Do you snoop?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Mary_s_Lamb
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

Mary_s_Lamb

Guest
This is a question for parents only! I know if I ask teens they will say the answer is definitely “no.” But parents, if you were worried about your teen possibly being involved in an immoral activity (like drinking, drugs, or sex) would you snoop into their “personal space”? I know of a mother who has found her child’s diary and reads it to find out what is really going on. Thanks for your answers in advance.
 
If you can articulate why, then yes. But to snoop for the sake of snooping sake, and call it good parenting is wrong because “you’re the parent” or “it is my house” mentality is wrong. Even children need a sense of privacy and boundaries.
 
While a child is under the privaledge and protection of my roof, everything in the house is MY personal space. If they violate rules that I have the right to establish as the parent, then I have the right to find out about it. My kids know this, and have no pretense that anything they have within the confines of my home is “private”. Sounds harse, but I have NEVER had call to snoop on my kids, and I have 2 teenage daughters. They care more about maintaining a relationship with me than they do about succumbing to peer pressure. But, then again, I invest HEAVILY into fostering an open and loving relationship with my kids.
 
Sure!!

I don’t right now, because I don’t have suspicions, and I don’t have time for pre-emptive snooping.

I don’t get the thought-process of parents who think it’s “wrong” to invade some fictional “personal space” of their kids’!! What space are we talking here? Their room?? Last time I checked, it was in my house and I pay the mortgage! Their bookbags?? Last time I checked, it was in my house…and a bookbag that I bought!! Their drawers? Same thing.

I have a keylogger on our computers, and it logs everything my kids type on here. I do go read that frequently, to see what they’re talking about on IM. 99% of it is annoying teenage chitchat. 🙂 1% of it is interesting.

We haven’t had problems with our teens yet, but I would NOT hesitate to “snoop”. I call it–identifying a problem and dealing with it. When they have their own house, car and belongings, I will not go to their house to see what they’re doing. While they live here, you betcha.
 
40.png
Apologia100:
While a child is under the privaledge and protection of my roof, everything in the house is MY personal space. If they violate rules that I have the right to establish as the parent, then I have the right to find out about it. My kids know this, and have no pretense that anything they have within the confines of my home is “private”. Sounds harse, but I have NEVER had call to snoop on my kids, and I have 2 teenage daughters. They care more about maintaining a relationship with me than they do about succumbing to peer pressure. But, then again, I invest HEAVILY into fostering an open and loving relationship with my kids.
Click to expand...
I agree! You said it better than I did. 🙂
 
I’ve had four children, the youngest is 16, they are all great kids, and I’ve never had a reason to “snoop”. If I had a reason, it would be symptom of far more serious problems. If you’re concerned it’s a possibility (drugs, ect.) it’s time to have many heart to heart talks with your child regardless of whether there is a problem or not. In other words you’re growing to far apart from your child, get back into their lives. Don’t wait for the problem to exist before you intercede. My kids and I have an open relationship. In addition to being their father, I also consider them friends. Notice the fatherhood comes first.
 
Mary's Lamb:
I know of a mother who has found her child’s diary and reads it to find out what is really going on. Thanks for your answers in advance.
Click to expand...
Heh.

I kept a diary in high school. My mom snooped and read it regularly. That was why I kept the diary. It was not an entirely reliable document, overall, but it served my purposes.
 
It is our job to raise our kids to be adults, teaching them that their feelings of privacy are void because you pay the mortgage isn’t right. I have a two year old, and I give her the right of privacy on the toilet. I had a snooping mother, reading journals and such. I just began to shut myself off from the world. Eating disorders and such. There is a direct link.
 
40.png
renee1258:
It is our job to raise our kids to be adults, teaching them that their feelings of privacy are void because you pay the mortgage isn’t right. I have a two year old, and I give her the right of privacy on the toilet. I had a snooping mother, reading journals and such. I just began to shut myself off from the world. Eating disorders and such. There is a direct link.
Click to expand...
I have not seen my daughters in their “private” moments since they got out of diapers. I encourage them to maintain a sense of modesty adn privacy. I don’t, however, allow them to interchange privacy and secrecy. They also know that while they are in my house and I am their guardian, anything they do under my roof they automatically make me a cooperative of. That is the law. However!!! I invest a tremendous amout of time and energy if developing a trusting relationship with my kids. If you can be trusted by your children, and they sincerely value the relationship they have with you, they will work just as hard to preserve that relationship.

Its sorta like our relationship with Christ. The more I love Christ and desire to please Him, the harder I will work to be obedient and avoid the things He has considered “off limits”. God is by no means a permissive parent. Actions have consequences. My job as a parent is to engrain that into my kids before they leave the house BEFORE they go out into the world and learn it the hard way.
 
Journals are where private and personal thoughts are housed…we don’t own the thoughts because we paid for the journal. The teen years are a time of growing apart - for both the parent and the child. Teens need a place to write down their private thoughts and they need to know that privacy will be respected and not violated.

