Do you have tips for getting kids to go to confession?

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Forced is really not the word to use.

The nuns just took us to confession for the first Friday of every month as a regular routine.

Lucky. In all my time in Catholic school not one time was confession even offered much less mandatory! Considering in many Catholic schools a large part of the student body is not Catholic I can’t see how it could be done…
For the record I was not Catholic when I attended Catholic school.

 

[truetofaith]

Lucky. In all my time in Catholic school not one time was confession even offered much less mandatory! Considering in many Catholic schools a large part of the student body is not Catholic I can’t see how it could be done…
For the record I was not Catholic when I attended Catholic school.

This was in !954.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

This was in !954.

lol… lucky!!!

 

[babochka]

Also, as I observe thier interactions with others, siblings, and thier prayer life, I remind them of the need to confess. So if my 11 year old is mean to my four year old, as I discipline, encourage an apology etc. I also mention that at least she can have something to confess on Tuesday.

I think this is very important. Our children need our help in developing and examining their consciences.

Finally, there is a huge difference between " I’m going to confession, do you want to go?" And “ok everyone get in the car, we are stopping by the parish for confession”

Bottom line is it needs to be a family event.

I like this approach, but it wouldn’t work for my family.

Sometimes we’ll go as a family during Lent, but as a general rule, we go on our own.

My husband prefers to confess in the Latin rite, and I prefer to confess in the Byzantine rite. It is also important for me to honor my children’s right to choose their own confessors. Finding a good confessor and sticking with him was instrumental in my ability to truly appreciate and benefit from this sacrament and I want my children to have that opportunity as well.

What I like about the regularly scheduled, everyone goes approach is that it doesn’t force a child to single himself or herself out as needing confession for a particular reason, they just go. And, of course, it develops the habit early of regular confession.

For me, the bottom line is that they need to develop their consciences, regularly examine them, and desire reconciliation with God and the Church. How that is best accomplished is going to vary.

 

[tafan]

We go once a month, I simply tell the kids we are going to confession and they go. Its just like going to mass on Sunday, I don’t really give them a choice, but since the practice has been established in our family since the oldest received his first confession ( 22 years ago), they put up no resistance. You have to make these things be a “its just what we do” type issue.

 

[tafan]

If they’re forced, how is that a valid sacrament?

Really? for kids you think this is a valid question. What about making them go to mass on Sunday? You consider that invalid for them because they don’t have a choice. It is about formation. Kids have to be trained in a regimen. Period.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I’d be careful about telling any kid old enough to have a significant conflict with a parent, e.g. a teenager, that they should go to confession or “should mention this in confession” as part of the discipline for the conflict.

My mother did this to me at about age 15 and I was so upset about first, having my mom blow up at me over something I thought was a minor disagreement (as opposed to me doing something huge like staying out all night, lying or stealing, none of which I did) and second, having to go to confession, which was anxiety-inducing anyway, I had an emotional breakdown in the confessional and this greatly contributed to my reluctance and sometimes inability to go to confession regularly for several decades. I know Mom regretted how she handled it after she saw how upset I became.

I like the “family outing” concept, followed by something fun afterwards. It kind of de-pressurizes the activity and makes it part of the family routine, like Sunday mass, rather than a punishment.

 

[tafan]

I have three kids ages 8, 11, and 12. They go to confession a couple times a year, but how do I get them to go more often?

  Every week or two before I go to confession, I let them know where I'm going and gently ask if they want to come along. 

  Today my daughter came along, but chickened out because it was a different priest in a different parish.

  Clearly, I will ask my priest this question as well, but until then, what is your advice/experience?

Thanks!
GladTidings

BTW, they are going a couple of times a year, so it seems to me you are not starting from scratch. That’s a good thing. I would imagine it would be a lot harder to get kids to go to confession regularly if they were never going at all. I would just announce a new family policy: “we are all going to confession together once a month”. Let them know ahead of time when its going to be, and then stick with it. Again, not unlike the Sunday mass obligation. This is just what we do.

 

[MissRose73]

First of all, show them a good example by going yourself and them seeing you standing in line. I went to one parish when out of town recently, and I did see multiple families line up for confession as this was a large church with multiple confessionals & many priests after they placed things to hold their pews first.

When I subbed for an upper elementary aged class for religious education, the teacher I was helping said you can pick any lesson for the 2nd week of her planned absence. I chose the one about Confession/reconciliation as it was close to Lent starting. I quickly printed off some kids versions of examinations of conscience which the kids took turns reading in additional to their normal lesson. I did let them know they should be going at least 1 time a year, and that some people like me go monthly, some go a few times a year, and many saints went weekly. Hopefully they learned a few things, and shared the printed handouts with their parents. The teacher saw the printouts, and said she even learned a few things from them too.

