Do you have a Spiritual Director?

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Bella85

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Hi all,

A little background info - I am 23 years old, female, very devout, not really considering the religious life. I just wanted to share - I met with a spiritual director for the first time a couple of days ago. I had been to confession to this priest a couple of times at a parish about a half hour from my own, and he had both times asked me if I had ever considered having a spiritual director. I just really didn’t know that much about it and the only people I knew who had a spiritual director were seminarians! The second time he mentioned it, I asked a few questions and it seemed interesting. A couple of days later, I called his office and left a message asking if he would be available to be my spiritual director. What a GREAT decision that was!!! He called me back and he was so excited that I had called him - I have visited with him twice in the last week. He is WONDERFUL. He is an awesome storyteller, and makes you feel incredibly comfortable. He told me all about himself - from his semi-pro basketball playing days to his family and on and on. He told me that spiritual direction can be helpful to anyone - he is there for me to talk to about any and everything. He emphasized that all of our meetings do not have to be about “spiritual” things even - if I’m having a bad day at work, or difficulties with my family, or anything else, that’s what we’ll talk about if I want to. I can’t wait until our next meeting! We are going to dinner next time - he particularly likes basketball, so he said if I ever want to invite a couple of my friends we can go to a basketball game! 🙂 Basically he just wants me to feel comfortable talking to him about anything. Being a young adult I have a lot of decisions to make and my life can go so many different ways - it is a huge source of comfort and peace having this “sounding board” right now.

I just wanted to share what a blessing this has been for me so far - it is so refreshing to have someone to talk to that understands my spirituality and who is completely objective. Not to mention, I think I got incredibly lucky with what a kind, holy man he is. I recommend a spiritual director for anyone!! 👍
 
I’m glad you found out that spiritual direction is beneficial. However, one thing has me concerned that I’ve never heard of before…

You’re going to dinner with your priest for a spiritual direction session? Something doesn’t sound right here. I may be fuzzy on this but it just doesn’t seem like what a spiritual director should be doing for a session.

Anyone correct me if I’m wrong, I’ve just never heard of it before.

God Bless,
Snert
 
Snerticus said:
I’m glad you found out that spiritual direction is beneficial. However, one thing has me concerned that I’ve never heard of before…

You’re going to dinner with your priest for a spiritual direction session? Something doesn’t sound right here. I may be fuzzy on this but it just doesn’t seem like what a spiritual director should be doing for a session.

Anyone correct me if I’m wrong, I’ve just never heard of it before.

God Bless,
Snert
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I was a bit concerned about this as well. She saw him twice in one week. I see my director once a month to 6 weeks. We NEVER talk about his personal life, it’s all about my spiritual life. It sounds as if there are boundry issues here and he is being very unprofessional for someone in the position as a spiritual director.
 
Bella85 said:
Hi all,

A little background info - I am 23 years old, female, very devout, not really considering the religious life. I just wanted to share - I met with a spiritual director for the first time a couple of days ago. I had been to confession to this priest a couple of times at a parish about a half hour from my own, and he had both times asked me if I had ever considered having a spiritual director. I just really didn’t know that much about it and the only people I knew who had a spiritual director were seminarians! The second time he mentioned it, I asked a few questions and it seemed interesting. A couple of days later, I called his office and left a message asking if he would be available to be my spiritual director. What a GREAT decision that was!!! He called me back and he was so excited that I had called him - I have visited with him twice in the last week. He is WONDERFUL. He is an awesome storyteller, and makes you feel incredibly comfortable. He told me all about himself - from his semi-pro basketball playing days to his family and on and on. He told me that spiritual direction can be helpful to anyone - he is there for me to talk to about any and everything. He emphasized that all of our meetings do not have to be about “spiritual” things even - if I’m having a bad day at work, or difficulties with my family, or anything else, that’s what we’ll talk about if I want to. I can’t wait until our next meeting! We are going to dinner next time - he particularly likes basketball, so he said if I ever want to invite a couple of my friends we can go to a basketball game! 🙂 Basically he just wants me to feel comfortable talking to him about anything. Being a young adult I have a lot of decisions to make and my life can go so many different ways - it is a huge source of comfort and peace having this “sounding board” right now.

