Do you practice NFP?

[kind_bean]

My husband and I use NFP, but we abstain during fertile periods because I don’t have health insurance and when we do get pregnant we want to make sure we can provide proper health care for me and the baby.

My question: is this a justifiable excuse for abstaining during fertile periods? It isn’t that we are opposed to pregnancy (quite the opposite, really… we are so crazy-anxious to have kids!), it’s just that we want to be able to provide for the baby. I don’t want to do something that is against what the church teaches…

I think ultimately you should talk to your priest or spiritual director, if you have one, but it certainly sounds like a justifiable reason. The birth of my baby cost over $12,000 dollars, and that is a lot of money. Fortunately, my husband’s insurance covered all but $800 or so. If we had to pay that all, I don’t know what we would have done. The very fact that you want to have children now, tell me that you are just being responsible, which is what the Pope tells us to be, responsible parents.

 

[nobeerinheaven]

My question: is this a justifiable excuse for abstaining during fertile periods? It isn’t that we are opposed to pregnancy (quite the opposite, really… we are so crazy-anxious to have kids!), it’s just that we want to be able to provide for the baby. I don’t want to do something that is against what the church teaches…

Yes, I certainly think so. Don’t take my word for it, though - ask your normal confessor or parish priest. Many on these boards tend to think in extremes, and suggest NFP users need “grave” reasons to abstain during fertile periods. Good or serious reasons are fine, though, and what you describe sounds good and serious.

 

[gettingthere]

I think ultimately you should talk to your priest or spiritual director, if you have one, but it certainly sounds like a justifiable reason. The birth of my baby cost over $12,000 dollars, and that is a lot of money. Fortunately, my husband’s insurance covered all but $800 or so. If we had to pay that all, I don’t know what we would have done. The very fact that you want to have children now, tell me that you are just being responsible, which is what the Pope tells us to be, responsible parents.

Yeah, we figure it will cost us about that much, plus about $4,000 or so extra for regular check ups. Definitely not something we can easily afford.

We only JUST started attending mass (after feeling called to the Catholic church a couple months ago) so we’re planning on meeting with the priest soon, and it’s definitely something we’re going to talk to him about.

 

[Calliso]

I chose option number 7, I am married and I currently abstain totally. I used to contracept though.

 

[rpp]

I chose option number 7, I am married and I currently abstain totally. I used to contracept though.

I am sorry to hear this.

 

[Bella3502]

I am only young and I need an honest response. How effective is NFP? If I am not a priest, of course, this would be the method used. truthfully, how effective is it?

Many Catholics use NFP, but the reality is that MOST do not, in part because for them it is not effective. The overwhelming majority of Catholics of childbearing age use some form of BC that is not NFP. Or they have tubes tied or vasectomies. This is a fact of life that is largely ignored by the church.

 

[Em_in_FL]

Many Catholics use NFP, but the reality is that MOST do not, in part because for them it is not effective. The overwhelming majority of Catholics of childbearing age use some form of BC that is not NFP. Or they have tubes tied or vasectomies. This is a fact of life that is largely ignored by the church.

Can you substantiate this?
From what I’ve read, the use of Artificial Birth Control (and sterilizations) among Catholics is not due to NFP being ineffective… most never even give it a chance!
Those who do learn NFP, and actually invest their minds and hearts in it, tend to stick to it.

This, of course, completely excludes those who have learned NFP and have then chosen to use nothing.

 

[gettingthere]

Can you substantiate this?
From what I’ve read, the use of Artificial Birth Control (and sterilizations) among Catholics is not due to NFP being ineffective… most never even give it a chance!
Those who do learn NFP, and actually invest their minds and hearts in it, tend to stick to it.

This, of course, completely excludes those who have learned NFP and have then chosen to use nothing.

I’ve heard that if you don’t have a regular cycle, or if you have some kind of illness or condition that affects your fertility signs (like PCOS), it makes it difficult to use NFP.

I would be willing to bet, though, that laziness is a huge factor. I have a friend who asked about charting because her ABC was giving her trouble with the side-effects and when I explained it all to her she said, “I can’t do that, it’s too much work”.

 

[rpp]

Many Catholics use NFP, but the reality is that MOST do not, in part because for them it is not effective. The overwhelming majority of Catholics of childbearing age use some form of BC that is not NFP. Or they have tubes tied or vasectomies. This is a fact of life that is largely ignored by the church.

Can we not shout in our posts, please. Boldfacing the entire post is a form of shouting.

Can you substantiate the claim the NFP is not effective. Seems there is plenty of evidence to refute it.

While I do not disagree that most people who call themselves Catholic use some form of ABC, I do not have enough information to speculate about the various reasons why they engage in this gravely sinful activity.

 

[Em_in_FL]

I’ve heard that if you don’t have a regular cycle, or if you have some kind of illness or condition that affects your fertility signs (like PCOS), it makes it difficult to use NFP.

I would be willing to bet, though, that laziness is a huge factor. I have a friend who asked about charting because her ABC was giving her trouble with the side-effects and when I explained it all to her she said, “I can’t do that, it’s too much work”.

It’s true that those who have fertility issues will have difficulty finding the right method of NFP to use. It may require more education and more testing to find out all the issues related to those fertility issues.
But, difficult doesn’t mean impossible. Many with PCOS have had success using various NFP methods… and actually, NFP has helped many of them discover their fertility issues in the first place (as opposed to artificial methods that can disguise the symptoms of fertility problems rather than helping to heal them).

 

[031064]

What happens if after one child you don’t want anymore? can you use NFP for that?

 

[Calliso]

I am sorry to hear this.

Meh I really wouldn;t feel so sorry I only have myself to blame. shrugs

 

[gettingthere]

What happens if after one child you don’t want anymore? can you use NFP for that?