Parents who have truly fostered a trusting relationship with their children have no need to snoop. If you’re snooping, you don’t trust your child, do you?

If a child exhibits symptoms of something as serious as drug or alcohol abuse, snooping doesn’t do much good. It’s actualy a waste of time. Direct confrontation is the best way to go. Adding betrayal and violation to the problems of a child involved with substance abuse isn’t going to help things, anyway.
 
40.png
islandrunner:
The teen years are a time of growing apart - for both the parent and the child.
Click to expand...
Hmmm… I must be doing something wrong then, my children and I continued to grow closer during their teen years. As I told my eldest, my job as his parent was to raise him to the point where he didn’t “need” to be with me any more but where hw would want to be with me.
 
Exactly. Teens should be growing into independent adults who *choose *to spend time with and confide in their parents. Parents should be supressing the desire to know every aspect of their teen’s life or, worse, to control every aspect of their teen’s life.

Mine are exactly the same way - we have very close, yet distinct, relationships with each of our teens.

We did not build those trusting, close, freely chosen relationships by snooping through their things.
 
I am a teen but actually my answer is “yes”…so I am posting

Sometimes I wished that my mom would of read my diary…why? because it detailed my fathers “verbalness” and my brothers bulling as well as my mother’s own complacancy and then bad attitude. My family would actually learn that I do not hate them despite what they say. They would of also learned I longed to say grace and pray the rosary.

My stories, however, are even more private than my journel because they were truer to actual things that happened then my journel was at telling specifics.
On the web my dad put all sorts of filters…thats bad because it blocked out sites because of “strong religious content” (this was a Catholic teen site) its still a sore issue. I know what is on the web and I know how to steer clear of things I don’t want to see.
The thing that moniters every keystroke is unfair because things can be taken out of context.

Children are not entitled to privacy, besides the bathroom, at all this is the age to establish family order, young teens depending on their maturtiy have some right, older teens should have every right to which you would show to your spouse.
anyway thats my opinion.
Meggie
 
When I posted the question, I had a specific family in mind. Many of the posters suggest that if the parents have a good relationship with their child then snooping is not necessary. But what if the child becomes distant and secretive? Whenever the mom tries to talk to her daughter she runs up to her room and slams the door or runs out the frount door. What do you do in this situation?
 
You say you are going to a mall 30-60 min away take only her and lock the doors of the car.
 
Meggie,

You are a unique individual. I’m sorry that you live in such a turbulant household. But I can see that God has used it to give you a maturity that many adults do not have. I will pray for you in your situation. God Bless.

Mary
 
Mary,
I find it wonderful that you are trying to work things out with your daughter, I am praying everything goes well with you two. Please don’t hesitate to PM me to tell me how things have gone between you or for any reason.
Meggie
 
Thanks Meggie,

But it’s really a friend of mine going through all this.

Mary
 
I’m not a parent, I’m not a teen…but i think that snooping is no good.

I basically raised myself since I was able to walk. When I was put in child services, my foster parents (now adopted parents were fine for about 2 months but at that time I was adjusting, which I didn’t do very well. Then my dad got sick. Everything changed, I was technically alone again, without actually being alone. i was once again feeding myself, entertaining myself, taking care of my baby sister. All the things I did when I was under 4. My dad died just before I turned 8. My mom turned into a nutbar, wholy and completely. I lived with my gramma, who kinda raised me, but she taught me to be fully independent. How to cook, clean, sew, garden etc. By the time I was 9 I was ready to live on my own. My mom got remarried and was swept up in her new found happiness, she didn’t much pay attention to me, because I could take care of myself now. It wasn’t until I was 15 that all of a sudden she took on a serious parenting role. At this point I was fully established in the life that I alone had created for myself. She began to snoop read all my poetry and stories, go through my closets and drawers, read all the letters from friends and boyfriend (now fiance). she began punishing me for the first time EVER, I was actually grounded (more like house arrest) from ages 16-19, 3 years. it stopped when I moved out. Her snooping led to much hatred and distrust between us. Our relationship has greatly suffered. It was so bad that when i moved out in august last year, she didn’t call me until April of this year. Things will never be the same because she decided to take everythign that was mine. She is the gossip type, so it didn’t come with much suprise that everything that i had written in my journals were being repeated to me by various members of our small town.

That’s my story. Plain and simple, snooping RUINS trust. If you are suspicious about drugs or serious stuff, directly confront your children, don’t snoop. Snooping fosters resentment, makes your children think that you don’t care about thier privacy or them. Direct confrontation shows them, although they will not admit it, that you care about them, and that you respected them enpough to ask. Don’t snoop, it only hurts your relationship, trust me.
 
If I feel there is a reason to snoop then I talk to my daughter and ask whats going on in her life. If my child is going down the road to destruction and the walls of communication are closed, then maybe I snoop, not reading journals or diary’s though, but look and make sure there are no drugs, pills etc.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top