I just wanted to share what a blessing this has been for me so far - it is so refreshing to have someone to talk to that understands my spirituality and who is completely objective. Not to mention, I think I got incredibly lucky with what a kind, holy man he is. I recommend a spiritual director for anyone!! 👍
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Bella, I don’t know this person who is your spiritual director, so I will not try and judge his character. I believe that your need to fervently pray to the Holy Spirit for guidance on this matter. As far as I know a spiritual director is to help you grow spiritually. I am kind of worried about the dinner thing too. Pray and pray some more for wisdom on this matter. If this is the right person you will know. The Holy Spirit is the first and best spirtual director. Trust Him!!

Let us know how it goes please!

Have and inspired day and may the Holy Spirit dwell forever within and around you!
 
Ya, well the dinner and basketball games seems to me to be a bit off center for a Spiritual Director.
Be careful, very careful.
 
I have a spiritual director now. He just became my spiritual director today. 🙂 It is the same priest who confirmed me. 🙂
 
Hmmm I think I must have given off the wrong impression! I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut guys! But I guess I should clarify a couple of things - I said I have visited with my spiritual director twice in the last week; once was on the phone, once was when I went to his office for my first appointment with him. Before meeting with him I spoke with my own priest and a friend who is a seminarian and both highly recommended the priest who is my spiritual director. I also did not mention in my first post that my spiritual director and I know a lot of the same people - we have just never known each other before - and when we talked about going to a basketball game, that was including a group of other people that we both know and wouldn’t be like one of my appointments with him or anything. The plan is for me to meet with him about every four to six weeks. I have to say that I know of several people who meet their spiritual directors for dinner. I will speak with my parish priest about it. This man (my spiritual director) is an older priest and has been a priest for almost forty years. My sense is that he is incredibly sincere and holy. I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut and it is not taken lightly. I just wanted to make sure I did not misrepresent this priest.

Thanks guys! 🙂
 
Bella85 said:
Hmmm I think I must have given off the wrong impression! I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut guys! But I guess I should clarify a couple of things - I said I have visited with my spiritual director twice in the last week; once was on the phone, once was when I went to his office for my first appointment with him. Before meeting with him I spoke with my own priest and a friend who is a seminarian and both highly recommended the priest who is my spiritual director. I also did not mention in my first post that my spiritual director and I know a lot of the same people - we have just never known each other before - and when we talked about going to a basketball game, that was including a group of other people that we both know and wouldn’t be like one of my appointments with him or anything. The plan is for me to meet with him about every four to six weeks. I have to say that I know of several people who meet their spiritual directors for dinner. I will speak with my parish priest about it. This man (my spiritual director) is an older priest and has been a priest for almost forty years. My sense is that he is incredibly sincere and holy. I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut and it is not taken lightly. I just wanted to make sure I did not misrepresent this priest.

Jesus said to never criticize a priest, it would be the same as criticizing Him. He also asked that we pray for our priests and for all the consecrated. The Chaplet of Faith is great for that. Our Lady is the Queen of celergy and the chaplet is Her’s. It consists of :

On the large beads(Our Father) say the Apostles Creed

On the small beads(Hail Mary) say "Jesus, Mary,I love you. Save souls, save the
consecrated.

Then finish the chaplet by saying five “Hail, Holy Queen”.

Bella85, Your clarification sure changed my first thoughts. May I be as blest as you to find a good spiritual director. I hope he helps you to discern your vocation.