Technically, you can, but I believe the whole idea behind using NFP is that you need to be open to having children if that is what God’s plan is for you.

 

[Em_in_FL]

What happens if after one child you don’t want anymore? can you use NFP for that?

From the Catechism…

1652
"By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory."162

So simply saying “I don’t want any more kids” really goes against the sacramental nature of matrimony.

Now, there are times and reasons within marriage when having another child would be extremely challenging… and these must be prayerfully considered. In these cases, the church has guided that it is morally acceptable to abstain during the fertile phases of a woman’s cycle… this is NFP.

Here are some great links to the catechism that would be beneficial to read…
On the Sacrament of Matrimony
On the Sixth Commandment (specifically scroll down to part III, starting at 2360)

Hope that helps!

 

[031064]

this is what I don’t get: So you can use NFP to space preganancies and the church doesn’t promote woman being ‘baby machines’. So we are supposed to have children until she’s 50? Don;t get it.

 

[ChristinaM]

Many Catholics use NFP, but the reality is that MOST do not, in part because for them it is not effective. The overwhelming majority of Catholics of childbearing age use some form of BC that is not NFP. Or they have tubes tied or vasectomies. This is a fact of life that is largely ignored by the church.

Whenever I hear someone say this about NFP, I always think about Chesterton’s quote: “Christianity has not been tried and found wanting. It has been found difficult and left untried.” NFP is pretty much the same way.

There is a learning curve involved. My Billings teacher told me she had a prospective client call her the month before her wedding to take a class. I can’t imagine how frustrated I would be if I had started learning the month before my wedding, what with the stress making my cycle go nuts! Especially with Billings, which emphasizes the individuality of each woman’s fertile signs, it takes TIME to recognize and learn the signs. Personal instruction is key.

I wonder how many women hit a snag with charting and just cave to the pressure to use ABC. I have been tempted to it myself.

I know it is more difficult for some people than others. While lurking these past few months I have read many posts on this board from people who have real struggles. I know it won’t be smooth sailing - but then, Jesus did tell us to seek the narrow way.

 

[Em_in_FL]

this is what I don’t get: So you can use NFP to space preganancies and the church doesn’t promote woman being ‘baby machines’. So we are supposed to have children until she’s 50? Don;t get it.

Can you clarify… I don’t understand your question…

Yes, there are just/serious reasons why a married couple may want to prayerfully decide to avoid conception on a month by month basis.

I don’t understand the “baby machines” comment… ???

 

[Sure]

this is what I don’t get: So you can use NFP to space preganancies and the church doesn’t promote woman being ‘baby machines’. So we are supposed to have children until she’s 50? Don;t get it.

No, you are supposed to be open to having children. Some are called to have 12 children or more. Some are called to have 4. It must be approached with honest prayer and, if there are serious reasons, one may try to avoid pregnancy. One such serious reason could be the advancing age of one or both parents.

 

[LittleDeb]

I’ve heard that if you don’t have a regular cycle, or if you have some kind of illness or condition that affects your fertility signs (like PCOS), it makes it difficult to use NFP.

I would be willing to bet, though, that laziness is a huge factor. I have a friend who asked about charting because her ABC was giving her trouble with the side-effects and when I explained it all to her she said, “I can’t do that, it’s too much work”.

My friend found out she has PCOS largely in part because I ‘forced’ her to chart. Her family kept making all the stupid jokes about “the rhythm method” and how NFP doesn’t work. They told her to use the Pill yadda, yadda, yadda, and they are IN the medical field. Now she blows them off and comes to me. Her new PCOS doc was glad she came to him and glad she didn’t listen to her family’s stupid comments. She wouldn’t have gotten treatment as early without charting.

Yes laziness is a HUGE factor. You will notice in the threads that people say “NFP is just like ABC.” So why don’t they just use NFP? “Because that would be totally different!” NFP is charting and making a decision, in part, based on the information. God is in charge in the end.

 

[Princess18]

Okay, I see both sides of the Total Trust / Use Nothing VS NFP issue. So I’m digging a little deeper for those of us that are still a little stuck in the middle.

Future husband and I have delightfully complex discussions (ie disagreements) about NFP, mostly because we both doubt our ability to chart effectively (we stink at doing anything regularly and consistently). I maintain that if we do goof and get pregnant, God will not give us more than we can handle. He feels that if we are unprepared when we get pregnant (emotionally, physically,and financially) that were starting out the gate as bad parents and that makes him very nervous. Nobody’s ever completely ready for babies, right? But maybe, if you can prevent yourself from getting in a bad, impossible place, shouldn’t you do that?

Many of you have posted that you’ve left it completely up to God when and how many kids you have and that you get by just fine. That’s fantastic and I’m always happy to see a post that says that. However, I would really like to hear from those, if they exist, that say “you know, I really have too many kids. I’m stressed, we can’t pay the bills, we fight all the time and I’m just miserable. I love my kids, but I should have done something differently.” Does anyone like that exist?

I think these are the possible answers to that question.

a) If these people exist they are out working three jobs and are not hanging around on this board.

b) If they exist they are not going to post that answer, as it’s too close to saying they regret their kids. No parent ever wants to be accused of feeling that, so I don’t blame them. (If so, feel free to PM me).

c) They really don’t exist. God only gives you what you can handle.

I was born to Cajun Catholic parents, and when you say “planned pregnancy” to them they look at you funny. As my dad puts it “Well, sweetie, every night I went to sleep with your mama we planned for a pregnancy. That’s what being married is.” (I wish I could feel that way).

As another poster put it, they didn’t end up with 24 kids or in the poor house. Everything turned out okay.

I ask and actually hope that nobody says that they are one of the miserable ones … it will help make my decision to trust a lot easier.