Do you let someone remain ignorant to shelter them from mortal sin?

[Miraluna]

I am not sure that my title reflects what I am asking. I have an aunt that has not been to Church in years. I have done all I can on my part to facilitate her going (actually, that is not true…I still need to pray more). Every week, I remind her in a subtle way and then I call on Sunday or Monday and ask if they were able to make it. I call her at least 4-5 times per week, so I do not think that she feels that I am just calling about Mass. Every week there is a new excuse as to why they could not go. They really need to go. Her marriage needs healing. My uncle’s health is precarious and I worry that he might die without the desire for God and reconciling certain things. I have spoken to my aunt about his soul and how she should be as concerned about that as she is about his physical health (if not more, really). But she said that she did not worry about that and that she would be happy to go to hell if that is where he ends up, as long as they are together. They have a granddaughter that lives with them, that they keep saying that they want to have her Baptized (for over a year now). I told them that most priests will not baptize unless they are practicing Catholics somewhere.

In all our conversations, I do not think that I have ever told her that by not going, she is committing a mortal sin. I am not sure if she is aware of this from the years when she did go to church. So if I tell her and she did not know…then she is in mortal sin because she would meet the three requirements for a mortal sin. If I do not say anything, then she might only meet 2 of the requirements, and is perhaps, not in mortal sin. In a way, I could be elevating her sin to a higher degree. I was thinking about backing off for a while and then revisiting this with her. But I am not sure if I should say this before I back off or not. God gave her a free will and who am I to try to take that away? But I care for her and I know that she will find everything she needs in our precious Lord. I feel as if I know of this wonderful gift, this treasure…and I want to share it because it will make a difference in her life and she is not even willing to open it.

 

[whatevergirl]

I think you have done all that you can do…I might keep gently asking her to join you at mass…is there a way you can swing by and pick them up? Or do you live far away?

If picking them up is not an option, just keep praying for them. If you share with her that missing mass can be an occasion for mortal sin, (like you said, three things must be present for a sin to be mortal) and she still chooses to miss, you have truly done all you can do. I pray that she starts attending mass soon. It sounds like she wants to attend, she isn’t telling you to back off or anything, when you ask–maybe she is afraid to go…has it been a while since her last confession? If so, that could be the real reason, as many people feel awkward when they have been away from Church for a while, haven’t gone to confession, etc…and then attending mass seems overwhelming. God is a loving God, and He will forgive her…and welcomes her to mass with open arms. I think that I’d ask her that…because that might be the root of all the excuses. Just my two cents.

 

[buffalo]

True Christian charity demands fraternal correction.

Truth with Love

not

truth without love

nor

love without truth

 

[Sillara]

Ezekiel 3:17-21

“Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; therefore hear a word from My mouth, and give them warning from Me: 18 When I say to the wicked, ‘You shall surely die,’ and you give him no warning, nor speak to warn the wicked from his wicked way, to save his life, that same wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood I will require at your hand. 19 Yet, if you warn the wicked, and he does not turn from his wickedness, nor from his wicked way, he shall die in his iniquity; but you have delivered your soul.
20 “Again, when a righteous man turns from his righteousness and commits iniquity, and I lay a stumbling block before him, he shall die; because you did not give him warning, he shall die in his sin, and his righteousness which he has done shall not be remembered; but his blood I will require at your hand. 21 Nevertheless if you warn the righteous man that the righteous should not sin, and he does not sin, he shall surely live because he took warning; also you will have delivered your soul.”

We are obliged to tell others. One of the nine ways to be complicit in another’s sin is by silence.

 

[LongingForLight]

. . .] she said that she did not worry about that and that she would be happy to go to hell if that is where he ends up, as long as they are together.

This sounds like idolatry. We should not love even our spouses more than we love God; while we should not decrease love for our dear ones, we should seek to increase our love for God to a place of primacy (and see our ability to love those dearest grow in response). I was once in a similar emotional place towards my beloved, but recognized it for what it was and sought to love God better, and was rewarded deeply in my relationship with the man who became my husband.

Maybe point out to her that most people believe that no one is together in Hell, only those in Heaven are reunited. Hell is usually considered to not just be a fire, but to be a place of great loneliness, whereas in Heaven her husband would be able to experience her love in a wondrous way he never could on earth, and she will similarly experience his love most wondrously, both of them seeing each other for the first time purified, bathed in the light of Christ’s presence.

I believe that I’ve run across advice about ignorance and mortal sin that says that allowing a person to remain ignorant when speaking might end their sin is sinful. Also, although her culpability may be diminished by ignorance, it may not; she may already know better and need someone to point her to thinking on this matter. I agree with the person who says that it is important to speak truth with love.

I am so sorry about this circumstance. I hope your aunt and uncle come to a deeper faith, enjoy Heaven together before Christ with all their Christian brethren for eternity, and are able to impart a strong Christian faith to their granddaughter.

Out of curiosity, have you tried calling them on your way to church because you just “happen” to be in their neighborhood on their way there, and wonder if anyone wants a ride? I suggest this because it worked for me. Some friends gave me rides on several weeks, and it was what I needed to get back into the habit of regular attendance.

 

[nana3]

Miranda, the best witness you can give this family is going to Mass yourself and allowing them to see the joy that you get from it. You have invited them many times and they keep coming up with excuses. I would try to find out as someone suggested and see if the fear of going to confession is keeping them from Mass, but other than that you have done your part. I use to have neighbors that were Catholics but never went to Mass. I use to invite them, but they would say no. I didn’t bother them any more. They say me going Sunday after Sunday. I would pray for them and sacrifice for them. One day, they came to me and told me that they knew they were living in sin and wanted to come back to the Church. They were staying away for the husband was married before and needed an annulment so their marriage was not valid. That was what kept them away. I didn’t know. They did come back before the annulment was granted but just didn’t receive Communion. They came back just from watching me going to Mass.

Just do the best you can to witness the Love of God and sometimes words are not even needed.

 

[mrpathetic]

Do whatever you can to bring them back into the faith. If you wish to see them in the afterlife, then do this.

I have relatives who died in mortal sin. Specifically, my father committed suicide. I have no illusions about seeing him in the afterlife. I could be wrong, but I don’t think so. (He was an alcoholic, and perhaps that mitigated the seriousness of his sin. I do not know.)

I cut myself off from my father, because of his drinking, and perhaps that contributed to his despair. Perhaps that is some of the reason that he put a gun to his head, and pulled the trigger.

I wish I could go back in time, and do something to help him. Unfortunately, this took place 23 years ago - and I cannot change the past.

But you can change the future, for your relatives. Be as frank as possible with them: if they cut themself off from the Church, die without the sacraments and sacramental grace, and are living in mortal sin, they cannot be saved. And if their daughter dies without baptism, she cannot be saved.

Be frank, but not blunt. Ultimately, the decision to save their souls lies with them. And therefore, the decision to live with you in eternity lies with them as well.