May the Holy Spirit guide you in your journey!
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Bella,

I am a trained spiritual director and know what a blessing it is to be a part of that relationship from both angles, having been both the director and the directee. It is a unique relationship and one that is best when set apart from our daily lives. It typically occurs once a month for about an hour. It is a relationship with very strict professional boundaries. It is not about friendship. The director needs to know you well, your thoughts, feelings and life circumstances because God is involved in every aspect of our lives. He on the other hand, is there to assist you in your relationship with God and should not be sharing much of his own personal information with you.

Your excitement about having someone to talk to and share with is understandable. It is your spiritual director’s job to keep the boundaries. I am wondering why he is not. You are very young and trusting. I caution you to be careful.

I will pray for you. God bless.
 
The plan is to meet with him just as you say, about 4 to 6 weeks for about an hour. I think he just wanted to make me feel comfortable and at ease by talking about himself some - I was a little nervous and unsure of what to talk about, so after talking about myself for a while I asked him about his family and about how he decided to become a priest and stuff. I didn’t see anything wrong with that, and he certainly made me feel more comfortable and drew me out more. This priest is at a Cathedral with four other priests and the Bishop of our diocese, all of whom have recommended him as a spiritual director. There are restaurants right around the church - some even right across the street - that these priests frequent. This is where we would go eat (if we do). We meet in the evening during dinner time because I work during the day. I was hungry by the end of our first meeting and I told him so. Maybe he felt bad! I hope I have not misrepresented this person, because if anyone had been sitting in on my meeting with him I think you would understand that there was no hint of anything inappropriate. Nevertheless, I will keep my parish priest in the loop about how my spiritual direction is going and ask him about anything I’m unsure about.
 
I would like to add that it is possible that I misunderstood this situation. As I said, my spiritual director is at a church with four other priests. These priests will go eat across the street in the evening together sometimes if their schedules permit. It is possible that my spiritual director was saying I could join them, and then we could have my spiritual direction appointment back at his office. It’s a matter of walking back across the street. I did say that I was hungry at the end of our appointment the first time because my stomach was growling! 🙂 I drove straight to his office after work because it takes me about 40 minutes to get there, so I didn’t have time to eat before our meeting. It’s possible that he just said this about eating offhandedly and doesn’t even remember it - it was not a big deal. This was my first post and I really just wanted to share how much I think this spiritual direction is going to help me, and encourage others who might be nervous or afraid to ask someone to be their spiritual director to go for it. I feel terrible that I may have somehow misrepresented this situation, because I obviously did - this man is a holy, good priest. In my excitement, I obviously did not represent this situation correctly. Thank you all for your comments, however.
 
Snerticus said:
You’re going to dinner with your priest for a spiritual direction session? Something doesn’t sound right here. I may be fuzzy on this but it just doesn’t seem like what a spiritual director should be doing for a session.

Anyone correct me if I’m wrong, I’ve just never heard of it before.

God Bless,
Snert
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Joannm said:
I was a bit concerned about this as well. She saw him twice in one week. I see my director once a month to 6 weeks. We NEVER talk about his personal life, it’s all about my spiritual life. It sounds as if there are boundry issues here and he is being very unprofessional for someone in the position as a spiritual director.
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I am guy but here is my experiences with my priest as my Spiritual Director and Confessor.

We went to dinner to talk about our spiritual direction sometimes - reasons: he is quite busy and if one of the meetings can be at a dinner so that we both can eat and talk, we do it…but it depends on the matter we will discuss at the dinner.

Another thing - don’t mistake that spiritual direction is one-way only. We both shared our expriences on some levels (he never talks much about his expriences in depth…but touched on basic enough to help with my situation).
 
I don’t have a spiritual director, it’s not very common here.
I don’t even know how to get one.
I talk to priests on a daily basis. Sometimes I ask questions about faith, they answer and it’s pretty much all I need from them 🙂
I guess my spiritual directors are close friends.
 
