Do you notice this at Mass?

[Irishmom2]

It would appear that your “research” shows that it doesnt seem to bother most of the people that responded. Perhaps you should make a poll. i bet your results would come out the same.

 

[PetraG]

The church is not a stage. I don’t know why people think it is.

You are correct: it is not a stage. It is, instead, the ultimate reality. We do not habitually attend to it as easily or as well as we ought to, though, sometimes out of our own weakness and sometimes, I would guess, because we are actively tempted away from it by those spiritual forces that hate it the most and therefore are bold enough to make it their battlefield.

The problem, then, is that frail humanity is easily distracted from that which we need most.

It is a necessary act of charity to overlook the normal sounds and other actions that human beings are going to make where ever they are, yes, but also an act of charity to do whatever is reasonably possible to avoid attracting attention away from where it belongs.

This is a both-and matter, not an either-or matter. That is how the economy of charity works, don’t you think?

 

[Irishmom2]

I agree. You have a license to carry. End of story.

 

[Hope1960]

I’m guilty of being a clothing adjuster, for the same reason you are. I don’t want any wardrobe malfunctions during Mass.

 

[Canvas]

I will say that I don’t notice more clothing adjustment at Mass more than other places…less even.

Adjusting your clothes is a part of life. When engaged in an activity, when standing up, when sitting down, etc, often times we need to make subtle adjustments for comfort or for other reasons.

 

[Allegra]

If a person is going to let themselves be distracted by something that petty, they are going to find something to be distracted by no matter what and it will always be someone else’s fault. They are wearing the wrong clothes, their hair is still damp from the shower, their kid is too squirmy, their aftershave is strong, their sweater has sparkles on it, they have a cough, they’re “manspreading” on the pew, they have a piece of lint on their pants, they let their kid have a graham cracker, their teenager’s hair is pink, the list goes on and on. There is no way that a person could possibly predict that something like making sure their blouse is down as they stand up could catch the attention of someone. How are normal people supposed to pay attention to the Mass, when they have to be constantly concerned over things like whether petty actions like checking their blouse as they stand up are distracting to abnormal people?

 

[Hope1960]

Yeah, people are flagging posts all over the place, for no good reason. In fact, I won’t be surprised if this one gets flagged, just for posting about posters flagging posts. Sheesh!

 

[Hope1960]

And let’s not forget the bra strap slippage.

 

[PetraG]

If a person is going to let themselves be distracted by something that petty, they are going to find something to be distracted by no matter what and it will always be someone else’s fault. They are wearing the wrong clothes, their hair is still damp from the shower, their kid is too squirmy, their aftershave is strong, their sweater has sparkles on it, they have a cough, they’re “manspreading” on the pew, they have a piece of lint on their pants, they let their kid have a graham cracker, their teenager’s hair is pink, the list goes on and on. There is no way that a person could possibly predict that something like making sure their blouse is down as they stand up could catch the attention of someone. How are normal people supposed to pay attention to the Mass, when they have to be constantly concerned over things like whether petty actions like checking their blouse as they stand up are distracting to abnormal people?

No, I didn’t mean that. I mean do what you need to do as discretely as you reasonably can. After that, you just have to let it go. In the instance of the altar servers, they can’t be perfect all the time. They can learn to just go with the flow and let mistakes go past without making them into a bigger deal than they were. They aren’t on a stage, either, but they’re in a position to be less distracting or more distracting in how they cope with the unexpected.

I haven’t ever noticed people doing an inordinate amount of adjusting in church. That doesn’t mean the OP isn’t in a situation I just haven’t seen. All that has to happen is that you go like cows to the stanchion to your favorite pew every week (which most of us do) and you just happen to be behind a few groups with repetitive habits. It makes it seem like the whole Church is filled the kind of person who taps their pen on the table during an entire meeting and chews it when they aren’t tapping it, LOL. (Most things that drive people batty are pretty minor in the big picture, but they’re still hard to ignore…)

 

[anon65111186]

Nice try. If you want to spend your time on earth obsessing over other people doing things like adjusting their clothes, you go right ahead.

I already debunked that, I don’t obsess over it, I made this post after a conversation with my wife. I already stated numerous times it was a trifle topic, but somehow you want to go on misrepresenting what I actually think, do or see, and are not actually trying to understand what I am actually trying to say or my position. If I took the positions you claim I take, then I’d think it ridiculous too, have some compassion instead of being argumentative.