 

[MusherMaggie]

Bring them along, and ask them to pray for you while you go to Confession.

 

[JanetF]

In my experience, getting my daughter involved in youth group insured she went regularly, as they had confession nights at least once a month, as well as adoration.

 

[Phemie]

As a person IN a Catholic school…

What are you talking about?

* *Back in my day, Sonny, our class walked to church for confession once a month and I don’t think any of us knew we could have said we didn’t have to go. Indeed, I doubt any of us thought we didn’t have to go. In the summer our parents took us once a month, again, they never gave us the option of saying “no”. </trembling voice>

Many of us experienced that.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

In my experience, getting my daughter involved in youth group insured she went regularly, as they had confession nights at least once a month, as well as adoration.

I think much depends on the youth group if a particular parish. Yours sounds awesome. Ours, I wouldn’t trust to teach the Hail Mary…

 

[GladTidings]

Yes, this is how we were.

Glad Tidings,
I would suggest that you switch over to this system, but first really instruct in the importance of Confession and, more importantly, the benefits. Be excited about this, as if you had found out something new in fact, in your preparation for this, you might be imbued with a new appreciation.

Also, pray a lot for your children and bless them. I would bless mine each night as we kissed goodnight. This will also help strengthen their faith.

It does sounds like a good system. We do need to show the importance of confession. I like the idea of going as a family and making it something we do as part of our faith.

I only recently awakened in my faith after the death of my dad. I started going to confession, (I am a convert, so I didn’t fully understand the benefits myself) and the temptations began to lessen or disappear completely. I am now repulsed by how I used to be. I know my kids can tell a difference in me and my attitude.

 

[GladTidings]

In my experience, getting my daughter involved in youth group insured she went regularly, as they had confession nights at least once a month, as well as adoration.

We have Faith Formation they all attend on Wednesday nights during the school year since they do not go to a private school. It is a small church with few resources.

I love the quote about The Church on the bottom of your page.

 

[GladTidings]

Bring them along, and ask them to pray for you while you go to Confession.

That is a very good idea!

 

[St_Francis]

It does sounds like a good system. We do need to show the importance of confession. I like the idea of going as a family and making it something we do as part of our faith.

I only recently awakened in my faith after the death of my dad. I started going to confession, (I am a convert, so I didn’t fully understand the benefits myself) and the temptations began to lessen or disappear completely. I am now repulsed by how I used to be. I know my kids can tell a difference in me and my attitude.

That is great! Now you can tell them how much the graces from Confession helped you change

 

[TeenCatholicGuy]

* *Back in my day, Sonny, our class walked to church for confession once a month and I don’t think any of us knew we could have said we didn’t have to go. Indeed, I doubt any of us thought we didn’t have to go. In the summer our parents took us once a month, again, they never gave us the option of saying “no”. </trembling voice>

Many of us experienced that.

Yes, but in today’s times, that enables kids to just confess “standard” sins.

I’ll give examples:

Swearing, fighting with a parent, hurting a friend’s feelings or venial sins.

Then they walk out, turn to their friends in line out of site of adults: “that was f****** boring”.

Forcing them enables false confessions. I’ll point to my reply at the beginning of the thread, as better paths to take.

 

[Phemie]

Yes, but in today’s times, that enables kids to just confess “standard” sins.

I’ll give examples:

Swearing, fighting with a parent, hurting a friend’s feelings or venial sins.

Then they walk out, turn to their friends in line out of site of adults: “that was f****** boring”.

Forcing them enables false confessions. I’ll point to my reply at the beginning of the thread, as better paths to take.

Oh, I realize that. I doubt I was the only one who made up things to say back when I was in 4th grade. I was just reacting to your question, before I saw that others had responded explaining what we’d experienced as children.

That type of classroom group visit to the church for confession had largely disappeared by the time I’d reached my teens, although I still accompanied my parents when they went to a different parish for confession on a Saturday afternoon. It was kind of a ritual: confession then grocery shopping if Dad hadn’t already done it on Thursday on his way back from work. I couldn’t have told you when confessions were in my own parish but I knew the weekend schedule for the parish in the next town because my parents didn’t like confessing to a priest they socialized with.

 

[tafan]

Yes, but in today’s times, that enables kids to just confess “standard” sins.

I’ll give examples:

Swearing, fighting with a parent, hurting a friend’s feelings or venial sins.

Then they walk out, turn to their friends in line out of site of adults: “that was f****** boring”.

Forcing them enables false confessions. I’ll point to my reply at the beginning of the thread, as better paths to take.

I read your first post on this thread, just out of curiosity, why the different attitude with Sunday Mass vs confession?