Janechantal53 said:
Bella,

I am a trained spiritual director and know what a blessing it is to be a part of that relationship from both angles, having been both the director and the directee. It is a unique relationship and one that is best when set apart from our daily lives. It typically occurs once a month for about an hour. It is a relationship with very strict professional boundaries. It is not about friendship. The director needs to know you well, your thoughts, feelings and life circumstances because God is involved in every aspect of our lives. He on the other hand, is there to assist you in your relationship with God and should not be sharing much of his own personal information with you.

Your excitement about having someone to talk to and share with is understandable. It is your spiritual director’s job to keep the boundaries. I am wondering why he is not. You are very young and trusting. I caution you to be careful.

I will pray for you. God bless.
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Good day everyone!

I wonder if its just okay to have a nun or a lay religious person as a spiritual director. In a female oblate group that I know, they have an oblate director, but I think she is not their spiritual director. I think each oblate is advised to seek their own spiritual director in the person of a priest. I wonder why they still need to have a spiritual director in a priest when they already have a nun as their oblate (and/or spiritual too, right?) director. Me, I’d prefer a female spiritual director. And I’d prefer one I can look up to and even admire as my ideal spiritual person. I can share a lot with a female, without fear of getting off the boundaries since we are both females after all. She’s be like a “mother” to me then.

So, is it okay to have a nun or a lay religious person (of my same sex) as my spiritual director?
 
It is not a good idea for a female to have dinner alone with a priest. Also, I am baffled about how you obtained spiritual direction when the priest seemed to be talking so much about himself.
 
MnklyMRPD said:
Good day everyone!

I wonder if its just okay to have a nun or a lay religious person as a spiritual director. In a female oblate group that I know, they have an oblate director, but I think she is not their spiritual director. I think each oblate is advised to seek their own spiritual director in the person of a priest. I wonder why they still need to have a spiritual director in a priest when they already have a nun as their oblate (and/or spiritual too, right?) director. Me, I’d prefer a female spiritual director. And I’d prefer one I can look up to and even admire as my ideal spiritual person. I can share a lot with a female, without fear of getting off the boundaries since we are both females after all. She’s be like a “mother” to me then.

So, is it okay to have a nun or a lay religious person (of my same sex) as my spiritual director?
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Many religious woman and lay women are trained as spritual directors. I had two sisters as directors at different times in my life.
 
Joannm said:
Many religious woman and lay women are trained as spritual directors. I had two sisters as directors at different times in my life.
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Thanks to your statement here. Now, its established that some Catholics (if you are a Catholic and your sisters are, too) do accept spiritual directors even if not priests.

One oblate group that I came across with insists that my spiritual director should be a priest, should I decide to have one. You see, the development of my spirituality is something very personal, if not intimate to me… so, I cannot imagine sharing things/thoughts to a priest without sharing also my female “side” to it, which may turn-on or off a priest. I understand that priests are supposed to be looked up to as like God, if not like our Lord Saviour Jesus Christ… but only very few of them are of this kind really. A lot of them are just ordinary beings, with Christlike missions impregnated in them so they can be effective missionaries, but considering the circumstances, they are really just ordinary human beings who can also be subjected to temptations and other evil influences, most often probably in fleeting moments, yet, still moments of evil thoughts, which may badly affect their being a spiritual director to a female spiritual searcher/aspirant or directee. Thus, my preference for a female spiritual director, whom I can look up to as a “mother-mother” or an elder “sister-sister”…and also be my female confidante, friend etc., rolled into one. I believe that spirituality development cannot happen without dealing with the personals, both on the side of the directee and the director… thus, there is nothing wrong at all if they become that close personally on the process. There is nothing wrong with closeness to God, so there should be nothing wrong with one’s closeness with a spiritual director as well, spiritually and even in worldly matters…since after all, we are still in this world… we deal everyday with worldly things. But if there is such a thing as worldly spiritual… then, this, maybe, is the appropriate description for such a relationship…wordly spiritual… trying to be spiritual in our relationship but without losing touch of the reality of our worldly existence in this world…
 
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