“scientific research”

Did I say scientific research? If you were paying attention, you would notice I said scientific thinking. By the way, your attempt at trying to do scientific research appears that you are just projecting your assumptions on me. I had no intention of doing either a proper qualitative or quantitative study, that would be ridiculous.

So, let me get this straight, a person who objectively fiddles with their clothes literally every minute and becomes a distraction, not only to me, but to my wife is none of my business, but what my focus is and my getting distracted is all of your business?

The fact that you went ahead and counted says just how much you care about my business.

How are normal people supposed to pay attention to the Mass, when they have to be constantly concerned over things like whether petty actions like checking their blouse as they stand up are distracting to abnormal people?

If you are referring to what I have been saying, you totally misrepresented my point. It would be abnormal if I was distracted by a person checking their blouse once or twice, but that is not what I was saying. Nice straw man though.

 

[anon65111186]

It would appear that your “research” shows that it doesnt seem to bother most of the people that responded. Perhaps you should make a poll. i bet your results would come out the same.

Perhaps I didn’t explain myself properly because many seem to misunderstand what I’m talking about. Anyhow, I’ve wasted enough time with this topic. God bless.

 

[Allegra]

Yes. You used those exact terms multiple times. Yes. It is none of your business if other people adjust their clothes. It is not their fault that you chose to look at them. No. What you choose to pay attention to is not my business. The only reason it is being discussed is that you started a thread about it on a public forum, which was read by others. You did not have to share your personal business. You chose to do so. That is why it is being discussed. I didn’t count the number of responses because I care about what you choose to pay attention to during Mass. I counted the number of responses to point out your error that other people agree that clothing adjustment is distracting. The vast majority of responses didn’t address whether they personally felt it was distracting, but rather chose to advise you on how you could better deal with it. None of them said it would have distracted them. There were five people (at that point) who specifically said that they would not find that distracting. There were only three people who said anything about clothing adjustments being distracting, one of which was you, the other was probably joking about a person in a cape, and the third described a wardrobe catastrophe that sounds way more extreme than someone just pulling their blouse down repeatedly. So you are incorrect in your scientific thinking that people have agreed that blouse adjustments count as a major distraction. So, based on this limited sample size, yes, your response seems to be abnormal.

 

[anon65111186]

It is none of your business if other people adjust their clothes.

So it isn’t my business, but my being distracted (regardless of the cause) is your business because it is a public forum? So things are only your business if someone talks about them? Or talks about them on an open forum? I don’t follow your logic.

It is not their fault that you chose to look at them.

I didn’t choose to look at anyone, they were in my field of vision, there was no effort or volition on my part. I hope you get the distinction between passive seeing and active looking. Again, you keep on proving you don’t understand what I’ve been describing. If you’re going to bother to reply on this forum, at least try.

I counted the number of responses to point out your error that other people agree that clothing adjustment is distracting

Again, you assumed that I think everyone agrees that people think handling their clothes can be potentially distracting. I said some people did, but you are trying to prove a point so you trivialized what they said.

So you are incorrect in your scientific thinking that people have agreed that blouse adjustments count as a major distraction. So, based on this limited sample size, yes, your response seems to be abnormal.

You continue to mock that I said “scientific thinking”, does that make you feel good? I didn’t say blouse adjustments count as a major distraction.

Are you trying to be offensive, because you are pretty successful. Abnormal, if anything, is your counting up everyone’s reply and going through pains to prove that I was supposedly in error, which I was not. Again, you seem to projecting your abnormalness on me.

To be quite frank, I don’t have time to notice people adjusting their blouses, I have two kids and soon to be another I have to manage the whole time in Mass, I’m lucky if I can get a second to actually sit down and hear the word of God and the priests homily. That’s why I don’t need advice from people about distractions, I’ve already developed strategies for dealing with my many and much more distracting distractions. This began as a trifle and something light and even a little fun for me, but you’ve turned it into something more serious than it merits. Really unpleasant actually. Thanks for that.

I was not here to talk about myself, but to hear about others and see what kind of experiences they had about distractions like this at mass.

