I realize that the OP has dropped this as a topic of discussion, nonetheless, I think an ability to adhere to a monastic schedule — and they do stir very early, that’s just how monasticism “rolls” — indicates that one does not have a vocation, however attractive that vocation might otherwise be. Wanting to embrace a vocation (or rather, wanting to embrace a life that one finds attractive — two different things), but not being able to, is not the end of the world. Ultimately, it is a test of one’s abandonment to divine providence, and “want it but can’t have it” is one of the first life lessons someone should let soak into their bones. The world is not going to rearrange itself to suit our primordial a priori desires. Life is much more about “wanting what you have” than “having what you want”.
I have found that Catholicism does tend to be a “morning person’s religion”, which puts me in a pickle dish, because I am by nature an afternoon-and-evening person. I have told this story here before, but it bears repeating. I live in an area that is Southern, has a lot of elderly people, has a lot of retired people (I’m one of them!), and has a lot of military and retired military. Put that all together, and you have pretty much defined “morning people”. The 8 am Sunday Mass at my (former) parish is packed! People here like to get things out of the way early. I am at the moment providing basically 24/7 care for a gravely ill family member, so I tend to stir early these days out of necessity. (I also have the peace of knowing, for the first time in my life, that I am exactly where God wants me to be, trying to do exactly what He wants me to do, and that, too, is a “vocation”.) It wouldn’t be my first choice, but it is just the present reality. Last night I slept on a thin mattress on the living room floor, as my bed was needed by others.
“Vocations” aren’t always what we want. Keep in mind the Latin root, vocare — “to call”. You do not “choose” a vocation, with apologies to Yakov Smirnoff, “vocation chooses you”.
I have found that Catholicism does tend to be a “morning person’s religion”, which puts me in a pickle dish, because I am by nature an afternoon-and-evening person. I have told this story here before, but it bears repeating. I live in an area that is Southern, has a lot of elderly people, has a lot of retired people (I’m one of them!), and has a lot of military and retired military. Put that all together, and you have pretty much defined “morning people”. The 8 am Sunday Mass at my (former) parish is packed! People here like to get things out of the way early. I am at the moment providing basically 24/7 care for a gravely ill family member, so I tend to stir early these days out of necessity. (I also have the peace of knowing, for the first time in my life, that I am exactly where God wants me to be, trying to do exactly what He wants me to do, and that, too, is a “vocation”.) It wouldn’t be my first choice, but it is just the present reality. Last night I slept on a thin mattress on the living room floor, as my bed was needed by others.
“Vocations” aren’t always what we want. Keep in mind the Latin root, vocare — “to call”. You do not “choose” a vocation, with apologies to Yakov Smirnoff, “vocation chooses you”.
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