Dentists. (violent shudder)
This may be difficult for those under the age of 40 to understand, but my loathing of dentists stems from my very first experience in a dentistâs chair, in 1965, when I was but a wee lad.
There were several factors at play with that visit. For one, the relatively primitive state of dentistry at the time; for another, the fact that in those days, they did not allow parents into the examination room with youâyou sat in the chair all alone. Not the least, however, was the fact that the dentist in question (a Dr. Bradford, whom I will never forget if I live to be 300 years old) was a sadistic bastard who might very well have been an escaped Nazi.
I was scared to death, to begin with; I was four years old, in a strange place, I didnât know what was going on, and I was not allowed to be with my mother. I remember I sat there in the chair, all alone in the examination room, with tears slowly running down my cheeks and going plop on the paper bib theyâd put on me. The dentist, bless his compassionate soul, came in for something, looked at me and said, âStop that! We donât like boys who cry in hereâwe throw them out!â He picked up whatever heâd come in for and walked out.
This terrified me even worse, because I had seen a door on the far side of the examination room, which I presumed led to the alley; I sat there thinking to myself, âIf they throw me out, how will anybody ever find me? How will I ever get home?â It had the desired effect, however, because I did stop crying.
The other thing that I remember about this visit was that in order to do what he had to do (which, if I recall correctly, was to pull a tooth), the dentist had to put a clamp in my mouth to keep my jaws open. He insterted this thing, and in the process pinched my upper lip between the clamp and my upper teeth. It wasnât painful, but it was very uncomfortable. I kept pulling my facial muscles, trying to work my upper lip loose. The dentist noticed this, and laughed. He laughed, and then he said, âPinching your lip, huh?â, and laughed again. Then, he reached up and tightened it another notch.
That dirty jerk. I will never, never, never forget that guy. I have had problems with dentists all my life thanks to him.
Lord, forgive me. I know itâs not Christlike.