 

[anon65111186]

Thank you, but for the nth time I’m not here to solicit advice or talk about myself. Not bad advice though.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

Let’s go back to your opening post:

When standing, people fixing / adjusting / pulling down / obsessing over the back of their shirt / dress. Sometimes I see this done vigorously and conspicuously. Do you see it often, and does it distract you?

Most answers were either no or meh. I don’t think anyone acknowledged noticing “vigorous” clothes adjustments.

Is this just what appears to be a Catholic obsession, or do you see it a lot somewhere else?

This is a resounding no from those who responded to this thread.

Am I completely alone in this trifle?

Perhaps not completely, but decidedly in the minority according to those who responded to this thread.

One thing about Internet forums is that you can’t control how people will respond or whether they will answer your OP how you want and without giving advice. You can, however, ignore those posts which are not up to your standard…

 

[Allegra]

Yes. It IS normal to talk about other people’s business when they bring it up. I’m not really sure why that doesn’t make sense to you. That doesn’t mean it is their business. It just means that the person whose business it is has opened it up for discussion. When I bring up my business and write about it in a thread, people talk about it. If I don’t want people to talk about some of my business, I don’t write about it on a public forum.

Again, if you notice something, you have complete control of whether or not you decide to continue looking at it or paying attention to it.

Again, you said “some people”, but the some people are one person who was (probably sarcastically) talking about a guy in a cape and the other was talking about someone whose jeans were falling down. Hardly the same thing. Not one single poster has said they thought blouse adjustments were distracting. So, you ARE in error on that front.

You are the one who claims that you are trying to think “scientifically” and you are “doing research” and not venting. Now you say that you were just trying to have fun. I guess no one else thought your belittling of a woman you don’t know for having difficulty with her clothes was that funny. Sorry. Not sorry.

 

[anon65111186]

Thank you for the summary, I was aware of that specific thing already, and no I wasn’t thinking many people would have the same experience, since it seemed abnormal what I and my wife had witnessed, but it was prevalent enough to post about it.

I know how trifling this is, underscored by the fact that I labelled it a trifling matter from the outset. No one seems to appreciate that though, funny how people are on forums…

 

[anon65111186]

if you notice something, you have complete control of whether or not you decide to continue looking at it or paying attention to it.

Right, no argument there, irrelevant to me though because I wasn’t continuing to pay attention, it just happened to be so constant me and my wife noticed after awhile.

Not one single poster has said they thought blouse adjustments were distracting. So, you ARE in error on that front.

I didn’t say it was the same thing as blouse adjustments, just that clothes adjustments can be distracting. Wow, if I had to count, this is like the 7th time you misrepresented my position.

You are the one who claims that you are trying to think “scientifically” and you are “doing research” and not venting. Now you say that you were just trying to have fun. I guess no one else thought your belittling of a woman you don’t know for having difficulty with her clothes was that funny. Sorry. Not sorry.

Yes, I was trying to think scientifically, do a little (nonserious) research for lack of a better term, and yes it was supposed to be a little fun. You thought I was belittling a woman for saying she was distracting by adjusting her blouse every minute. What is belittling about saying that? It was a statement of fact for me and my wife.

I think you protest too much, why are you so defensive? Do you adjust your clothes obsessively at Mass yourself and that’s the reason you seem to be taking this way too personally?

So good for all those people who adjust their clothes in mass, that they have someone like you, coming to their defense when they are belittled and unfairly accused of distracting others by their blouse adjustment! It’s not the blouse adjusters, but the gawkers who are to blame!

What business do I have anyhow? Who do I think I am? What an abnormal person who is venting all over the place over something that isn’t even his business and is all his fault for continuing to look and stare and gawk at people’s clothes adjustment. On top of that he has the nerve to say he is doing scientific research, my Lord. Is that what you think? Seems like you do.

 

[anon65111186]

Does people adjusting their clothes in front of you at Mass ever divert your attention?

• Yes
• No

0 voters

 

[Allegra]

Yes. That is what I think.

And no. No ones ever said I adjust my clothes too much. I don’t know if it’s because I tend to prefer to wear clothing styles that are low maintenance or they are too busy, minding their own business to concern themselves with it.

And yes. You said that some people in the thread agreed with you. You were talking about a very specific behavior (adjusting normal clothes). The two other people were talking about a guy in a cape that was probably a joke and a guy whose pants were falling off. Not really the same thing as your blouse tugging lady.