you’re on wife number 4. *MAJOR EYE ROLL…THERE IS NO SMILEY THAT CAN SHOW THE EYE ROLL THAT I HAD WHEN MY SISTER WAS TELLING ME THIS!

AM I WRONG???

Men on here–what do you think, too? Please chime in.

I definitely agree with you it’s not right!!! A friend of mine started working with me as an intern, well one of the bigger guys started talking to her, at first it was a “hi” friendly like everyone at work you know, everyone says hi to everyone. Then I started noticing that they were taking breaks together, she would tell me “oh he’s so funny!” And I would be like “I don’t know he send me weird vibes?” Then she would say things like “we’re going out to lunch wanna join?” “Oh we’re going to hit the bar this friday night, wanna come with?” Or “oh my goodness, we had such a blast this weekend it was great we went to eat out, we talked for hours, I gave him my cell phone number and home email address because he always has jokes to say!! Oh he’s hooking me up with a friend!!” Etc Etc Etc…Then their work conversations turned to more you know elaborate on physical stuff, it was ok because he would send joking emails like that to everyone, you know about physical stuff, I even received several and at first it bothered me because I thought it meant something but I noticed everyone else got them so I didn’t pay attention any more to them so I wasn’t surprised she got them, but the more serious ones that were in deed just sent to her made me think there was something else going on…Well one day since I knew him a little longer than she did, I decided to speak with him regarding his life etc, he saw me alone a while back and asked me if I was waiting on anyone, I let him know that it was my ride, so he was like “oh your husband?” and I let him know I wasn’t married, but was hoping the friend that was picking me up would be something more you know? So a while after that I was a bit depressed from the problems going on with my ex and my children, so he was like “if you need someone to talk to let me know!” So I took his advice and started talking to him, and I found out he was on his second marriage, and the way he met his second wife was as an intern in the company that we all worked in!! He left his first wife he said because she lost her drive. She was so stressed over their 4 children and working and being a housewife that she lost interest in everything and he could no longer take it so he decided instead of lowering her load to find himself a new young wife…
Well knowing all of this information I was a bit in awe to hear this young intern here being like “OMG he’s so amazing!!” And I was like *you do realize he’s married right? And that this is his second marriage right? * Then she was like “oh come on he’s just being friendly!”
Well several months passed like this when one day she came to work very distraught and I was like so what happened boyfriend dumped you? cheated on you? She was like “No he hit on me!!!” And I was like come again? She told me that one of the nights they went out to the bar she was wearing a very sexy outfit including a miniskirt and he tried to slip his hands touching her thighs and told her he was in need of loving since his new pregnant wife was in bedrest and in no condition of helping him, that he wanted to be friends with privileges!!! I was amazed and told her he gave me the wrong feeling a while back and reminded her of his history…
At first she thought it was funny until she found out his true intentions…
Nope I don’t think it’s funny! I don’t appreciate people that flirt, nor that think it’s ok to be with other women while they are married. It doesn’t matter if their marriage is all ready rocky, let them deal with their own stuff before a 3rd person can be involved you know?
I don’t think it’s funny and when she told me that I did ask him what he was thinking knowing he had a newly pregnant wife and that he had issues…
His new wife found out about their text messages and outings so she confronted my friend and told her to stay away from her husband because she’s young and doesn’t like confrontations she told his wife she was sorry about the inconvenience and didn’t mean to offend her. Which of course I would have told her “you know what he did the same thing with you to his ex-wife so you need to keep your man in check and not attack others!!!”
But I definitely see why she did that and the fact that this girl knew he was married and was still accepting all the things he was doing so that was her fault…
I think people need to realize that if you know someone is married stay away!!! Seriously because I too would have been destroyed if my husband would ever say something like that to another woman that wasn’t me!!!

 

[whatevergirl]

That is some story! Holy smokes. Thanks for sharing it with us.

And here’s the clincher…that because your friend was receptive to hanging out with him…if she decided to go to HR in the end, when things got really bad…it would have been his word against hers. You knew she was going to bars with him. Not that any of that makes it right, but again…if other coworkers see a coworker hanging out with mgmt after hours…it ultimately becomes one person’s word against the other.

Here at my work…there is a global policy. If you want to date someone within the company…you MUST come to tell your manager. LOL Sounds kind of funny, but this way, if the relationship doesn’t work, the guy or woman can’t scream harassment…because they are scorned.

It’s just a big bowl of wrong.